Why don’t people respond?

[Puddlejumps]

If someone has invited you to something why do some people read the message but then don’t respond? I don’t get it - say yes or no and let’s all move on with our lives!!

‘There is nowt as queer a folk’ , this saying is so true when it come to a RSVP. I don’t understand people not responding, it annoying and I don’t understand how hard it can be. It’s put me off letting my children have birthday parties and having friends over! Hope you get a reply soon but I wouldn’t hold your breath!

I find the difference between the attitude here and the long-running lateness thread very interesting. Obviously I get that different people are responding, but it seems the majority of posters in the lateness thread feel lateness is rude and suggests you don’t care about the other person’s time. Here the majority of posters seem to be saying it’s okay to forget to answer a message because you’re busy, you had to check and then just forgot etc. Why isn’t this rude?

why don't you ring her?

I was thinking that...

Cough it's not that it is okay to forget to reply, but it happens. I don't mean to do it and I feel bad when I realise.
A reply also doesn't go in my calendar, whereas physically meeting someone does and I have time to plan around the meeting.

Cough

As Lyndor said, completely different situation.

You make an appointment, on the day it occurs you plan to ensure that you have ample time to atend in a timely way.

You receive an invite - usually not when you are conveniently sat at a desk with your whole family's calendar, and the leisurely time in which to address the matter. Unless it's a physical invite, it either has to be carefully left as unread, or otherwise brought to your attention when you CAN answer if you're available.

And quite frankly, we are talking about invites to kid's birthday parties. They slip down the agenda because they just AREN'T as important to the parents of attendees as commute-job-ironing-doctors appointments-bills-calling the bank-dropping off mum's birthday card etc, etc, etc. And that includes a courtesy reply to say you're thinking about it/checking.

I do bloody lots of things, and I don't even have kids. I'm not particularly concerned about leaving a low-priority invite to wait a little whilst I enjoy the half hour I have free each day. If people are going to be sensitive about that they're not cut out for friendship with me .

I mean, bloody bravo and I'm chuffed for you if you've got your life organised and so on, or have little enough to do, or this is just a super huge priority for you. But you might be happier to accept that other people see it differently.

If you’re going to ignore invites you probably haven’t got that many friends inviting you to things anyway, so this drain on your important time will resolve itself anyway.

I agree. It's very annoying when people don't respond to an invitation. Whenever I get a text inviting me to something I always respond immediately with "Thank you. I have to check my diary and I'll get back to you. If I haven't replied within 2 days please give me a reminder". My friends know I am busy and need to keep a diary. Being busy is no excuse for not responding in the first instance just to let the invitee know you have received the invitation and you will get round to answering it when you can.

Sorry to disappoint, but I have lots of lovely friends, none of whom I got pissy with regardless of how promptly or otherwise they responded to my wedding invites.

In fact, recently I agreed to spend a weekend with friends, and flaked out last minute due to horrible work pressure. They didn't huff and puff about the bad form, they sent me flowers, a candle and a card. Just like we did when it was a different one of the group in the same situation. When a girl flaked last minute on my hen do due to money issues (it was cheap btw) I went out of my way not to make her feel like shit.

I'm afraid my experience is that the people who huff and puff about the small things are the ones without many friends, not the ones who muddle through life with understanding, laughter and kindness.

Cough I don’t think it’s ok to be late and I don’t think it’s ok not to reply. I just think it’s unreasonable to / expect an instant response.

In the OP’s specific case I would have responded by now but similarly in her position I wouldn’t be sitting around getting annoyed and writing an MN thread about it - I’d just call her and her know I needed an answer.

It is very frustrating when people don’t respond to an invitation, but as a cub leader I’ve had to get used to it! I organise at least 2 events each term (trips, camps etc). I have a system that sends the invitation by email. All the parent has to do is press yes or no in response to the email.

I totally understand that I won’t get an instant response, but many parents don’t respond at all. I usually set a closing date 3 weeks after the invitation , so I can book whatever the event is. The system also sends a couple of invitation reminders, but I still find only about 2/3 parents respond either way.

I think it is rude, I know people are busy, but so am I, and it’s frustrating when people don’t respond at all. Even worse is when I book after the closing date for those who have said yes, and then I find that some parents complain that they want their child to go on the trip but it’s too late as I’ve booked it! Because three weeks wasn’t long enough to respond because they were busy!