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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what exactly you think it IS reasonable to post on Facebook?

30 replies

minniemummy0 · 17/09/2018 06:33

So the general consensus seems to complete bafflement as to why anyone would post their food on Facebook. And “checking in” is showing off, posting things about your children is an invasion of their privacy and potentially upsetting to people struggling with fertility. Posting rants is being a drama-queen / attention seeking, posting acheievements is also showing off, posting inspirational quotes is a sign of low intelligence... the list of crimes and faux pas is endless.

So what exactly SHOULD people post on Facebook?

OP posts:
Jezzifishie · 17/09/2018 06:39

Whatever the hell they like. If people don't like it, there's an unfriend/unfollow button. Wink

MaisyPops · 17/09/2018 06:46

Whatever they like to some extent. I think the ok/not ok comes more from tone than anything else.

E.g. Pregnancy announcement - cool
Pregnancy announcement where you're commenting on how super fertile you are and it was a total surprise- not cool becaus you sound like a dick and you don't know other people's struggles

E.g. You've achieved something or have gone somewhere nice or have enjoyed a holiday- cool
Big long gushing posts about how you needed this weekend away at a spa, long lists about possessions etc - not cool

E.g. Christmas photos - cool
Night before Christmas photo of a massive pile of presents saying 'can't wait to see the look on their faces'- not cool because the real subtext is look how many presents we've done aren't we good parents

Checking into A&E and vaguebooking only to say 'inbox me hun' when people ask is almost always a stupid thing to do.

Passive aggressive rants that are clearly about someone are stupid. E.g. Well that just goes to show your real friends aren't always there for you. I'm having a Facebook cull so if you're here in 10 minutes then congratulations as you've made the cut.

SoyDora · 17/09/2018 06:58

Post what you want, if people don’t like it they can delete/unfollow.
I don’t post much, maybe a picture/check in every couple of months or so. I unfollow anyone who posts anything by Britain First or people who post daily photos of their DC doing ordinary Dac things. Otherwise meh, I just scroll past.

catinboots9 · 17/09/2018 07:02

Cat pictures

JungMum · 17/09/2018 07:07

Whatever you feel like posting, but with the accompanying awareness that people will form an impression of you from what you post.

So if you post a million selfies but insist you're not vain then yeh right.
Or if you post boasting what a great husband you have people will think you have no identify outside of being a wife etc...
If you post on public groups be aware it shows up in your friends' feed too.

So post what you like but it is a reflection of you. Everything you do, say, post, don't say, don't do, don't post is a testimony to who you are. So with that in mind off you go.

LellyMcKelly · 17/09/2018 07:09

They can post whatever they want. You’re not the Facebook police. If you tried to tell me what I could or couldn’t post on my own page I would tell you to piss off.

skippy67 · 17/09/2018 07:11

I post whatever I want to. Works for me!

SpeedbirdFoxtrot · 17/09/2018 07:16

I’d say checking in and ‘vaguebooking’ (love that phrase) are slightly irritating as well. I don’t mind checking in to places, though...especially restaurants because it’s like a verifiable recommendation if they’re enjoying it!

I used to dislike MMM posts, but since somebody shared a blog about what MMM is like (on AIBU) I just sort of feel bad for them now. It made for quite sad reading.

SelinaMyers · 17/09/2018 07:21

I agree with your post OP. I mainly use Instagram but occasionally tag people on posts on FB.
I really don’t understand not posting your good news because it will upset others. It’s all ups and downs. I don’t resent people who have good news because I will have good news when they don’t.

MaisyPops · 17/09/2018 07:30

SelinaMyers
Isn't it just like life though? There's a difference between sharing something good and bragging.

I love seeing good news, holidays, events, people celebrating their ultra marathon, getting their next certificate and slimming world etc. But if it's braggy then it's irritating.

We all have known people offline who brag or are drama llamas. They exist online as well. That sort of thing is as irritating online as offline.

linkylink · 17/09/2018 07:31

So post what you like but it is a reflection of you. Everything you do, say, post, don't say, don't do, don't post is a testimony to who you are. So with that in mind off you go.

This! It was obvious to me that 2 marriages in our friendship group were in trouble just by going off what was getting posted on fb. There were no “he doesn’t know what he’s missing” style ramblings, it was largely just photos & both people who were doing the posting are actually quite private but a picture can say a lot.

WhoWants2Know · 17/09/2018 07:36

Mine has almost completely changed in terms of what I read and post, probably since Brexit.

Lots of buying and selling on Marketplace has pretty much replaced eBay.

Local discussion groups are brilliant for info about what's happening in the village, road and school closures, lost pets and recommendations for local tradespeople.

And then there are humour/special interest groups that are similar in content to Reddit. Terrible Art in Charity Shops and TK Maxx Gallery of Horrors are fun to join in.

I don't check in to places because that's like saying my house is empty. But I will post photos and reviews if it helps promote a local place that I enjoy.

It's different than it used to be, but still fun

linkylink · 17/09/2018 07:37

Nothing wrong with sharing good news/experiences on fb but do it the right way.

checking yourself into a hotel/airport etc not bad per se, particularly if your excited, special occasion, etc. checking yourself into the BA lounge/first class/hotel every single time you go away, who are you trying to impress?

linkylink · 17/09/2018 07:42

And my personal pet hate after a terrorist incident or catastrophic event is the “it could have been me, I was there 5 years ago/ I was 10 miles away”, just no.

NorthernRunner · 17/09/2018 07:42

I only ever go on now to read Run Mummy Run, aside from that I don’t bother using it. I’m not interested in reading what people are up to, if they are my friends and I see them on a regular basis, I already know and talk to them face to face anyway so don’t need fb

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/09/2018 07:42

Whatever I fancy.

What I do
Photos of GC and dog, the cat occasionally.
Photos of beautiful scenery if in holiday.
The odd rant - usually about some twat when I've been out driving.

What I don't do

Check in anywhere
Post photos of my food
Share memes

WeeBeasties · 17/09/2018 07:45

I've always wondered if checking into an airport with a 'off on my hollybobs for 2 weeks' message might effect your home and contents insurance? You're basically advertising to the world that your house is likely empty.

Oysterbabe · 17/09/2018 07:49

Facebook should be a dispassionate account of unremarkable events. Anything else is just attention seeking.

It's a bit cloudy.
I had a different postman than our usual postman today.
I had toast for breakfast, jam not marmalade.

Catsarelife · 17/09/2018 08:22

Whatever they want. If I want to post my food, I'll post it. If I want to rant, I will. If I want to post a selfie of my face, adorned with dog ears or flashing butterflies, I will. Because it's MY Facebook. If anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to look.

Also

not cool because the real subtext is look how many presents we've done aren't we good parents

No. We have a big pile of presents because that's what we've always done, since my own mother was a little girl. We have a small family (4 and a child), everyone else is dead and if we want presents, we'll have them. It has absolutely nothing to do with my parenting. The reason I post them is because our lovely relatives abroad like to see all our photos and because they come up on my Time Hop every year and we love looking at what we were doing 8/9/10 years ago.

It really is a simple concept that some people do things one way and some another. That's why the world is such an interesting place. Stop trying to police people, it just makes you look rather empty.

Ohyesiam · 17/09/2018 08:25

It’s not what you do , it’s the way that you do it. As with most things.

Frazzledmum123 · 17/09/2018 08:45

I totally agree, people are so judgemental. There is no 'right thing' because we all like different things. Before I had kids, I couldn't have cared less about other people's to be honest but since I've had them I genuinely love seeing pictures of children, doing anything. Equally enjoy seeing what people who have no ties yet get up to, nights out etc.Not personally interested in food pics but not a foody person, I have friends who love those, not a runner so not interested in those myself but don't expect my friends to stop and consider what I might want to see. I think the only time I have ever seriously considered unfriending a person was when one posted a picture of her son on sports day with a caption like 'Jimmy coming in first, a country mile ahead of everyone else' with the other children not even blurred or anything. That made me think wow, what a lovely person, a simple 'well done Jimmy, first place' would have done!

Basta · 17/09/2018 08:57

Things that other people might find interesting, informative or amusing.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 17/09/2018 09:00

My last three posts on Facebook:

recommendation of a local restaurant where we had a good meal
Picture of a newt which we found in the garden
Photo of the mess in the room after my daughter had her birthday sleepover.

5bobaweek · 17/09/2018 09:04

Post whatever you like, I won't read it Smile

ShotsFired · 17/09/2018 09:11

My last few posts have been:

A picture I found really funny
A community event I attended with a picture of me there with others
A silly video clip
Some things that I was tagged in by others (so not me posting but appeared on my timeline)
An amusing comment/anecdote
Another funny picture for a relative who lives far away
An internet meme
(I also post often on local community pages about my area or specific activity pages)

As far as I can see, my friends found them variously funny/interesting/worthwhile too. I don't really see anything offensive or dull because my friends tend to post similarly. Don't seem to know any "huns" or MLMers thank god.