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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regret this wedding invitation for sat before Christmas

35 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 16/09/2018 08:33

I heard yesterday that I'm going to be invited to a wedding the Saturday before Christmas. Former colleague that I've stayed in touch with.

There's a tradition in my family that we all get together that day, take the kids ice skating, have lunch (with hot chocolate for the kids) then put up the tree in my mother's house and go to the carol service in the town square.

It's one of the highlights of Christmas for me and I would hate to miss it. AIBU to want to regret the invite and spend the day with my family? She's a good friend but not a hugely close one.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 16/09/2018 08:34

It’s a wedding invitation not a summons. Smile

As long as you reply and in decent time there’s nothing rude at all about declining.

FauxFox · 16/09/2018 08:35

If you already have plans then you can’t go to the wedding. Simple.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/09/2018 08:35

Decline the invitation as you already have other plans. We got married the weekend before Christmas (because that was the only time we could go on honeymoon) and completely understood when a few people couldn’t make it.

LoveObject · 16/09/2018 08:35

Of course you’re not. The bride and groom are getting married then because it suits them — I know several couples who chose just before Chrustmas because it was a time when lots of friends came home from abroad to see family at Christmas, so distant friends were more likely to be able to attend — but will recognise it’s not a time that works for everyone.

PurpleDaisies · 16/09/2018 08:36

Lots of people will decline an invitation so close to Christmas. You don’t have to go.

SoyDora · 16/09/2018 08:36

If you don’t want to go, then decline. Send a card instead. Simple!

Sandstormbrewing · 16/09/2018 08:37

As another poster said, when you book a wedding around Christmas time you expect a fair proportion to decline, if you don't then you are an unrealistic bridezilla!

Just decline as you already have plans.

BillywilliamV · 16/09/2018 08:37

No you are not available, just let her know as soon as you get the invitation so she can invite someone else. Also send a card with a gift voucher for £20 or so nearer the day.

Oodilally · 16/09/2018 08:37

Nothing wrong with wanting to keep your family traditions over a wedding invite, I'd respectfully decline the invite and send my best wishes (card and gift) to the bride and groom

Mulberry72 · 16/09/2018 08:38

You’ve already got plans, you can’t go.

It’s an invitation, not a summons.

stellabird · 16/09/2018 08:39

Your Christmas tradition sounds wonderful ! The wedding can easily be declined and I'm sure the couple are expecting many people unable to come. Just send a nice "regret" card and think nothing of it.

MrsMozart · 16/09/2018 08:43

You're already booked out. Can't be in two places at once. A nice card and wee present sent to the happy couple, and you and yours off to hot chocolate and tree decorating.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 16/09/2018 08:44

Thanks. The reason I'm worried is because my cousin got married very close to Christmas a couple of years ago and was really upset that a lot of people declined the invite. I don't want to cause upset but I would really resent missing out on something that's important to me at that time if year.

OP posts:
Chocolateismyvice · 16/09/2018 08:44

Agree with the others. If the couple are having a wedding just before Christmas, they should expect a few guests not to attend due to prior commitments, lack of funds in the leadup, travel, etc.

Just say you have prior commitments which is true. Oh and btw, your plans sound absolutely wonderful!! What a fantastic tradition the children will grow up to remember! Smile

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 16/09/2018 08:49

Can't you do your Christmas thing on the Sunday?

PhoebefromFriends · 16/09/2018 08:51

Frankly booking a wedding that close to Christmas you have to assume that it will inconvenience alot of people, to assume otherwise is just ridiculous. Send your apologies and don't worry about it.

londonrach · 16/09/2018 08:55

Just say no. Youve got other plans. Even if you havent you dont have to go.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/09/2018 08:58

You cannot please all of the people, all of the time OP. I think I'd be tempted to stick with tradition, sounds like this is the route you tend to favour also. If you reply to the invite pronto, I'm sure it will be fine.

hidinginthenightgarden · 16/09/2018 08:58

It's a former colleague - not your sister. Perfectly fine not to attend.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 16/09/2018 08:59

No Democracy. The carol service takes place on the Saturday.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 16/09/2018 08:59

I'm not sure what you mean by regretting it, though. You didn't send it, what have you got to regret?

BuffaloGiraffe · 16/09/2018 09:00

No, I’d send regrets in a card with well wishes and a JL voucher since she is a good friend.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 16/09/2018 09:02

I meant send a ' regret I can't attend ' to the invitations.

OP posts:
Canshopwillshop · 16/09/2018 09:02

I’d definitely stick with the family thing. I’d rather upset a former colleague (who you are not even that close to) than my family.

YellowShoes1 · 16/09/2018 09:04

Perfectly fine not to go if you have plans already (which sound lovely).

Those do sound like daytime events though. If logistics are easy, I wonder whether you could make the evening reception? Could be a really nice pre- christmas party, drop in for an hour or so to wish them well.