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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

breastfeeding at 5 (and above?)

391 replies

cleopatracomingatya · 18/09/2018 17:05

fully expecting to get some extreme opinions here.

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/7286609/mum-breastfeeds-five-baths-naked-normal-break-stigma/

This is the article (and the bath photo is disturbing enough for me as it is)

interested to see the general consensus on this. AIBU to think this is just... no!!

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 18/09/2018 20:13

Nothing wrong with the woman bathing with a five year old, most of us do that but still breastfeeding? Very odd.

Can't imagine why she wants her and her son in the bath plastered in a newspaper.

TittyGolightly · 18/09/2018 20:14

but in a country where it's very rare she is singling him out for bullying and for his name to be forever googlable.

What major achievement ever comes from conformity?

No reason his name is forever Googleable. You didn’t not even know his surname.

gallicgirl · 18/09/2018 20:17

For all of you bashing the mum for choosing to publish the article and photos, just bear in mind she may not have been given the whole story.

There's a mum in a Facebook group I'm in who was approached recently for an article on natural term weaning. She prevaricated and changed her mind several times before agreeing, in the hope that it would help to normalise breastfeeding. However despite being promised details, she wasn't warned about publication and wasn't told which newspaper it would be in. She only knew it had been published when her brother called her.
Just wind your necks in a bit. After all, how often have journalists stolen stories from here?

PlinkPlink · 18/09/2018 20:22

Seriously... I don't get it.

You don't like it OP. That's fine. That's your opinion and choice. But why repost it here? Why do you care that much that you have copied a link and commented on this? Surely you can just click it off and go "Nope! Not for me, ta!"

Personally, I don't see anything wrong. It's her choice. She said she only does it a few times a week so it's not like he's permanently attached to her boob. She doesn't do it out in public anymore either.

I hope I'm not feeding for that long, I really would like my boobs back soon but I'm not actually going to stop my son doing it until he's ready. He's 14mo btw.

SunnyCoco · 18/09/2018 20:24

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes

Yes, I don’t put any photos of my kids on the Internet as I don’t feel like they can give informed consent. This is pretty usual in my circle of friends. To each their own though eh! :)

mumof2oneofeach · 18/09/2018 20:30

I don't often express opinions on here but - OP and anyone else bashing the lady for breastfeeding a 5 year old can jog off. I fed until 3.5 years because my child wanted to. Not because I wanted to - I certainly didn't! but they did. A breast is for milk, that's a fact. I felt ashamed sometimes when mine wanted feeding and that is so wrong. I should not have felt that and will support anyone whose child chooses to breastfeed beyond the 'normal' age of about 12 months. My child chose to stop, we stopped because of that, not because I was going to be swayed by other people.

dinosaurkisses · 18/09/2018 20:32

“The same could be said for God knows how many millions of images of kids on their parents' social media.”

I don’t know about you, but the vast vast majority of people I see who share pictures of their dc on social media limit it to snaps from days out at the zoo or a recent trip to a museum etc.

No they don’t have consent from their kids, but there’s a big difference in the potential for embarrassment between some pictures of a child fully clothed on a family day out and a picture of them as a 4 year old with their naked mother in the bath.

troodiedoo · 18/09/2018 20:39

@gallicgirl I'm was bashing the newspaper for publishing it, not the woman.

although she must take some responsibility for allowing a styled photo of her and her son in the bath to be taken. I would say the same if she was not bf ing.

shirleyschmidt · 18/09/2018 20:41

That would never be for me but it's obviously up to her what she does. The fact she's got a naked pic of her and her son in a national paper is what makes her seem a weirdo.

MammaSchwifty · 18/09/2018 20:47

I would be mortified if someone was distributing photographs of me bathing, naked, or dozens of close up pictures of me eating, all over public social media and the press. Why is this child not afforded the same respect and right to privacy as an adult has?

When I share a rare photo of my child, I do it on my locked-down account to friends only. As a pp has pointed out, the images are mundane and not the sort of material an adult would likely object to being shared amongst friends.

Why can't we respect children the same as adults in the matter of online privacy?

Elephantinacravat · 18/09/2018 20:48

I haven't seen the same repeated calls for 'consent!' before - and Lord knows 'mummy blog' type things are discussed here enough.

Really? A large part of the Instamum threads on here are discussion about them posting intimate pics of their kids (eg. Them taking a shit on a potty) without the child's consent.

Also, can people really not see the difference between posting a snap of your kid at the park or something on a private FB page, and a picture of your 5 year old kid naked in the bath with you sucking on your boob in a national newspaper? Confused

LyndorCake · 18/09/2018 20:56

My son started refusing boob at around 12 months so I stopped then.

Can I please ask mums who bf toddlers, just how?? I've seen the way DS goes on with his bottle, even his cups! No way my nipple would be anywhere near his mouth! Dangerous!!

MaAnandSheela · 18/09/2018 21:02

WTAF!?! 😮😐

I showed the picture to my husband and his response was "Is that legal?" Then "That will be fun for him when he's older and people find that photo of him."

BooooHiss · 18/09/2018 21:06

.... sorry, still think it's really weird. School age kids on the breast is just odd.

PlinkPlink · 18/09/2018 21:10

Hmm... I'm pro breastfeeding til whenever.

But I'm against taking photos and publishing them online for all to see. I have put on 8 photos of my son on Instagram. That's it. They can only be seen by people I I know. Even then I feel uncomfortable. I don't like sharing our special family moments. They're ours. Not for anyone else to comment on. Really thinking of taking them off actually.
(Note: never shared a pic of BFing)

TittyGolightly · 18/09/2018 21:11

School age kids on the breast is just odd.

So in countries where children don’t start school till age 7......?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/09/2018 21:12

No they don’t have consent from their kids, but there’s a big difference in the potential for embarrassment between some pictures of a child fully clothed on a family day out and a picture of them as a 4 year old with their naked mother in the bath

I know - but there is a principle here. Once we cast ourselves as arbiters of what our DC will and won't likely find embarrassing, everyone will have different parameters.

And the reality is that some parents DO post embarrassing pictures. I'm just aware that this woman is getting a lot of criticism for 'no consent' and I think it's a complex issue.

Also, can people really not see the difference between posting a snap of your kid at the park or something on a private FB page, and a picture of your 5 year old kid naked in the bath with you sucking on your boob in a national newspaper?

Yes, of course they can. But it's not simple. I'm exploring the principle of consent within the context of the thread. The internet and social media makes it a tricky area and I'm struck that this woman is attracting so many cries of 'no consent!' when the picture is a loving, nurturing one that is patently not designed to humiliate her child.

I think there is some unconscious negative projection here, despite the general hum of approval for the act of feeding an older child.

MammaSchwifty · 18/09/2018 21:17

Yes, of course they can. But it's not simple. I'm exploring the principle of consent within the context of the thread. The internet and social media makes it a tricky area and I'm struck that this woman is attracting so many cries of 'no consent!' when the picture is a loving, nurturing one that is patently not designed to humiliate her child.

Would you want someone to share a photo of you in the bath spun for the Sun newspaper, a rag which has a readership with a taste for the sensational?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/09/2018 21:25

Would you want someone to share a photo of you in the bath spun for the Sun newspaper, a rag which has a readership with a taste for the sensational?

No Confused. My first comment on this thread was that I don't think she should have shared it.

CountessVonBoobs · 18/09/2018 21:33

Can I please ask mums who bf toddlers, just how?

The same way you always have. They're only ever one day older than they were yesterday. You enforce "breast manners" and if they don't behave they don't get any.

The only abnormal thing here is Western culture's divorce from the normal way children are fed. It's bloody bizarre to consider it completely normal for adults to drink industrially-extracted bovine breastmilk, but "weird" for small children to nurse.

Incidentally, for those who think feeding a child of this age is "just for the mother", how do you envisage they get these reluctant children to nurse? I'd love your tips on how to get 3-5 year olds to do things they don't want to do.

MammaSchwifty · 18/09/2018 21:34

shegotbette
Ah right, it's just that it sounded like you found the image sharing a consensual grey area since it's a loving photo.

I disagree that the consent cries are all down to negative projection though. I couldn't care less how long people breastfeed for, but I find the commoditization of children's images/private lives, and the selling of their privacy for social media 'likes' rather disturbing.

penisbeakers · 18/09/2018 21:36

BITTY.

Sengah · 18/09/2018 21:40

LOLs at the posters who worry that extended BF means the child would only ever see you as a vessel etc. Such nonsense! What is specific to BF in this versus all the other physical repetitive acts of love a mother does - bottom wiping, hair brushing, food making etc. Why are you not worried that children will only ever see you as the e.g. Hand That Wiped Their Bottom?

EwItsAHooman · 18/09/2018 21:40

Can I please ask mums who bf toddlers, just how?

Exactly the same way you feed a baby. DD usually feeds at breakfast time and bedtime, then will have a feed during the day occasionally if she's very tired/unwell/unsettled.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/09/2018 21:44

I find the commoditization of children's images/private lives, and the selling of their privacy for social media 'likes' rather disturbing

I feel exactly the same way, but I have been surprised on this thread by the shouts for 'consent consent consent,' when most parents don't get their DC's consent for their own social media. Which then throws open all the arguments about arbitrary lines in the sand of what is potentially going to embarrass a child in the future and whether that in itself is the wrong foot to jump off on.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm still thinking about it and my views are a bit nascent, but I do find this area prickly.