Why don’t people respond?

[Puddlejumps]

If someone has invited you to something why do some people read the message but then don’t respond? I don’t get it - say yes or no and let’s all move on with our lives!!

Sometimes they forget? Sometimes I'll read a message, fully intent to respond, then something happens and I get distracted and forget

Maybe they need to check dates and then forget to reply?

Maybe they don't want to commit just yet?

Some people forget. They have busy lives and are doing other things. They think 'oh I must check my diary to see if I'm free' and it slips their mind to do it. People could be juggling children, work, illness, mental health problems, family issues, and just every day occurrences that seem to get in the way (those are a few of the things that have caused me to be a bit flakey in the past).

I'm not saying it's right. Of course it is courteous to respond. It's not reality though. People are busy and I wouldn't hold it against them.

If you've chased, and chased, and chased and still haven't had a response, I would presume they're not interested and would plan on ahead without them!

Some people forget. And some people are rude, self absorbed and happy to inconvenience you by waiting to see if something better comes along.

Some people forget. They have busy lives and are doing other things. They think 'oh I must check my diary to see if I'm free' and it slips their mind to do it. People could be juggling children, work, illness, mental health problems, family issues, and just every day occurrences that seem to get in the way (those are a few of the things that have caused me to be a bit flakey in the past).

Blimey, talk about Mumsnet Bingo. Throw in SEN and social anxiety and you’ve got the lot!

It's usually nothing personal, some people are just like that. They intend to reply but leave it.

Sometimes i open a message, read it then one of the DC's starts crying so I have to go and deal with that. Then by the time that's dealt with I don't always remember that I was replying to a text in the first place!

@CoughLaughFart mumsnet bingo? Nope, just my life my mental health problems revolve around social anxiety and OCD so you're not wrong there!

Personally because it’s often not as straightforward as “yes” or “no”.

My DH and I both travel for work so I’d have to check in with him so see where he is that day and whether existing activities mean we can either attend ourselves or whether one of us is available to bring whichever child has been invited.

One of our kids plays sport fairly seriously so if they are invited to a party I might need to check the team roster to see if a game is scheduled and possibly confirm times with the coaches.

If there is a clash I’d probably give my child a day or two to decide whether he wants to do game or party.

Sometimes if there’s a complicated set of circumstances we take time to either ask grandparents to help or to decide whether it’s all worth the stress.

I reply as soon as I can but it’s rarely immediately.

People have busy lives, it’s not reasonable to expect instant responses.

Sometimes people have to check with partner or have to firm up other arrangements before they can respond? Both things can take time, may be engrossing and more important than social activity, so forget.

Because it's not always simple as Yes or No. For me it's I need to see if it's a weekend I'm working and if it is I need to see if I can get the time off. But I don't start work till 5 and probably won't find out for another week. Then if I do get the time off I need to get someone to watch the kids if DH and I are both invited.

I'm also forever reading emails and texts and forgetting about them.

They might be checking dates, asking partner if they are free, asking babysitter, pondering whether they want to go. All sorts of reasons.

How long are we talking here that you've been waiting?

For some people it's a case of needing to check with other halves, calendars, DC etc, and forgetting.

We have a calendar on the kitchen wall which contains our whole lives; hospital appointments, dentist and hair appointments, DC schedules, my work life, DH's work life, pet vaccines, everything a family life needs. I appreciate that in these modern times it should probably computerised somewhere but it's a system that works for us. If I get texts or calls or invites I often look at them and then reply several hours/days later simply because I need to check elsewhere.

What I don’t get about all these ‘people need time to check their diaries, speak to partners etc.’ comments is that ‘Thanks for the invite - I’ll check the date and get back to you’ IS a response. It takes seconds to type. The OP isn’t saying she necessarily expects an instant commitment - just some acknowledgment of the invitation.

I tend to read it, mean to respond, sometimes start to do so, get interrupted by a small child-based incident, think I've actually responded, realise some time later I did so only in my head as opposed to in reality. Oops.

The OP is annoyed that isn't a yes or no. It says so in the first post.

Also why do people have to have an instant reply just because they've seen that someone has read the message? I sometimes get a text and read it but I might be at the checkout at the supermarket or just about to go into a GP appointment or see the teacher at school or whatever. I can't always reply that instant.

Mobiles phones have made people so impatient!

You just reminded me to reply to a message I got last week haha.

I just did this to a friend. I'd read her message when I was in the middle of something and made a mental note to respond. I also had to check my DH's holiday dates in order to answer her. I reminded my DH to put his holidays in the diary, but ended up totally forgetting about replying to the message.

A week later, I suddenly had a hazy memory about my friend messaging me, and then went back to it.

I do this quite often. It honestly goes out of my brain.

I agree OP. We're a busy family, with work, house stuff, lack of childcare, after school/weekend clubs, etc etc … and yet I always manage to let someone know within reasonable time if we are accepting or declining an invitation. First party we threw for DS (6): gave out invitations over 2 weeks before, and I still had people texting me the night before to say, oh X can't come, or yes, Y will be there … as if I hadn't already had to guess how many were coming and cater based on that guess.

I need to check kitchen calendar, paper diary, husband's diary and school calendar. I will respond but it won't be as soon as I've read the message.

Some people forget, others just can't be bothered or want to wait to see if they get a better offer or if their friends are going to be there.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I get people are busy, but this one in question was an invitation to a play date on Friday which was sent Monday. We are now on Weds. This is our only day for play dates and I don’t see the person as I work mon-thurs. I don’t mind if they are busy, I just need to know so i can organise something else. It is just frustrating. I never expect instant answers, just timely ones. We all forget, I wouldn’t hold it against anyone!

Why don't you ring her?

They read the message when they're in the middle of something and think they'll reply later, then forget

They need to check something

They need to rearrange something

They are holding out for a better offer

They've nothing else on that day but they need some alone time so try stalling to think of a half reasonable excuse

They've loads on and don't want to book their whole week up all at once.

I think they'll have just forgotten to reply, message or ring them and say you're just touching down to see if they can manage.

Great duck that seems to be the next step!