To be put out a gift was sold on?

[csigeek]

Long story short, gave some baby things to SIL a little while ago and I've just noticed all of the items have gone up for sale on Facebook marketplace.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that she's selling them rather than offering them back or giving to charity?

Yup, ask for it back.

On a tangent, does anyone remember the thread where the OPs sister in law was asking for baby things back she'd gifted to the OP 15 years earlier??

Definitely ask for it back!

What was it ? Clothes YABU, a cot / next to me crib anything worth more than £50 YANBU

Yanbu. It's really bad manners to sell on something that is being gifted. I either pass it on to someone else, or give to charity.

It's even worse manners for her to do so on Facebook, knowing you can see it.

dont really get why its a ptoblem. i have a LOT of clothes after having ds. i kept them because dh and I wanted another baby so kept them just in case we had another boy but we've had a dd. I can't remember who gave me what clothes so couldn't give them back. why do you need them back anyway? what would you do with them? sell them on or what?

A hard up friend rarely had money for her 2 kids school essentials, perpetually moaning about trying to kit them out, so I bought them 3 sets of socks, pants, t shirts apiece to bundle in with their Christmas presents. Which she promptly took back to M&S to get the money instead.

@CantThinkOfNameOops it wasn't clothes. Clothes I couldn't care less about and definitely not if they were presents I had bought specifically for their baby.
These were quite large and expensive items I'd passed on to them because they could be used by them and then rather than use them they've sold them.

But all bigger items to check with her as another auntie was due to have a baby.
I gave a few items back but have been a bit shit because I'm pregnant again (they don't know yet) and haven't offered them to the other auntie as I'm worried I won't get them back and money is tight.
No one's specially asked for them and I haven't sold or got rid of them.
I feel a bit like a CF but needs must.

Yes, you are a CF. She specifically lent you the items on the understanding you would check with her when you had finished.

You do realize that she will almost certainly tell you to keep them for this baby? But that if you hang onto them without checking, you will completely disrespect her and make yourself look cheap?

Do as she asked you when you accepted them. Don't just say 'needs must', cheeky as fuck.

sorry op didn't realise it wasn't clothes (must've misread somewhere). fair enough yanbu I'd expect bigger items to be returned too especially if they weren't needed

"Clothes I couldn't care less about"

but why... argh. I don't get these threads at all. What's so special about clothes vs. 'big' things. Gifts with unspoken strings. Please never "give" such a thing away again. People aren't mind readers.

Flytipping, ok, I could understand objecting to that as disposal.

If ask for it back, plain rude! I'd rather give it to a woman's refuge than watch my SIL sell it.....

Is the anger about seeing a gift being sold on covering any discomfort about having given a gift that the recipient didn't like or want to keep? I don't keep things given to me that I don't like or want. I don't sell things as I make my living doing other things and that's sufficient for me. But if you know someone sells things then it's not surprising to think they'd sell your gift if they didn't like our want it.

Maybe baby outgrew then?

None of the items were gifts we had specifically bought for them and their baby.
These are all large items such as a sleepyhead, a snuzpod etc. All items that are still worth a lot of money. Passed to them to use. All could be used to at least 6 months. The baby is a few weeks old.
We have one DS. We are not necessarily done procreating although I had a bad pregnancy and an awful birth so I have expressed anxiety over another pregnancy/birth. They have sold on things we passed on to them to use without any thought as to whether they could be given back or passed to others.
I'm pissed off because it feels rude.
And yes I'm pissed off because I'm out of pocket.

You should let her know that you seen her put your items up for sale. Text her.

OP should have sold these items, not called them a gift.
Nothing should be called a gift if going to be so controlling about what happens to it next.

You gave the stuff a while ago, what's your problem? She's used it and now she doesn't want to anymore. It's not your place to dictate what she does with a gift you've GIVEN her. It's not yours anymore. Let it go...

@YeOldeTrout yes, this exactly. Don't put the label "gift" on it if that's not what it is. Perhaps you should learn the meaning of the word "gift".

See my opinion is, if you need the money sell it yourself or ask for it back after use. Generally I would assume if you are giving things away you either don't need the money or can't be arsed to sell it. I do need the money and can be arsed so I don't see that that's unreasonable.

When I was first pregnant with DD1 I was given a couple of bags of maternity clothes that had been worn and added to by every mum in our group of friends, it was a brilliant thing. I used them, added my own and passed them on.

When it came to DD2 a couple of years later, "Oh, Karen had the clothes last."

Karen had fucking flogged everything and kept the cash.

Longwayoff I can see why that upset you but I can also see your friend's point of view. Maybe she thought she could get more in Primark for the money, or maybe the things didn't fit or suit or were not her taste. Should she use stuff she doesn't like when she can't afford to buy replacements? Maybe that was not what she needed but there were other things she needed more. My mum gave me a voucher for m and s boots. I struggled to find anything I wanted for the price so she happily swapped me for the money which I could spend elsewhere. A gift that is not what the person needs is not that helpful.

My SIL used to put her Christmas gifts on eBay every Boxing Day regardless of what they were. Even if we asked MIL and then her DH what to get! I gave up in the end because it was soul destroying choosing a gift. DH gave her tokens for a couple of years and now doesn’t bother at all!

It was her stuff to do with as she pleased though.

I must admit that I took most of the clothes MIL bought for my child back and exchanged for different things. Two reasons. Firstly she bought cheap clothes that were not well designed or thought out. Shorts with buttons on the back pockets for a baby who spent a lot of time lying on those buttons . Tops with slogans that were quite frankly rude . And clothes from a shop that I will not buy from (for ethical reasons).

Apart from the DH telling her we didn’t buy from the sweat shop shop, I didn’t say anything but thank you. For the next Christmas and birthday we only got gifts from the sweat shop shop, so I assume she was annoyed!

Thing is, there’s a difference between swapping/taking back ‘gifts’ in the real sense of the word (ie a Christmas/birthday/new baby presents) because they’re not what
you would choose, and selling on an expensive item such as a Snuzpod you’ve been given as a favour (without even checking if they need/want it back first). Especially CF to do it on Facebook where it will be seen.

It’s not about people ‘not being mind readers’ - I literally cannot imagine doing this, ever

But it wasn’t a gift, was it OP? It was lending stuff. So YANBU if you said to her here’s some stuff you can borrow while your dc is a baby. YAB completely U and totally ridiculous if you gave her the items and said they’re a gift.

People can do whatever they like with gifts. It belongs to them. There is no moral obligation to the original gift giver.
Also how would it be different her passing them on to a charity who would then sell them? Why is that better? If you want the items to go to charity, then give them to charity yourself!