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Original poster

To still be angry at inconsiderate, selfish, attention seeking twats on Facebook

49 replies

forumdonkey · 17/09/2018 07:19

A few days ago, my friend lost her battle with cancer in her early 40s. She left behind DC's in their early 20s. By the afternoon news had filtered out. Both her Facebook and her DC's had no mention of her passing, so why the fuck someone, who wasnt even close to her, thought it be would be appropriate to announce it on Facebook! Her DC, very politely (more politely than I would have been) asked to refrain from posting as some members of the family were unaware of the situation.

Dispite comments on the their posts and a status only one out of about five removed their posts.

What is wrong with these inconsiderate fuckers? None of them were her family or close friends, what gave them the right to announce it when clearly her family hadn't?!

OP posts:
DannyWallace · 17/09/2018 07:49

YADNBU!
My friends DC passed away a few years ago. DC was very young and it was very fast, and (of course)!very traumatic for my friend.
Our whole community was in shock and rallied round to help contact who she needed us to.
2 years later we were speaking about it. She said one of the things that hurt the most was that she spoke to her cousin and told her what happened, and the cousin then wrote it on my friends FB wall! WTF?! She hadn't even managed to tell the whole family yet, and people found out that way?!
I don't know what goes through people's head when they do stupid, pathetic things like that!

MissionItsPossible · 17/09/2018 07:52

I’m sorry to hear that about your friend.

Someone in my area committed suicide recently and someone filmed it and put it on Facebook. The comments and the amount of ‘😂’ emojis sickened me. People are so entitled and brave when they can anonymously be so.

ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 07:55

It's awful, I personally would always check first. I found out my nan who I was really close to had died via Facebook (dm but it was still awful). The care home worker messaged me to say how sorry she was. To be fair to her she didn't know I wasn't aware as I was on holiday but I just feel I would want to make doubly sure everyone was aware.

I would hope that the people are doing it for what they think are the right reasons but to not remove it is bloody awful. They would be blocked immediately.

TittyGolightly · 17/09/2018 08:06

Zany my cousin put up a tribute to my nan before I’d been told. I had something important on that day so wasn’t online and members of my immediate family rallied to get the post taken down so that I could be told when I was free. For that I will be forever grateful.

(Stupid got always posts the results of F1 races I haven’t seen as well. Angry)

TittyGolightly · 17/09/2018 08:06

*git

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 17/09/2018 08:11

YADNBU. When my mum died my cousin put up a drunken rambling announcement on FB. She was known for her attention seeking lies so I was getting phone calls and having to explain it was true, which was ripping me apart each time. We were all lost in grief. I ended up putting it on my own facebook page about my mums death which is not what I wanted to do but I couldn't cope with anymore phone calls.

ethelfleda · 17/09/2018 08:22

YANBU. People can be so thoughtless. I hate Facebook!!!

periperimenopause · 17/09/2018 08:29

I hate these people. They have some sort of need to be first to share something like this. I suspect there will be a name for this desire to be the one to tell everyone bad news.
We had a boss like this years ago. A few of us had a deal that if anything happened to one of the group, our family would tell those few as a priority. Those in the group would then get to work super early and stand at the front door telling people as they came in. We couldn't bear the thought of her revelling in the bad news and soaking up the drama in being the bearer of it

AamdC · 17/09/2018 08:34

People like the attention my sil died very suddenly three and a hslf years ago(sepis) we used to work together so had mutual friends the amount of people saying they were devastated and gettung lots of sorru for your loss hun etc when they couldnt be arsed keeping in touch with her IRL was sickening Hmm

AceAcer · 17/09/2018 08:42

Because for some people everything has to be all about them, even when they are barely involved.

Kahlua4me · 17/09/2018 08:48

I think it is that people like the personal attention they get from posting.

My mum died in an accident a few years ago and I can still remember how hurt I was that a cousin put a message on Facebook saying how sad it was and how it makes her dread getting old.

Firstly, age had absolutely nothing to do with her death and secondly all that happened was my cousin had lots of replies asking if she was okay and how sad they were for her! Said cousin never contacted me to ask how I was and I have not spoken to her since....

pumpastrotter · 17/09/2018 11:45

Grief stealers are some of the worst attention seekers and need calling out on it.

My cousin does this and I cannot bear her, any opportunity she gets, she even tags herself at hospital when she's not the one in it! Recently her friend's DM died very suddenly and for 3 weeks after there was post after post of 'life is so cruel' 'why do these bad things always happen' etc... fishing for people to ask what's wrong. Absolutely pathetic.

Maginthemirror · 17/09/2018 12:10

My husband died unexpectedly at work. My eldest son was away in Spain and I was desperately trying to get hold of him. My biggest fear was that one of my husbands wo4kmates would put something on Facebook. Thankfully they didn’t but it added to the stress of the day.

AhoyDelBoy · 17/09/2018 12:39

@MissionItsPossible someone filmed an actual suicide taking place and put it on FB!? Holy fucking shit, I’m speechless, that’s horrendous Shock

Sorry for the loss of your friend OP Flowers

It will be 10 years this Christmas Day that my DF died of cancer, it’s hard.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 17/09/2018 12:44

YANBU but unfortunately it seems to be very common. It's people's way of feeling involved.

One of my students, who I had in class for 5 years was killed in an accident 2 weeks ago. The number of people posting on his FB page "I didn't know you but..."

The town's local page was awash with utter rubbish written about him, that would actually make him laugh were it not for the circumstances.

I saw nothing on FB from his classmates, including the boys who were actually with him when the accident happened.

I am actively avoiding one of dd's friend's mums, who apparently was at the funeral because "he was from this town" Hmm She was after ringing me to tell me all about it but her dd had spotted me along with all the other teachers of his class. If I am being kind, maybe she was paying her respects, but truth is, she wanted a piece of the action- to say she had been there.

Sometimes a dignified silence is worth more than any Fb grief-haggery.

Flowers for your loss OP.

RibbonAurora · 17/09/2018 12:58

Sorry for your loss, OP. Horribly self-centered for outsiders to want to be first with breaking news of this kind. I can only imagine they get some kind of self-important 'kick' from appearing to be closer or more involved with the deceased than they actually are and therefore their grief matters more than anyone else's.

FullOfNothing · 17/09/2018 13:21

Someone once told me they liked hearing about tragedies and natural disasters because it gave them something interesting to talk about. Like people dying and losing everything was entertainment in the same way a movie is. This was said in regards to her keen interest in a natural disaster occurring near my hometown. Angry

You are Definitely not being unreasonable. People like that are heartless.

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 17/09/2018 13:23

I know the sort, I call them Grief Thiefs Angry

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 17/09/2018 13:30

I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.

YANBU at all. I know someone just like this. Everything always has to be on FB and she has to do it first. When my sister had her baby I was with her, took some photos as you do. This person messaged asking for photos as they wouldn’t get the chance to visit until tomorrow and then plastered my privately sent pictures all over the place. I was Shock.

lynmilne65 · 17/09/2018 13:43

Ahoy 100% agree

MissusGeneHunt · 17/09/2018 13:48

YADNBU OP, and I'm sorry for your loss and those others above.

Some people are completely insensitive, and are, as a PP succinctly put it 'grief thieves'. I find it odder than odd. This is just one of th emany reasons I hate FB.

Heynuggy · 17/09/2018 14:29

A person around the same age as me, with the same, uncommon, name died. That day and the next I had about twenty Facebook friend requests from total strangers.
Social media makes, or allows, people to behave in strange ways.

Original poster
forumdonkey · 17/09/2018 15:21

I was so angry on her and her DC's behalf and days later I still am. Only one person had the decency to take it down.

Wtf is it with some people? They've clearly got no respect, decency or shame.

I can't believe some of the posts on here. It's so upsetting that thoughtless, attention seekers are making a distressing and horrendous time even worse.

OP posts:
loopylass13 · 17/09/2018 15:39

A girl I know found out her uncle was stabbed to death via Facebook - easier if said relative is old and you expect it, this one was so out of the blue. She thought it was a joke at first.

Clandestino · 17/09/2018 15:44

It's really horrendous. I don't understand how people can believe this belongs on FB. If I can meet the person in RL or know the phone number, I certainly won't be posting anything like that on FB.
Likewise, I don't get people who express their lurve for their "hubby" (a little bit of vomit in my mouth there) or their dear children on FB at their birthdays or weddings anniversaries. Why the fuck if the person lives with you in the same household?

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