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Original poster

...Is this too pushy? (Sports teams)

72 replies

IrisAnon · 18/09/2018 20:06

DS has started his new school and all going well. It's rugby season, and he has always hated rugby (dislikes pain Smile ) but is pretty competent and has lots of contact/ match experience from his old school. To be very clear, I don't think he will ever be A team material, so I don't feel I'm being pushy like 'that'.
It's very clear that lots of the boys haven't even played before, and he's been finding the training a bit boring as it is 'how to hold a rugby ball', but is determined to stick with it. He missed pre-season training selection as we were away on holiday, booked before we knew. I checked with the coach and he said it was constant assessment and match play.
So, after the school's first match (randomly allocated teams) where he got a couple of good runs and drew some comments, I felt he would probably make the C/D team.
As it happens, he has been left unallocated (not even on a team), and some of the boys who haven't ever played (some literally didn't even know which way to pass the ball) are above him in teams.

I've sent a query to head coach to ask if he can explain why this is, but I'm also not wanting to be a PITA pushy new parent. At which point do you become 'too pushy'? Would you have said something?
I just think it's all a bit shit.

OP posts:
Hillarious · 18/09/2018 22:52

Sign him up for korfball - they welcome everyone!

thejeangenie36 · 18/09/2018 22:53

So I'm a massive rugby fan, used to play though only socially. No direct experience of rugby at school but experience of other sports.

I don't understand the school's position on this, unless it's a case of the coach knowing the other boys and your DS working their way up. Missing pre season training would have been a no with my coaches, no matter how good I was (or in my case wasn't!). A positive attitude would also have been rewarded over competence.

But, as previous posters have said, I don't understand your position here. Your post starts with the fact that DS hates and has always hated rugby and dislikes contact. Hate is a strong word. So why play at all? Why not encourage other sports that he does enjoy? Studies have shown that poor tackle technique significantly increased the risk of injury, including head injury. If he's not engaged, he may well be at risk and the coaches may have picked up on that .

Logits · 18/09/2018 22:57

Maybe the coaches picked up on the fact that your son hates rugby and finds training boring.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/09/2018 22:59

How much do you know about rugby? I'm asking this because I play hockey, and some of the parents on the side line, get it completely wrong. They know nothing about hockey and think their kid is great because they can run rings around several of the opposition, and run the length of the pitch. What these parents fail to notice however, is that the final pass is crap and goes to the opposition. So all kid has achieved is wasted a bit of time, and this happens every time.
Keep the ball until you score.
I have no idea how much you know of sport, or how good your son is, but a few good runs could mean absolutely nothing.

JacquesHammer · 18/09/2018 23:04

I’m a rugby coach.

I pick teams on any number of points. The main has to be total commitment and interest. Playing a full contact sport half-heartedly is damn dangerous.

I wouldn’t pick the most talented player in the world if I felt he wasn’t in the right headspace to play.

If you son really wants to be picked, keep doing training, ensure he actually does and the change in attitude (if it happens) should mean a team spot at some point.

Just to clarify by “attitude” I’m not discussing a poor attitude, but I watch my players carefully and if I feel their aren’t quite there for a session they don’t play in the team, it isn’t a punishment - it is a safety issue.

JacquesHammer · 18/09/2018 23:05

Oh and when I train adults, we do “how to hold a rugby ball”. It’s a reminder, a freshener and helps me sort out who is committed.

puzzledlady · 18/09/2018 23:05

Maybe, you son is just not good enough, coupled with a vibe that says he isn't interested - thats probably enough for the coach to not give him a space.

Is there something else he is interested in that he might be good at?

A couple of passes in rugby is not good enough - you need so much.

deadcat · 19/09/2018 07:16

Yes pushy. And horrible to force your son to do a sport he doesn't like them send emails like that to the coach.

Numbkinnuts · 19/09/2018 20:05

Rugby is really dangerous,

OMG ! Thousands of children play it every week FFS

Northernparent68 · 19/09/2018 20:29

Perhaps basketball would suit him better

Lalliella · 19/09/2018 20:47

Rugby is really dangerous

I know someone who broke his neck playing rugby and was paralysed for life. I’m so glad DS doesn’t want to play it.

VinoISVeritas · 19/09/2018 21:09

@laliella

I know someone who had a car accident so now I don’t leave my house...c’mon!!

Numbkinnuts · 19/09/2018 21:09

I know someone who crossed the road and got run over Hmm

Get some perspective please.

Numbkinnuts · 19/09/2018 21:10

Ooo cross post Smile

RSTera · 19/09/2018 21:23

Those asking OP why she is making him play- if this is an independent school it won't be an option. It's rugby term, everybody plays.

OP my advice would be to help your DS find a sport he really likes and focus on that. Ignore rugby outcomes and just consider it a bit of fresh air during the school day.

ZanyMobster · 19/09/2018 21:29

I think you should just ask, put it in the way that he is disappointed especially as he has some experience previously so ask if they can they give you some feedback to pass on so 'he can work on it'.

ZanyMobster · 19/09/2018 21:31

To be honest though, I'd be very happy for my son to not be allocated a rugby team though, I hate watching kids play it. Every week on facebook I see a post with a photo of a child with a rugby related injury!

Satsumaeater · 20/09/2018 13:59

Thousands of children play it every week FFS

It doesn't mean it's not dangerous. It is. Much worse than other sports. And the touch option exists, which schools should stick to in my opinion.

JacquesHammer · 20/09/2018 14:03

Of course it has risks. Which is why coaches take that risk and any participation incredibly seriously.

Numbkinnuts · 20/09/2018 17:51

Children's rugby is very structured and they done play the full game with 14 aside until early teens.

The safety element is very much considered.

Any contact sport has an element of risk but to use the word 'really dangerous ' is OTT and borders on hysterical .

And please don't start quoting Dr Alison Pollock.

Numbkinnuts · 20/09/2018 17:52

15 aside !!

JacquesHammer · 20/09/2018 18:02

Children's rugby is very structured and they done play the full game with 14 aside until early teens

That’s actually incorrect. We play full 15 a-side and 13 a-side numbers of players depending from 8/9ish

Numbkinnuts · 20/09/2018 18:09

JacquesHammer

If you are in England look at the Age Grade rules of play for each age group.

U10 max of 8 per side
U11 max of 9

U14 you get to 15 aside

JacquesHammer · 20/09/2018 18:13

I’m oresuming you’re referring to Union?

In any event, I regularly coach at private schools & league clubs who play full team rugby under 10/11.

Numbkinnuts · 20/09/2018 18:15

Yes Union.

Because very few schools play League and were coming to the end of the League season.

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