To think life is kind of shit? We are all just 'surviving'.

[RedBus50]

The stress of work, I work for hours, so I can pay bills, etc.

Can't ever get time off to enjoy a nice holiday. My weekend is filled with the dread of such a busy week.

I'm just always told oh that's adult life.

Bit shit, no?

Try looking for a job in a different field? (If the long hours no holidays are due to that). If you feel your bills stop you from doing this I’d try looking again at what you pay out, maybe even move house and downsize and decide whether you would rather pay out for what you currently do, or if you would rather have a bit of free time. I’m sorry I know that’s sounds like I’m oversimplifying it, but I have been in the same position myself before and realise that it can be hell,especially if you’ve spent £££££ and years qualifying in a profession and feel like you can’t leave. Sometimes just changing employer, but not profession helps too. The people we work with and the culture of the company we work for can have a massive affect on your happiness. Hope you find a solution that works for you xxx

Is it shit?

I haven't had a holiday for 2 years, I'm 50, have my grandchildren, work 15 hours a day, and care for my MIL who's at the end of life.

I make an effort to go out, even just walking the dog and have made some lovely friends this way.

I wouldn't change what I have, struggling to the end of the month, DH medically retired, only income stream is me, but we manage. Bills are paid, no disposable income after all is paid. If I sat and thought about it, I'd be writing the same.

But, do you know what, OP? It is shit, but there are some subtle changes you can make that might make it less shit.

What do you think you can do?

I think the key is finding what you enjoy, if you’re lucky it’s something you can partake in regularly and cheaply (bit unlucky if your true passion is travelling the world), so you can keep doing it no matter what else is going on in your life. For me, fortunately, it’s music. No matter how shit my life has been at times (and it’s been shit), music has always been there and it’s impossible not to be satisfied and euphorically happy at least some of the time knowing I can always turn the music on.

RedneckStumpy you declared yourselves bankrupt? So you had nothing to lose?

I think it’s mostly down to luck. I had a great and supportive childhood. Started out life with no debt thanks to my parents (Not rich at all but huge emotional support). Made a few big decisions that turned out to lead me to wonderful things and then in turn the exposure to these things has led to me being able to see where possibilities lie and not being afraid to take risks as I have a very soft landing regardless in terms of my family, support, ability to earn. But it all stemmed from the family I was born into and their support and belief in me.

I often look at people who are miserable and wish I could help them fix it. But people really often aren’t open to help and can’t see what is possible for many many reasons. It all stems from believing in yourself and that includes refusing to tie yourself to a deadwood user of a partner. Things snowball in both positive and negative directions. But once you’re an adult you have to help yourself no matter how unfair or unlucky your starting point.

OP, take a close look at what is holding you back. Don’t be afraid to move jobs/roles/careers if you want to. Not all his with the same pay and same descriptions are equal at all. Being in an environment that doesn’t stress you out is worth searching for. Money is critical, don’t be afraid to go after it. Even if you don’t like where it leads you you can use it to springboard to the next job. No job owns you, you are just doing them a favour for as long as you’re willing. I don’t know your exact situation so it’s hard to advise. It could be a partner holding you back, even just in subtle ways?

Just try and make some little meaningful changes. By meaningful I don’t mean ‘moisturise daily so you feel better about yourself’ I mean join a cheap class one evening a week to learn something new/interesting/challenging. Or apply for 5 jobs and just do the interviews you get even if you’re not planning to move jobs. You might be surprised how it makes you think and see some opportunities in a new way.

Good luck.

I feel like this too ... it's not shit per se, just tedious.

I can't see how to retrain - just starting the first of ten years of putting children through university. Large mortgage and already live in a dreadful part of the country...! Can't move as divorced so tied to this area...and looking after elderly parents ...

It's really hard to take the sort of risks you need to take to change your life if you need your pay packet each month.

I really DON'T recommend living rurally! So few options and you get tied to the area.

What is the purpose of Life OP? At its most basic it is surely just to live long enough to procreate. You need food, water and protection against the elements (clothing and shelter).
If you are meeting those essential needs you are winning The Game of Life. You could escape the rat race you feel you are in by giving up your job, sell all but your most essential basic necessities, buy a smallholding and live on what you can grow and catch.

Can you imagine it? You won't be bored I bet, you'll never have a single day off and you have every chance of starving to death.

Out of three young men I know (30s), one has a good job but hates it, can't get up in the morning and likely to end up homeless. One can't stick at a job any more than a few months and goes on benefits in between jobs; and the third has just been evicted from his social housing flat because he spent all his benefits on weed and didn't pay the rent. (On benefits because he doesn't like working). No one would choose to work, given the option!

YANBU It can feel very hard going at times. I feel like my life is constant stress and rushing around to please everyone else. Four teenagers, two dogs, two jobs and a dh who isn't in the best of health which is always a worry. I find little things help - having something to look forward to, a weekend away, afternoon tea out, a family meal out and a night off from cooking. Obviously these things cost money and we are lucky that we can afford the odd treat. It must be very hard to keep going when you don't even have little things to look forward to.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I generally feel the opposite. I hope things improve for you.

Making the change is as easy as you want it to be. You need to be willing to take a risk

It isn’t that easy when you have other people to consider.

OnlyFoolsnMothers

We sold everything we owned and left with a wad of cash in our pocket.

We declared bankruptcy only because the house didn’t sell and it was insurance to prevent NRAM chasing us.

We left for our new country with no permanent home set up, no jobs lined up. If the gamble went wrong we would be homeless in a new country, with no way to return to the UK

@RedNeckStumpy

I think that was very courageous of you.

I'm always stressed. If I won the lottery and spent the rest of my life on a desert island I would still stress, my health anxieties would get out of control or I would worry about the world ending.

I do feel like I'm on a hamster wheel and feel overwhelmed but I think that's the way I'm made.

Yes, it is all we do from the minute we are born. Try to survive until we die obviously.

Don't get me wrong. I am very content with life and I have a lot of happiness in it. I love my job and currently I have a good balance between work, studying and home life. I still think life is pretty bloody difficult and tedious.

How did you manage to get visas, @RedneckStumpy? Do you or your DH have a parent from the US?

NotHermione

I am duel nationality

Sympathy can be amazingly helpful though. Some people have this weird idea that it's negative to agree with someone when they're struggling, like it'll make them wallow in it maybe?

I think that's rubbish. For example, I had a bloody awful childhood by anyone's standards, after a long line of 'it could've been worse' etc someone finally said 'poor you Postino' and it felt like a weight had been lifted. I'll always remember that moment.

Having someone acknowledge your problems can be priceless.

I feel like you OP. Mainly because all my jobs seem to end in redundancy. Not my fault, for a things like company mergers, moving offices to a different place, closures of departments due to restructuring of outsourcing. (& yes the latest redundancy due to stupid brexit!)
It just means that I have to reinvent myself every 3-4 years. I can't retrain because it's to expensive (I don't quality for any type of finding.) I have qualifications in a very nishe field but a wealth of transferable skills. But still, always stating near the bottom!
After all that, my advice is, don't stop and think, get a hobby or have some me time and value your greatest asset: your health.

I don't know, I work full time too but I still have plenty of time for hobbies and free times and my weekends are action packed with fun.

Why don't you feel like you have time?

I also don't earn much but I have lots of cheap trips away in the UK. Life is what you make it.

And if you’re not happy, change it!
This ^^. There are all sorts of little changes you can make if you really look hard and think outside the box.

Yanbu op and I can see it getting worse post Brexit 😭

RedNeck I'm pleased to hear you have been successful, however, I haven't got dual nationality to any other Country

Agree with you OP. Adult life just feels like endless slog. Struggling for some semblance of time and space just for me amid work and bills and stress. I'm actually finding it hard to find one positive thing in my life at the moment.

Depressingly I have another 33 years to go before retirement and the thought horrifies me. 33 more years of working for not enough money. NHS pay rises which aren't pay rises at all but leave you worse off and struggling to get by.

@RedBus50 it's a grind I get it. Could you find some temporary happiness in small pleasures?a really nice cup of tea or a good book from the library? A conversation with a friend or even planning something to look forward to?

It is a bit shit but you do have some control/choice.

I hope things improve.

Redneck, I think you're over simplifying things a lot. Moving to a country you have dual nationality of implies you may have family there? And you said you already had a temporary place to live. Those are safety nets that not everyone has. Not to mention, moving to another country, particularly an English speaking one is next to impossible for a lot of people.