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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider leaving my dds on their own for 30 mins in the morning?

128 replies

BoBoo · 18/09/2018 20:54

DDs currently year 5 and 6 and at the moment, I need to leave for work just after 8am and they go to breakfast club. I am considering letting them stay at home by themselves for half an hour after I leave, when they would then walk themselves to school.

Both are very sensible, especially the eldest. She has a mobile, so could contact me if needed and our neighbour works from home so would be there if needed in case of an emergency. This would save us around £200 a month, which would be lovely, but I am also keen to increase responsibility and independence in preparation for secondary school next year. They are both comfortable with the idea. Do other people do similar, or AIBU?

OP posts:

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 19/09/2018 09:27

Will the neighbour be aware and happy to keep an eye out? I think I would as long as the route to school is an easy one.

bluet · 19/09/2018 09:28

I think it's perfectly fine at that age to be alone at home and to walk a short walk to school, your oldest is almost in secondary. It's whether or not you trust them to lock up the house responsibly

originalnutella · 19/09/2018 09:29

As the door locks behind itself I would think about hiding a key outside in case they forget something.

Fightthebear · 19/09/2018 09:33

I think it’s fine to leave them unsupervised at that age, if they’re ok with it. But are they organised enough to get out of the house on time?

DS1 has been walking to and from school on his own from Y5, but even now (Y7) I wouldn’t leave him to get himself out of the house, he’d be likely to get distracted. If your girls will get themselves out it’s a good level of responsibility for them.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/09/2018 09:39

They might be sensible. I think most kids are at that age as They want to please you.
However it wouldn't be them I didn't trust.
Sensible or not anything could happen.

SaucyJack · 19/09/2018 09:44

They might be fine at that age. Might not be. Only you know them well enough to make that call.

My older two DD’s are Y7 and Y9. It’s my Y7 DD that leaves on time, with everything packed, and closes the door sensibly behind her. My oldest is the one who’s always running late, or running back to get something. Often leaves the door wide open. I don’t think I’d trust her to get herself off to school until she’s about 18. Possibly not even then.

Frequency · 19/09/2018 09:52

I wouldn't, based on experience of my own, seemingly responsible children.

I work nights and I'm sick to death of coming home to find all the curtains open, all the lights on, the back door wide open with no-one downstairs and the hob switched to low instead of off.

My kids are older (11 and 15) and have been spending a few hours alone for the last couple of years. They can both cook a full three course meal, get themselves up for school while I sleep off my nightshift and remember all their PE kit etc but can they shit remember to close the backdoor, close the curtains and turn the lights and oven off even after I hired them a babysitter as punishment (which they both hated)

Fightthebear · 19/09/2018 09:54

Saucy

MrsRubyMonday · 19/09/2018 10:18

I think it would be ok. I would probably leave a key with the nice neighbour in case of any problems or get a key safe if you prefer. I would also write a list of things to check before leaving, maybe split it between them so they each have responsibilities. IE DD1 - check taps are off, check TV is off. DD2 - check oven/hob is off. Both - check you have PE kit. You could also put a timetable so they can double check what day it is and what stuff they need, and add stuff to the list if it becomes a problem, like leaving lights on. Also if you're feeding them before you go there should be no need for the cooker etc to be on so as long as you do your checks before you leave it should be fine. You could potentially turn everything off and say no TV/consoles for that half hour, they can use tablets or read.

Fatted · 19/09/2018 10:24

Is there another parent nearby who would be able to pop over on the way to school to just make sure they get to school OK?

My kids are a bit younger, but we have a few families who live on our road who's kids are similar ages to ours. We've already had chats about taking each others kids to school to help out etc.

Nesssie · 19/09/2018 10:58

all the curtains open, all the lights on, the back door wide open with no-one downstairs and the hob switched to low instead of off.

Why would the hob be on in the first place?
Surely they would just be watching tv/chilling for the 30mins, and tvs turn off after a couple of hours anyway.

VeryFluffyPantaloons · 19/09/2018 11:07

I’ve started doing this, my two are 9 & 11. I have to leave at 8.05 by which time they have eaten their breakfast and are either playing on their tablets or watching tv. I put their bags, coats, shoes and mobile by front door and there is a checklist stuck on the door. An alarm is set on tablets and cooker, so when that goes off they jump on put their shoes on, grab their coats and bags and go to school. Both have to double check front door is locked, then text that they have left and when they arrive at school. All good so far.

Ellapaella · 19/09/2018 11:12

For the sake of a few quid why not just continue with breakfast club?
Peace of mind knowing they are where they are meant to be and safe.
My eldest ds started leaving the house after everyone else when he was in year 9. It's quite a lot of responsibility that you hand over to them trusting them to lock the door and ensure everything is turned off.
Might seem simple enough but my ds has forgotten to do it twice, on one occasion I came home to find the keys still in the outside lock!
Thank goodness we have honest neighbours and delivery people etc. Only twice in 4 years but we could have quite easily have had the house ransacked.

stayathomer · 19/09/2018 11:26

I'm very nervous so wouldn't but being rational about it just look at the stuff you have to worry about and prepare them. So electrical stuff that needs to be dealt with, make sure they don't try to cook, have a phone beside them and don't answer phone to strangers. And keep in contact

FinnegansWhiskers · 19/09/2018 11:30

You know the area and the route to school. If you think your children are responsible enough to make the journey go with it.

It's perfectly usual for year 5 kids to walk to school themselves in my area. I did it, my kids did it and I still see Junior school aged children walking to school with friends, with siblings or by themselves. If they have a mb ask one of them to let you know when they arrive at school.

Make sure they are dressed and have had breakfast before you leave for work. I'm sure they are capable of putting their coats on and picking up their book bags before they leave. You have neighbours you can call if there's a problem. I'm sure they will be fine

scammedohshit · 19/09/2018 11:34

Absolutely fine

drspouse · 19/09/2018 11:35

Our school auto calls you by 9.30 with any absences (usually even if you've told them you have a doctor's appointment )
I would suggest starting with them leaving when you do and walking to breakfast club.

MorningsEleven · 19/09/2018 11:40

Yeah I'd do it. My kids are at different schools and I can only do one school run so I take my youngest in and my year 6 has to crack on. No choice really.

KarmaStar · 19/09/2018 11:42

No,I wouldn't.

motortroll · 19/09/2018 11:43

Yes I would do it. My kids have done it for the last year on the days I'm at home (they were year 4 and 6) just because I didn't think they really needed me! 10 mins walk onresidential roads no problem.

My eldest is now in year 7 And she stays at home on my work days and gets herself to school. My 9 year old still goes to childcare but only cos I have a 4 year old as well!! Otherwise I'd probably leave her then she'd walk (my sis would check on her at the school).

motortroll · 19/09/2018 11:44

Just to add before they started doing it I went through "safe" houses we know en route and what todo in emergency etc. My 9 year old has walked on her own several times as the eldest had "duties" before school.

BlindAssassin1 · 19/09/2018 11:54

I wouldn't with my own DC: DC1 can make a fine art of messing about in the morning and neither takes well to being told what to do by the other.

OTHO I would have been ok with this as a child.

The thing that would put me off of it, even with level headed DC, is it seems to rely on other people to look out for your DC. I would rather pay a childminder in the area to collect and walk them to school and pay them. Still wouldn't be as much as what's currently being paid.

ballseditupforever · 19/09/2018 11:55

I have a year 6 daughter. I think you are asking too much. There is hidden stress from stuff like this and I think you are asking for a
Little bit too much responsibility. Just because they can do something doesn't mean they should be.

Unihorn · 19/09/2018 11:59

I was doing this from Year 4 with a Year 6 brother about 20 years ago. I was the more sensible one as well. I think a lot of people's reactions are down to location as well. It's probably more common an occurrence in some areas than others. A big group of primary aged children play with low level supervision in our cul-de-sac from about reception onwards, so this doesn't seem dramatic to me.

Doingreat · 19/09/2018 12:05

Do it op. It will be good for them to develop much needed skills and independence. And of course save you money. I wish I could do
similar with my nearly 11 year old but he's not as responsible as your daughters sound.

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