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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be unsure about our childminder?

36 replies

stiltonontoast · 17/09/2018 22:03

DS had his first full day with the childminder last week, he is only going to be there one day a week but it’s a long day 8am til 5.30pm. I’ve met her, checked out her house and seen her with the children she cares for. She seems fine, if a little loud and brash (we are quite a quiet, chilled family) on our first meeting she explained how my son would have a daily diary online she’d fill in to keep me updated.

On the day i received no updates or photos, had to text her to check everything was ok - and got a pretty generic response. Our son had been constipated up until the point he went to her, but i forgot to mention it. When DH picked him up she said that he’d done a normal poo around midday - considering he hadn’t pooed normally for around a week (and when he had they’ve been like rocks and certainly couldn’t be considered normal) or a few days after I find it a bit hard to believe. She also said he’d barely napped - 30 mins at most, whereas he usually has/needs 3 hours a day at least.

She also sent DS home with food all over his face and clothes - imagine if you just didn’t clean a 6 month olds face after eating and left it to dry - that.

I’m just getting a bad feeling about her. Am I overreacting? The dirty face thing really bothers me - it’s basic hygiene surely?

OP posts:
Losingthewill1 · 17/09/2018 22:04

Give her another two days, text her regularly and just gauge from that point.

Laquila · 17/09/2018 22:05

Trust your instinct. None of those things on their own, for me, would be a dealbreaker, but I can see how cumulatively you might be wondering if you’d made the right decision. Do you have any other options? You need to be able to trust totally whoever you leave your Chris with,

Laquila · 17/09/2018 22:05

*leave your CHILD with!! I don’t know who Chris is 😂

Puddlejumps · 17/09/2018 22:06

Trust your gut, if you don’t feel happy you will never really be happy. Can you look into alternatives?

Moononthehill28 · 17/09/2018 22:08

I would say really not okay to return your child dirty and unwashed. Trust your gut instinct.

LoveAGoodChat · 17/09/2018 22:09

You need to set up a nanny cam in your house where you can tune in from work on your phone or tablet and see what is happening, and then you can see how she is with your son and whether what you see happening tally's with what she says is happening...

But if you feel something is off with her, get another child minder, don't leave your son with someone you are 100% sure of

Justabouthadituptohere · 17/09/2018 22:09

Trust your gut and I say that from experience.

Nicknacky · 17/09/2018 22:11

love That’s not going to show much considering she is a childminder......

LoveAGoodChat · 17/09/2018 22:11

*you aren't 100% sure of

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/09/2018 22:13

You need to set up a nanny cam in your house where you can tune in from work on your phone or tablet and see what is happening, This is a childminder not a nanny. You can't bug a childminder's house!

AJPTaylor · 17/09/2018 22:14

I think that leaving a child with food dried onto his face on day 1 is not great tbh

Isadora2007 · 17/09/2018 22:17

No you’re not being unreasonable. You have good reason to believe she is lying (the poops) and evidence she isn’t caring for him appropriately (the face). He cannot tell you what is happening so please trust your gut and find someone new.

Isadora2007 · 17/09/2018 22:18

And personally I’d be calling the care commission.

sirmione16 · 17/09/2018 22:18

I can understand kids get messy but simply not cleaning their faces after they've eaten ?! Or at least encouraging them too if they're old enough to do it themselves with a wet wipe or something. I don't know... doesn't sound very nurturing /:

Notcontent · 17/09/2018 22:20

I agree it doesn’t sound great. It’s almost an instinctive thing that if you see a baby or a small child with food or snot or whatever on their face, you clean them up...

WhatAPandemonium · 17/09/2018 22:20

I wouldn't be able to stand the loudness and brashness! I'd have parted company based on that alone Grin

Onlyfools · 17/09/2018 22:20

Yeah it doesn’t sound great.

I honestly think some childminders get too relaxed and don’t keep up their standards after doing it so long and with many different kids.

It’s sad. I’ve been to see 3 different childminders and none have wowed me. One has utterly shocked me. The other two just seemed so unmotivated.

I have two other childminders lined up this week to visit. If none impress I’m going to a nursery. At least there they are forced to maintain standards.

DesertCactus · 17/09/2018 22:22

Trust your instinct and don't send him back.

crosstalk · 17/09/2018 22:24

Oh for heaven's sake. It could be OP's DS did poop by himself possibly encouraged by other children or lack of pressure. He might barely have napped because of the other kids ditto. The OP will presumably know now. The best thing to do is go round or phone her and say she didn't keep the OP updated and the child wasn't washed on pick-up. If none of the answers make the OP happy, then s/he is off to sort out another CM.

crispysausagerolls · 17/09/2018 22:25

I wouldn’t send my child back if I felt anything less than 100% sure about her

someonekillbabyshark · 17/09/2018 22:25

Don't send him back! Clearly can't keep track of the kids if she thinks your DS did a poo when he's obviously very constipated, Food all over him ? Really, not great really is it if she can't even wipe his face how do you know she's even wiping his wet bum when he's done a wee?

QuacksInTheDark · 17/09/2018 22:25

I’m an EYP and imo that’s not acceptable, she’s lied for some odd reason (why lie? If they don’t poo they don’t poo!) and failed to realise that it’s not acceptable to leave a child dirty like that.
Personal care is important and includes keeping faces clean, that’s very basic hygiene practice, if she’s failing on the basics I’d be concerned about everything else.

QuacksInTheDark · 17/09/2018 22:26

The napping thing is normal though, a child in a new environment will find it hard to settle for sleep.

Onlyfools · 17/09/2018 22:26

Following on from my comment some of the things that have been said over the last weeks in my visits..

  1. Where will she nap (almost 2 and naps 2-3 hours a day) - hmm does she still nap? Well I guess the couch?
  1. What will you feed her for lunch? We’re usually rushing for nursery and school drop offs so will be tinned food. Lovely Hmm
  1. One childminder opened the door to food spilled all over her tshirt and trousers, dirty nappy left on floor, grubby broken toys. Awful.

I’ve also watched childminders at softplay and they sit at a table enjoying a cup of tea whilst their minded kids are told to “go away and play!” Or their babies are placed on the mat and left to play alone with zero interaction. It’s such a poor standard.

Maybe I’m unusual but I want someone to get involved and speak to my child, play with her, run after her and help her to climb and explore.

LoveAGoodChat · 17/09/2018 22:28

www.childcare.co.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwof3cBRD9ARIsAP8x70N6BiNCaGmuwIKTvbHtYji4-zDC_mo8Sp91XEblspyBSuJNsRbS2sMaAhFLEALw_wcB

Op this might be useful for finding another child minder in your area