To consider leaving my dds on their own for 30 mins in the morning?

[BoBoo]

DDs currently year 5 and 6 and at the moment, I need to leave for work just after 8am and they go to breakfast club. I am considering letting them stay at home by themselves for half an hour after I leave, when they would then walk themselves to school.

Both are very sensible, especially the eldest. She has a mobile, so could contact me if needed and our neighbour works from home so would be there if needed in case of an emergency. This would save us around £200 a month, which would be lovely, but I am also keen to increase responsibility and independence in preparation for secondary school next year. They are both comfortable with the idea. Do other people do similar, or AIBU?

Would it be worth getting a keysafe so they could get in if neccesary?

Probably a bit young but you know your kids. Mine are Y7 and Y5 and I wouldn't yet as I don't believe it is fair for a 12 yo to be responsible for a younger child but everyone is different. Mine stay at home alone or together but they just look after themselves and aren't having to get themselves out the door for school, lock up, be safe getting to school etc.

It's strange as there is another thread where the OP was upset about her XH letting her 7 yo DD play out alone and everyone piled in and told her she was ridiculous and that kids need independence. The responses on here are very very different.

The stories about what we did as children always come out on these threads. I walked to school at a similar age sometimes and was fine but I was also allowed to go round collecting sponsorships from local houses, I remember going inside several of them and in one case being asked to give a man a hug in return for the sponsorship. My parents never knew any of this. What we did in the past wasn't always better.

I think I might leave a sensible y6 to do this. I don’t think I would feel happy leaving that y6 child in charge of themselves AND a younger child though. No-maybe in another year. My y6 DD left the plug in and a tap dripping this morning in the bathroom with a flannel wedged by the overflow. I hadn’t noticed until later and the basin had nearly overflowed! Had I been at work-we might have had a problem, but luckily I wasn’t today. Maybe my DD is a bit dizzy though!

But Bees these 11 year olds can't suddenly be expected to sort themselves out for secondary overnight if they haven't been gradually given independence towards the end of primary school.

Mine are younger but I think at that age I would trust them yes, but the route to school is short -5 minutes with no major roads to cross.
I think a few trial runs would be in order and lots of discussion about "what if..."

What we did in the past wasn't always better. I don't think that's what we are saying, a poster says she remembers being very immature at that age. I'm saying that I was the opposite, I think I was more mature for having the freedom. We do live in times where it is less socially acceptable to do what we did in the 70s however, I think there is a middle ground here and being left in a house in presumably a nice area for a short period and to lock the house and walk to school at almost 11 and 9 certainly fits in that middle ground for me. 9 year old on her own, that would be a no. However next year when the eldest goes to high school then this year of doing it with big sister will be invaluable and she'll be in a good place to do it by herself if DD1 has to leave earlier than she does.

Exactly Sandy, dc have to be allowed to develop independence and confidence in their own abilities. If parents don't enable that then eventually they end up with children/teens who aren't capable of negotiating the basics of daily life!

Parents may well feel more comfortable treating a 10 year old like a 5 year old but ultimately imo they're doing their children a disservice. In this case the Op is talking about a 30 min period, sensible children and neighbours she knows as a safety net if needed. I don't think it's at all unreasonable.

I'd have left my children at that age - knowing what they were like. My only issue would have been making sure they were awake,but I assume they'll be up before you leave. All they probably have to do is pull a door shut. Maybe you have a neighbour who could check they are doing that for the first few days?

I'm now a mum of children aged 24,22,21 and 14. Nothing bad happened, even when I left them alone overnight. They were very well trained to be independent though.

I’m about to start doing this with 11 year old and nearly 14 year old. I leave house at 8am, DC at 8:10 but they go in different directions. 11 year old doesn’t really need to leave till 8:20 but don’t want to leave them responsible for locking up.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou- I work in secondary so it does take until mid morning.

However even in the case you describe the phone call won’t happen till 9:30. The children will have been last seen at 8am. That’s an hour and half unaccounted for.

Bigsandy I agree with you but this isn’t gradual is it, it’s exactly as much freedom/independence as she’ll need for secondary, but a year (or two for her sister) earlier. OP is not talking about once a week, it’s every day. I couldn’t do that to save money

My ds did this from y5 and no problems. I think once he forgot to lock the door. HE no longer wanted a childminder.

But Wax is being immature at 7/8/9 years old a bad thing? They've got their whole lives to be adults and to have to deal with responsibiltes.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou- I work in secondary so it does take until mid morning.

I guessed as much but surely MOST secondary school children go to school on their own anyway. My DS leaves at 7.35 to walk to school on his own and has done since the start of year 7 so only a few months older than 11.

Love, it isn't a good or a bad thing, it just is a stage of development. As parents it's up to us to gradually prepare our DC to be adults, sometimes the pace of that will be different for different DC for any number of reasons. In this scenario, I'd say 7 or 8 is too young, 9 with an older sibling seems okay for the average DC and 10 having done it with an older sibling for a year also seems doable. Sometimes our DC are capable of more than we think and we need to (on a risk assessed basis) give them the opportunity to try and sometimes to fail. They need to develop confidence and resilience and to learn to look after themselves. If OP didn't consider that her DC were potentially ready and had weighed up the risks she wouldn't be considering it. If DC aren't willing to try she'd be able to tell and if it's not working out then I presume she'll resort back to breakfast club.

I wouldn't think twice about leaving a 10 and 11 year old for half an hour. At first I read 5 and 6 and thought "OMG"

This may be a silly suggestion (and if it is I know people will say so!) but could you try it first on a day when you’re not working but they think you are -,leave at the time you would for work then lurk in the friendly neighbours house to see if they do actually leave on time and then either tail them or ask neighbour to

I think this is fine. They should be old enough at 9 and 10 to walk to school alone as long as they are both sensible and they stay together. I’ve recently started letting my 10 year old twins walk to school alone on a morning and I see it as necessary because in a year they will be at high school and will have to walk twice as far on their own. I think that independence needs to be built up gradually and this seems like a good way to do it.

I agree it's a very individual thing, dependent on the kids involved. But the OP has said they are sensible and happy to do this.

The over protectiveness of some parents doesn't stop even in mid-late teens. I recently left my 17 year old alone for the weekend and I had several comments asking if she'd be ok and offering to have her over to stay if she was struggling.

Not to mention the parents STILL tracking their adult 18 year olds on findmyphone etc .... I fear it's only going to get worse!

I would do it.

I think it's okay. Stuff like this depends on the children and if you feel they're sensible and trustworthy. I have an 11 year old and an 8 year old and I think I'd be okay with doing this if we were in the same situation. We do only live about 1 minute walk from their school though. My only real issue would be them getting out of the house okay. But some kind of alarm/cooker timer would be a good way to nudge them along. Can you do some kind of trial with them for a couple of days and see how they go?

Definitely fine.

Also, further to my post above, your eldest will be in high school this time next year and I think it's important to start giving them extra responsibility in preparation of becoming young adults. It's not like you're thinking of leaving the house at 6am and leaving them to it. Half an hour is really not a long time. Don't worry, just go with your gut feeling.

I probably would. Do you have local families near by that could keep an eye out? Dd was walking home from school by year 6 with friends, and there were usually a few local mums walking at the same time with younger dcs.

Would the younget one be ok next year tho when older one goes to comp? She may need to leave earlier.