To suggest my teenagers coordinate their social lives so that I can have loud sex with their father.

[Moussemoose]

One is out for Sunday the other is in. One was away for two nights last week the other was away for one night - different nights. One was out on Friday the other was in.

AIBU to suggest they get together and plan their social lives so I can have screaming sex with their father without them running up and down stairs and knocking on the door to ask me where their pants are. In the drawer btw - like they always are! Ffs.

Slightly unreasonable to tell them the reason... not unreasonable to manipulate them on social event co-ordination. Alternatively, leave them to it and book into a hotel for a night!

Ewww don’t tell them the reason

You could try bribery ie booking cinema tickets on their behalf and telling them to get lost for a few hours....If they hesitate start to drop hints...they will understand eventually.
Cheaper than a hotel.

bribe them to go out for a few hours. Give them £20 and tell them to meet their friends or go to the cinema. You dont need to say why

Love the thread title!!!!!

If you did tell them the reason however, you are almost guaranteed they will be gone all night.

And possibly sign themselves over to the care and protection of SS.

The poor weans.

Just tell them the nights you and DH are planning to have noisy sex and I'm sure you won't see them for dust. They might need counselling though

I’d swap my problems for yours.

I'm leaning towards honesty - that will scare them away and keep them gone.

"It's like this kids, your dad has a talent that I don't get to explore too often....."

SS involvement?

Tbh, I probably would have just said “yeah right!” If you had said that to teenage me! Lol

Love the thread title!!!!!

Me too.

YANBU!! I feel your pain.

Hahaha mine are the same - never out at the same time! Ones off to uni next week though so maybe a bit more scope then

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel gave the advice that I was going to give.

My eldest is back to uni but that just means the younger one never leaves his room until his brother returns.

Actually, I think they do plan their social lives. They do it to make sure we never have sex - or not the loud kind of sex.

Lol - can you get your kids to wear some head phones and listen to loud music :) :)

My ds’s don’t leave the house unless they are going to school.

Headphones are they answer.

SS involvement?

Social Services, not the Secret Police.

Although had my parents ever said or done anything to remotely imply I wasn't dropped off under a gooseberry bush by the Stork... 🔫🔫🔫

I’d swap my problems for yours.

...like clockwork.

Work from home, it's the only way I have been able to maintain a decent sex life. I love it when my DH says, "I'll drop the kids to school. Do NOT get out of bed before I come back!"

Maybe they'll be more amenable to coordinating their diaries when they start bringing partners home .......

Headphones for them.

And vaseline on the outside doorhandle of your door

Ok I'm going to add headphones and Vaseline to the Waitrose shopping list - no one will be suspicious at all.

We've been having virtually silent sex for so long that when we occasionally have the opportunity to have noisy sex we often forget and do it silently anyway.

Love noisy sex with DH when DS is out. We even, #gasp do it with the lights on and door open 🤦‍♀️😂