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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be put out a gift was sold on?

77 replies

csigeek · 19/09/2018 13:56

Long story short, gave some baby things to SIL a little while ago and I've just noticed all of the items have gone up for sale on Facebook marketplace.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that she's selling them rather than offering them back or giving to charity?

OP posts:
Gersemi · 19/09/2018 15:45

Ask her if you can have them back as another friend needs them.

KC225 · 19/09/2018 15:48

snuggybuggy But would you pass it on as a nice gesture or would sell it, knowing the people who gave it to you can see you selling it?

SnuggyBuggy · 19/09/2018 15:49

I think selling it is pretty tacky when you were given it.

SnuggyBuggy · 19/09/2018 15:50

Posted too soon,

I would probably pass on or give to a charity shop if there was no one who needed them.

Emma765 · 19/09/2018 15:53

I always cringe when I see things on Facebook 'never used' and think aaahhh i bet the person who gave you that can see this post!

Original poster
csigeek · 19/09/2018 15:55

Some of the items she definitely wouldn't have forgotten I gave, they were an addition to something they had lent to us. We gave them the item back and said that they may as well use the part we had bought with it. No specific request to give it back when done I guess though.
I think I'm just annoyed because we're family and it would be easy to just ask the question and I would much prefer things went on to someone who needed them than for them to be making money off nice gestures. I definitely would have asked what they wanted if the roles were reversed. As an example other BIL and SIL gave us some things and told us to sell them if we didn't mind the effort and give the money to a neonatal charity.

OP posts:
Twotailed · 19/09/2018 15:57

I can see how in some circumstances it might look grabby but in others it wouldn’t. In any case there are enough MN threads about this to show that it’s a minefield! It might lead me to refuse all offers of baby clothes and equipment only I know that can cause just as much offence.

SnuggyBuggy · 19/09/2018 15:59

I'm just relieved that the person who gave me some stuff for DD said to give what we don't use to a charity shop. I really couldn't be bothered with remembering what to give back to different people.

sprinklesandsauce · 19/09/2018 16:07

It all depends on whether you gave the stuff or loaned it. if you gave it, then its up to them what they do with it, although an offer to split the cash would have been nice maybe.

I passed some stuff on and sold some stuff to buy more stuff. I got given so much, it would have been impossible to keep track of it all

Petalflowers · 19/09/2018 16:14

I always think that if it was given to me free of charge, then you pass it on free of charge, and don’t profit from the items.

For,bigger items such as cots, she should speak to,you first, and then agree what to,do,afterward

Bluelady · 19/09/2018 16:19

OP has already said she'd be happy for them to be given to charity. Selling them is greedy.

monty09 · 19/09/2018 16:26

It's a shit thing to do, I was selling my expensive toy until we found out that my partners brother was expecting so we said they could have it saves them the money and when the child wasn't even old enough for it they tried to sell it for £20 on fb, I had a right go at them saying that seems that they didn't pay for it they should give to someone else who needs it, safe to say they weren't happy and took it down and now don't speak to me.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 19/09/2018 16:28

It's for exactly this reason that I'm very clear when I give baby/kids stuff away that I don't want it back and that the recipient is free to sell it on after they've finished with it, and buy more baby tat/toys or whatever.

I know they could do this anyway, but it just makes everything clear and avoids bad feeling. Plus, selling stuff to help find the next stage of stuff seems sensible to me.

Racecardriver · 19/09/2018 16:56

I don't see any real difference between selling thee items on and disposing them by giving them to charity. The people who end up with them still end up paying for them and for all you know your SIL and DB may need the cash. I have been selling off baby stuff recently because I need the money.

cingolimama · 19/09/2018 17:50

I simply don't get the emotional attachment to stuff that you give to people. Why on earth does anyone care what people do with it (unless of course it's a family heirloom type of thing that's on loan)? Perhaps these so-called grabby people need to be frugal, and selling on provides stuff they actually need.

Also, there's an awful lot of "oh, you should give it to charity!", which is ridiculously controlling when you've given someone a gift, and is a kind of silly virtue signalling.

glitterfarts · 19/09/2018 18:17

Were they a gift or a lend?
If a gift, she can sell them. If loaned, they should be returned and I'd just send her a message saying can I have x back now that you are done with it please?

SnuggyBuggy · 19/09/2018 18:20

If it's a loan people need to make it clear though

Aria2015 · 19/09/2018 18:33

If I get given something for free I always gift it forward. I'd feel wrong making money off something that was given to me. Also it's a good opportunity to spread the love and give someone else the chance to benefit from some free items.

Wearywithteens · 19/09/2018 19:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

charliebear78 · 19/09/2018 19:41

Personally I think you give things away because they are no longer wanted by you.
What that person chooses to do with them is their choice because they now belong to that person.
If it is the money side of things that bothers you-Lesson learned sell on items yourself instead of giving.

RoboticSealpup · 19/09/2018 19:46

It's not great but I can do you one worse. Dsis and I bought DM an expensive handbag for her 60th birthday. A few months later, she gave it to Dsis as 'it didn't have any good pockets inside'. Dsis offered to pay me for it but I just thought fuck it, we gave it to DM so it was hers to do whatever she wanted with. Including giving it to one of us...

Original poster
csigeek · 21/09/2018 18:25

@RoboticSealpup ouch! I can deal with regifting, a little hurtful if you've put effort in but selling on just seems a bit much!
So new stuff has gone up for sale...this time something I just passed on a few weeks ago that she'd been complaining she couldn't afford. I figured I wasn't using it and hadn't got round to ebaying so said if she needed it she could have it and now it's for sale!!

OP posts:
overagain · 21/09/2018 18:48

@csigeek message her about the most recent thing and say that if she isn't using it can you have it back as a friend wants it.

Original poster
csigeek · 21/09/2018 18:50

@overagain I think I'm going to. I'm not made of money and it was a quite expensive item I could have got a fair amount back for :( I don't think I'll be passing anything else on to them x

OP posts:
eelbecomingforyou · 21/09/2018 18:52

so new stuff has gone up for sale...this time something I just passed on a few weeks ago that she'd been complaining she couldn't afford. I figured I wasn't using it and hadn't got round to ebaying so said if she needed it she could have it and now it's for sale!!

I'd ask for it back. Say you only passed it to her because you were sympathetic she couldn't afford it, and if you'd known she'd sell it then you wouldn't have given it to her. Then you sell it. Blimey, what a cheeky cow.

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