To be a bit annoyed that my friend, who was looking after my baby, let her daughter take her to the park on her own?

[AnnaFW]

Hiya, my 14 month old daughter was being looked after by my friend (bit of an emergency, so was last minute). Her daughter was home (18) who I haven't ever met before, she's at university, so she isn't there much.

I come to collect my daughter and I'm greeted by my friend who tells me "oh they're at the park" and I'm obviously concerned asking who is and she goes so casually "(her daughter's name) and (my daughter's name)"

I've never met her daughter and it seemed a bit unreasonable to not even let me know.

AIBU?

Well your friend knows her better than anyone........and you trust your friend so id hope you'd trust her enough to knkw she wouldnt put your child in any danger.

Gersemi- because PPs have pointed out that the daughter was “an adult she (the friend) trusted”.
Can you honestly say you’d be happy for your baby to be in the care of someone you’d never met?? Regardless of whether they were known and trusted by a friend of yours?

I would be upset if I had entrusted my baby with a friend and she left her in the care of someone is never met.

*I'd never

YABU

If you trust your friend enough to leave your 14mth old with her then you should trust her judgement to allow her 18yo to take her to the park.

This was an emergency situation, the friend did you a massive favour, if you throw it back in her face because she allowed her child to watch yours then I doubt she will be so willing to jump into the breach of you ever have another emergency.

Also context is key - there may have been a very good reason for the DD to take your child out to help her mother. For example perhaps your friend needed to make an important phone call and your child was being loud so her daughter offered to take her to the park for half an hour so she could get it done or something similar.

Just because she offered emergency childcare doesn't mean she could put her entire life on hold and she took the help offered.

I'd be utterly pissed. It stands to reason that if I have not met an adult then neither have my kids. So effectively my kids would be with a stranger - to them & me. Sorry but no matter how much i trusted somebody i would not be happy with them handing the kids to someone else. Luckily the friends that i trust with my children know this so it would never happen.

If your friend felt she couldn't care for your daughter she should have said. There's no reason for her handing her over to anybody regardless of how much she trusts that person

Wow, I'm amazed that so many of you would trust someone to look after your child but not trust them to make a decision like this!! It's the park with her daughter not a crack den with her dealer.. Jesus.

YANBU I'd be livid. I wouldn't say anything since it was a once off emergency situation but I wouldn't give your baby to that friend again.

I trust paid childminders to care for my children. They are absolutely brilliant with them. I still wouldn't be happy if they left them in the care of someone i - or my kids - had never met.

Bloody hell I thought you were gonna say her 7yo took her to the park! It's her adult daughter not some random!

I wouldn't be livid but I wouldn't be overjoyed either. I can see why she did it (she knows her daughter better than anyone and knows she is great with babies etc. Etc.) I think I would just chalk it up to experience and not ask her for childcare favours again. If you raise it she might feel it is an issue with her daughter and is likely to feel defensive. If using her for childcare is something you are going to do in the future then raise it but be tactful.

PissedOff comparing paid and organized childcare to an emergency situation where a friend stepped in to help for free is a straw man argument and is not a remotely fair argument.

I can see why you'd be freaked, but I assume from your OP that she's a nice girl? Your friend probably thought it would be nice for your baby and her daughter. They probably had a fab time.

melj1213 the fact someone is paid is irrelevant. People are going on about trust. If you trust somebody to mind your child you should trust their judgement. Why is that any different with any other person then? If you trust a friend's judgement because you trust them to mind your child, then the same applies to anybody you trust to mind your child surely?

And the fact it was an emergency situation doesn't change anything imo. The friend agreed to help then handed DD over to somebody OP had never met. Nobody is ever obligated to say yes even in an emergency situation!

PissedOff because with paid childcare I am paying that specific person to care for my child. I am not paying them to get someone else to look after my child unless they are part of their business and/or are an employee. There are zero occasions when they would need to make the judgement call about another random person watching my child while in their care. If there was an emergency then they should be contacting me to make alternative arrangements.

The OPs situation is different, they asked a friend to watch their child as a favour in an emergency. There is no formal agreement in place, no contract, no employment, no payment and no official policy stating who can watch the child.

The expectation - that they care for your child - is (i presume) the same regardless of who looks after your child. I don't personally hold my friends to a lesser standard of basic care than I do a paid childminder!
Replace 'DD i have never met' with 'partner i have never met' - would you feel the same way? If you would, kudos to you. Personally i would be extremely unhappy with somebody handing my kids over to anybody i have not even spoken to. Thankfully, as i say, the few friends i do trust to have my kids know this & wouldn't send them on their merry way with somebody they knew i had never met.

YANBU -the daughter is a stranger , it's your call if you deemed her responsible enough to look after your 14 month old. The friend shouldn't have agreed to look after baby if she wasn't going to be the one looking after said baby

TBH I’d have probably felt a bit odd if I arrived to collect my baby and she was out with someone I’d never met. Even if I knew logically they’d be fine.
I don’t think you can say anything though. You left your child with her and trusted her judgement. She let her adult dd take the baby out who she obviously knows better than anyone. I think if you don’t want it to happen again you’ll need to have someone else look after your dd next time.

You have a point but on the other hand as you said it was an unplanned thing and your friend was helping you out. It entirely possible that your friend could only help you by using her daughter to do this favour to you. Yes she should have said something, but I somehow doubt she would allow her daughter to do this with someone else's child if she herself has issues with it. So on balance it's one of those YANBU to say something like 'It would have be nice to introduce DD to the 18yr old yourself beforehand' but you WBU to make a big deal from it.

Did you DD enjoy going to the park?

YANBU I wouldn't be happy with an 18 year old stranger looking after my 14 month old child.... just No.