Now what...?

[Gracie2906]

Posting here for traffic...

DP asked me to marry him the other night, no ring or formality; I said yes, of course!

But now what...!? Do we go buy a ring together then tell family? Does he pick a ring alone? Do I chose a selection and he chooses from said selection? I know he's very keen to do a proper proposal from what he's said!

At this stage we are keeping it very quiet (just us two know), I'm presuming he's not even asked my Dad yet, but know he would want to so I'm guessing if this hasn't been done yet then it will be on his immediate to do list. I did ask him outright regarding it and he replied with "mind your own business!"

Any heads up of the done thing Would be greatly appreciated x

I did ask him outright regarding it and he replied with "mind your own business!

Nice. To have your own engagement plans/ideas shot down in flames.

Congratulations btw

Every couples different. Personally I wanted my OH to choose my ring on his accord, I didn't want to pick it out - however for others going shopping is a romantic experience.

What do you want ideally? Then hint to him.

The mind your own business was in relation to whether he had asked my father yet or not so I don't feel I was shot down in flames!

Well I love a princess cut, but having never tried one on it's one of those things I may hate on me I suppose!

Firstly congratulations..

There isn't any rules regarding engagement, it doesn't have to be formal, just whatever you as a couple think is the right thing to do.
You can always tell people before you get a ring, you don't have to wait.

He is going to ask your dad

No clue 👀 I presume so because that's the done thing x

Sorry op, asking your dad is not "the done thing". It's fucking archaic and ridiculous.

Just say lets go get a.ring then!

It’s individual. My h didn’t ask my dad.

Have you asked him about his thoughts for the ring?

To be honest it's a bit late to ask you dad.. when you've already said yes (not that you need his approval of course).

I'm not sure why he also wants to ask you properly? Why not just do that in the first place

We went ring shopping together and it was lovely. Announced engagement to close family and friends before we bought ring.

It's not 1880. He doesn't have to ask your dad.

Take him, and go try some rings on!? Enjoy it.

My DH asked my dad, I thought it was really sweet.
We picked my ring together.
Many congratulations x

*Sorry op, asking your dad is not the "done thing" it's fucking archaic and ridiculous
*
Actually - this is a very narrow minded opinion. Whereas it's less of a tradition, in a lot of families it's a sign of utmost respect and is a huge sentimental moment for a father if he's close with his daughter. It's a proud, loving moment between them. And for families with a religious background it absolutely is the done thing. So please save it for the feminism threads.

Why should your Dad be asked? You don't need his permission. You aren't anybody's possession.

Women used to be considered the possessions of their fathers and husbands, but this is not the 1950s.

I'd be annoyed at the "mind your own business" comment. He could have just said that it is you he is asking, not your Dad

I'd consider an expesive engagement ring for the girl (only) to be archaic and rather silly too. Hey ho.

But no killjoy here - huge congrats Gracie, you go and do whatever you want to in order to mark the occasion with him!

Wanting to be treated as a responsible, autonomous person who is capable of making their own decisions is not "feminism." FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Congratulations OP.

DH and I chose my ring together (as he hadn't been planning to propose, it just happened spontaneously). It was a lovely thing to do.

I'm currently wearing the gold bangle that my father gave to my mother ion her birthday as an engagement present, with engraving inside. When their leaves coincided, they went shopping together for a ring. Most people I know went shopping together; I've only heard of being presented with the ring as a US thing - what happens if you hate it or it doesn't look good on your hand? Even Diana chose her own ring.

I never had an actual engagement ring but my ex-DP gave me a ring to match jewellery he had previously given me. I did give thumping great hints too...

I think the 'asking your dad' thing comes across as particularly bad when he won't discuss the engagement details with you. It's a bit strange that this man you are about to marry is already dangling you from a string. If you can't have a grown up conversation about this, it does not bode well for the future.

Are you time travelling from the 50’s, OP? If so, welcome, but try to be prepared to make your own decisions.

I didn't want DH to single handedly choose something I was going to wear everyday. His taste is questionable.

Get it designed and made at a jewellers. We did this using some stones I had from another ring. It was a lovely day going and working through ideas and then we got to go back and pick the exact garnet I wanted after they'd got some in from their 'dealer'!

Much less expensive than I'd expected and means I've got a ring that looks different from anyone else's.

The done thing isn't important. It has to be your thing.

We didn't get an engagement ring. No proposal because we decided to get married together. Didn't ask dad. Married in a dress I already had. No first kiss. No flowers. We are, however, the most unromantic people ever . It fits us. We did spend thousands on a honeymoon because travel is important to us.

My brother however, did the whole shebang. Which he and his wife absolutely loved.