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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being ‘out of the house’ with a 10 week old baby?

87 replies

Pinkshadow · 20/09/2018 11:30

My daughter is nearly 11 weeks old now and I find when we go out we are still getting praise for being out and about.

When is the normal time to go out with a little one?

I have been out for coffee/ walks/ days outs since she was about 5 days old. But I understand everyone is going to be different depending on the birth etc.

Even with a baby that has bad colic I think it would have been bad for my mental health to stay in the house.

Was just interested in everyone else’s experiences?

OP posts:

peachgreen · 20/09/2018 13:02

I say things like that because I want the mum to feel good about herself and I can't bear competitive motherhood. As far as I'm concerned, everything's an achievement when you have a new baby and if you're out the house after two hours or two months I'm going to congratulate you. The same goes for if your house is clean or a total state, if you do messy play or plonk your baby in a bouncer for hours on end, if you breastfeed or formula feed, if you dress them in gorgeous wee outfits or stick to baby-gros, if you go to every mums and tots going or become a hermit - if you're happy and the baby's happy, then you're doing a bloody good job. (And if you're not happy or the baby's not happy, I'd be looking to support, not judge, because I've been there.)

There's too much pressure on mums. I'm not going to add to it by being smug about any aspects of my own experience, or judgey about anyone else's.

Boulty · 20/09/2018 13:02

I felt really pleased with myself when I was out and about with my first child after a few weeks, by the third child I was up and about the next day because I didn't have the option not to get organised.

I did get comments along the 'wow, only born yesterday and you are out and about already'... I didn't have a C-section, yes was sore and tired but as a mother of 3 realised I had to just get on with it. I wasn't brave or clever or anything special just being a mum. Interestingly, my MIL pointed out that 'in her day' they took to bed for a few weeks. Now I really cannot imagine that applied to all mums then since many would have other children and not the luxury to lay around doing nothing.

Disclaimer, we are all different, all cope in different ways, some have help others don't - this is MY personal experience and I appreciate that all will be different!

kaytee87 · 20/09/2018 13:02

I would argue that parenting is not always "only as hard as you make it".

I know, what a smug thing to say. Especially as there are lots of parents on mn whose children have SEN or serious illnesses.

timeisnotaline · 20/09/2018 13:03

To pp not the op, it isn’t that normal/usual to be out doing the school run with a baby who’s a day or two old. That’s why there is 2 weeks paternity leave legislated. In many countries you won’t have left hospital till 4-5 days later. Next baby I’m going to have dh take an extra week so 3 weeks total and I’ll do a week in bed, a week on bed and a week around bed. Just as a way to make sure I take it slowly and don’t feel guilty not going to the park etc, because recovery time is important.

Sockwomble · 20/09/2018 13:03

I think he was about 10 days old the first time. I didn't get out much for the first couple of months because I had to express every couple of hours and the expressing took about 30 minutes.

Runningishard · 20/09/2018 13:08

I had a section and was in hospital for about 4/5 days after. I was out and about within 2 days of coming home. Overdid it a bit pushing the pram mind

Crunchymum · 20/09/2018 13:10

All mine are winter baby's which did make a difference to how much I wanted to go out. That said I had DC3 on Thursday and was doing the school run by the Monday.

Runningishard · 20/09/2018 13:12

Good point crunchy. Mine was summer baby and it was a lovely hot summer

PlinkPlink · 20/09/2018 13:13

We went out with ours at 3 days old. I had a saleswoman in Mothercare comment on that. And again at Matalan when he was 11 days old.

What are you supposed to do? Sit inside like a hermit? 😂😂😂 it was lovely getting out and having some fresh air!

butlerswharf · 20/09/2018 13:14

It's totally normal to be out. It's just one of those things people say when they see people out with a newborn and they're just being friendly.

Firenight · 20/09/2018 13:14

Out and about within 48 hours. Camping by 2 weeks old.

Melamin · 20/09/2018 13:15

I did go out when I could with DC the first time, but the actual events are forgotten in a sea of anaemia and mastitis - and he didn't sleep through until he was 4 . I do remember starting to feel vaguely normal, as if I wasn't drowning, at 11 weeks. Twins were piss easy the second time (and I had 2 weeks of good sleep thanks to SCBU).

Thesexyskeleton · 20/09/2018 13:15

We went out the day after being released from hospital with DD, mostly as I had cabin fever from being in a horrible ward for 3 days.
We went to Costa Coffee and everyone was cooing and awwing after her.
We told her she was a couple of days old and they were like ‘Ohhh you’re brave!’
Being brave would have been staying in and going slowly crazy for me!

YeTalkShiteHen · 20/09/2018 13:16

DS1 I stayed in for about 3 days I think,
DD I got a row from the MW for being out the day after she was born!
DS2 I stayed in for a week because I was exhausted and struggling with my emotions.

It’s all relative I suppose, it depends on the birth, on your own mood. No right or wrong I think.

Hideandgo · 20/09/2018 13:17

It took me a week to leave the house with baby #1. And by baby #3 I was leaving the house without baby by day 2.

I all depends on how well the labour went to be honest. And the state of your mental/emotional health. Some people are still very much recovering 6 weeks post baby. Some are fine within 6 hrs of labour. The mental side can be any amount of time.

I think people are simply recognising that for most people with a new baby it is usually a big effort to do anything and you are physically and emotionally vulnerable for some undetermined time after. They are simply lying showing encouragement.

unicorncham · 20/09/2018 13:23

With my first I went out too soon and it mucked up my recovery. I was really shocked at how much time it takes to recover (to be fair it was a traumatic birth). With my second I made sure to stay in and I probably ventured out when ds was 1 week old i think. I was still feeling like my insides would drop out a bit, and DH was going back to work when ds was less than 2 weeks so I wanted to make sure I recovered as much as I could for that, because then i was on my own with 2 under 2.

My friend had a normal birth and was out after 2/3 days wandering round the garden centre!

Kidssendingmenuts · 20/09/2018 13:24

I was out in ASDA on day 2 with my second and was waking in the woods next day with my first! X

Ski4130 · 20/09/2018 13:24

I think they're just being kind, and not really meaning anything by it. With dc1 we were out and about after about 5 days, dc2 a day or so, and dc3 we went out to lunch with after leaving hospital at 830am that morning (that was the only time anyone's ever made a comment, when they found
out she was only 5 hours old she was a mini celebrity with the waiters and the people sat near us!)

I got out the house with all 3 as much as possible, I used to be climbing the walls if I didn't! Dc1 had reflux and being slightly upright in the pram was his happy place, we used to walk for miles every day.

ShadowHuntress · 20/09/2018 13:31

I was out on day 2 with my twins as I had to do the school run for my older one. I usually went out with them at least once a day, even if just for a short stroll.

SilverbytheSea · 20/09/2018 13:32

Didn’t get out of the hospital until day 5 following 3 days of back to back labour ending in emcs, I didn’t feel like going far for a good few days but had a bbq the day we got home and spent a lot of time in the garden as it was a beautiful spring, didn’t manage a proper trip further than the field at the end of the track for a couple of weeks.

fittedwardrobes · 20/09/2018 13:40

People are just being nice and supportive. Don't worry about it.

PippilottaLongstocking · 20/09/2018 13:42

I was out of the house the day after my second was born! Had to spend day 3 in bed but other than that just carried on with life as normal and the baby just lived in the sling

pastabest · 20/09/2018 13:42

Not everyone has the luxury of having the father at home for a few weeks after the birth though timeisnotaline.

DP had half a day off following the birth of DC1 and literally a few hours off to attend the birth of DC2. He's self employed in a business where he works long hours and can't just not work, there are only about 3 weeks a year he can take any more time than a few hours off and they unfortunately they didn't coincide with the birth of either of our children.

other people are single parents, or have partners who are in the army or work away for months at a time. Those mothers just have to get on with it and carry on. They aren't special for doing that, most people would be capable of it if they were put in that position but I suppose you set your expectations according to your situation.

I get that its not ideal (I'm only just coming out of the newborn fog of DC2 and its been HARD dealing with 2 under 2 largely on my own), and different cultures are often much better at this than we are, but at the same time (based on numerous posts on here from distressed new mothers)I also think many many women really struggle around two weeks because paternity leave creates a false environment of support in those first few weeks. In other cultures that support is provided by a wider family female network and gradually withdraws/ adapts rather than having the rug pulled out from underneath you suddenly at two weeks.

Sandstormbrewing · 20/09/2018 13:51

I did a small sainsburys shop when at 10 days old, but unless I was with DH I didn't go out for 6 weeks. I definitely got cabin fever but I had a horrendous birth and wet myself every time I stood up, I just couldn't face going out like that. I only started going out by myself once it was 'just' leakage which could be contained by a tena lady and I could last at least 30 minutes without going to the loo.

But most people are up and out within a week or 2. I'm really hoping second time round will be better, but DH will be doing nursery drop off and pick up for 3 weeks then one of the nursery nurses has offered to drop him home after that if needs be.

politicalgames · 20/09/2018 13:53

We were 'out of the house' and on a plane before little one was 24 hours old :)

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