To suggest my teenagers coordinate their social lives so that I can have loud sex with their father.

[Moussemoose]

One is out for Sunday the other is in. One was away for two nights last week the other was away for one night - different nights. One was out on Friday the other was in.

AIBU to suggest they get together and plan their social lives so I can have screaming sex with their father without them running up and down stairs and knocking on the door to ask me where their pants are. In the drawer btw - like they always are! Ffs.

Sign on the bedroom door: "Keep out! Work in Progress".

Start with the loud and noisy activities and you'll find they'll probably leave the house anyway.

We have 4 DC, sometimes the 3 teens happen to be out and then eldest one decides to pop in to see us.

I honestly think we may just never resume our sex life!

Hang a sock in the door handle

vaseline on the door handle that's the best thing I've read all month 😂😂😂

I'm sure there's an evo-psych explanation for this (or "just so story" ). It's all part of a cunning conspiracy by mother nature/selfish genes. Your selfish genes are screaming "more time alone for sex" so you hand out £20 bribes to get the children to go out. Your children's selfish genes are screaming "no, no more siblings - need all the parental resources for MEEEEE..." and spending the £20 bribe down H&M while you're doing the weekly shop at Sainsbury's, then making sure they're home in time to halt production of any surprise competitors.

We've been having virtually silent sex for so long that when we occasionally have the opportunity to have noisy sex we often forget and do it silently anyway
😂 This is so us usually! Once my parents offered to have all the kids and we got so excited and slightly louder than normal. Couldn’t talk for the next 2 days I was so hoarse

l once worked with a mother and son on my shift. One late shift the mother was on leave and she'd told me she was planning a 'session' with her husband as the kids were both working (we were good friends). Her son then asked me (l was the manager) if he could take the second half of the shift off as it was quiet at work. l was sending her frantic texts saying "LOCK THE FRONT DOOR! DAVID'S COMING HOME!"
l couldn't bear the thought of her 23 year old son catching his mum and dad at it on the rug in front of the fire....

Lol just go ahead with the loud sex - doubt you'd see them for dust

This would be brilliant. We too are chaperoned....Please tell if straight approach works, have thought of it but afraid I might sear wee brains forever!

I'd go for honesty without the gory details (though they'll likely work it out for themselves). Just tell them you and DH haven't had a proper evening to yourselves in forever, so could they both make themselves scarce for an evening?

One has returned but the other one is going out soon. Arhhhhhhhnnnnnnn