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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you handle subtle (or not so subtle) digs?

26 replies

malificent7 · 15/09/2018 21:53

I never know how to respond until it's too late. For example a df has lots of kids and I have 1. I am happy with my choice and she with hers. We were discussing camping and when I suggested a bell tent to another friend my friend piped up with ' no use recommending that...he has 3 kids whereas you only have 1.' I felt this was a bit of a dig as it has nothing to do with putting up a tent unless she meant that it is harder with 3 kids.

I know the mumsnet classic is 'did you mean to be so rude!' I don't think my friend was being rude...she just cannot get her head around that I don't want lots of kids. I just wish i'd said 'what has that got to do with putting up a tent?'
I was just dumbfounded instead!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 15/09/2018 21:55

Not sure how that is a dig. More kids means they may want their own rooms in a tent. It’s not getting at you for having one child. Confused

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/09/2018 22:09

Maybe it's my interpretation. I do feel weird about having 1 tbh.

OP posts:
Lilicat1013 · 15/09/2018 22:12

It wouldn't have seen that as a dig, maybe as it's a topic you feel sensitive about you are more likely to interpret some things as being a dig when they aren't meant that way.

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2018 22:13

It’s not weird to have one child. Why do you feel it is something people would “dig” about?

RedSaidBread · 15/09/2018 22:17

Any other examples of digs? That one I'm not seeing.

Wauden · 15/09/2018 22:22

Maybe they just meant that the tent would be too big? Not sure how its rude, myself.

CSIblonde · 16/09/2018 06:22

That's not a dig it's a comment on practicality. I tend to do "wow, social etiquette is not your thing" as anything else, people can say oh you're over sensitive. Referencing social norms is more effective as people like to think they observe/are good them.

GoatYoga · 16/09/2018 06:56

I have 3 children a bell tent wouldn’t be practical as I want them to have their own space and keep their mess contained. Much less on an issue with one child.

Birdsgottafly · 16/09/2018 07:00

Can't you honestly see how having more children, all in one room, could mean that no-one gets any sleep?

In practical terms, being in charge of three children, as opposed to one, does make a big difference.

I think it could be your issue to deal with, rather than hers.

DarthLipgloss · 16/09/2018 08:07

We have 4 dc from 3 to 8 yrs, they love sleeping in our bell tent but dont expect them too when they are older.

Original poster
malificent7 · 16/09/2018 08:14

I guess I just didn't get the co section with the bell tent and number of kids. She blurted it out almost like a reflex reaction . It was the 'whereas you only have one child' that was odd...and irrelevant.

In any case...digs in general, real or imagined. How to deal with them?

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 16/09/2018 08:14

Connection sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 16/09/2018 08:17

When my partner couldn't make it over till 10 pm same friend called it a ' booty call.' He's my long term partner the who had an evening hobby but because we don't live together ( mutual choice for now) it's a booty call. I've also had comments about not knowing what it's like to own a house....gggrrr!

OP posts:
MissusGeneHunt · 16/09/2018 08:19

It was probably about size of the tent rather than anything else.

Why do you feel weird about only having one DC? Mine's an only, suits us just fine.

General digs: ask what they meant, if you feel it's cryptic, or ignore!!!

PositiveVibez · 16/09/2018 08:23

Maybe it's my interpretation. I do feel weird about having 1 tbh

That's your issue then.

When my partner couldn't make it over till 10 pm same friend called it a ' booty call.

Say 'Yes can't wait to fuck him senseless'.

You sound a bit over-sensitive to throw-away comments tbh.

Hideandgo · 16/09/2018 08:25

Also not seeing the booty call one as a dig.

Though the not owning your own house one could be a dig depending on how it was said.

Are you sure you’re not reading into things too much? Why do you feel friends are out to get you. They can’t be worth keeping if they actually are making digs.

SoyDora · 16/09/2018 08:28

Don’t get the bell tent thing being a dig. Generally a tent that is suitable for 1 child won’t be suitable for 3. Not a dig, just an issue of practicality.

SoyDora · 16/09/2018 08:28

The booty call thing was just a joke, I imagine?

TwitterQueen1 · 16/09/2018 08:31

Judging by what you've written here you're reading 'digs' into comments that are completely harmless so I don't see how anyone can help you...

If you think someone is having a dig just say something like "I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that....." and leave it hanging - let them elaborate and this will give you more time to come up with a response.

Kardashianlove · 16/09/2018 08:41

I guess I just didn't get the co section with the bell tent and number of kids yes, so your friend pointed it out, it doesn’t sound like a dig.

The booty call sounds like a joke.

Wolfiefan · 16/09/2018 08:45

Don’t see any “digs” here at all. You’re being hyper sensitive. Stop seeing harmless comments as people trying to get at you.

Original poster
malificent7 · 16/09/2018 09:36

Yes.. have always been hyper sensitive sadly!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 16/09/2018 09:46

Have you tried anything to counter that? Ways to build resilience and self confidence? You need to stop feeling so judged. I care much less what others think as I get older. Much less. Wink

Catastic · 16/09/2018 09:52

I get what you mean OP.

I find silence, a very somber face and raised eyebrows works well in these situations. Resist the urge to say anything to fill the silence.

user1471517900 · 16/09/2018 09:58

The booty call is being mischievous. Basically saying "lucky you, getting some late evening action". Not a dig in the slightest.

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