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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to DP?

31 replies

Beautifulblue · 15/09/2018 17:15

DP has taken our 14 month old out today, with his friends (dad & there kids. It's a rare occurrence. I hurt my back this morning with DD at the park (injured a while ago prone to setting it off sometimes) it's not horrendous but it is annoying & uncomfortable. So I've been on the sofa taking ibuprofen, catching up on some TV & chilling out. FOR ONCE. But before that I did tidy around. Dp just called & said his mate is coming back to have some food with his kid. This is the AIBU... I didn't say no, I can't say no his an adult. But I did say ahhh ok. He sensed my lack of excitement (I'm in my pjs here really didn't anticipate house guest especially when I've just tidied up) he just said 'yeah yeah don't worry, I'll just tell him to fuck off' & hung up... I messaged him saying I didn't say no & he can come for dinner I just wasn't expecting it. He didn't reply, tried to call back & he didn't reply. I know this is gonna turn into a row when his home now & honestly I can't be arsed. AIBU?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 17:16

A bit yes. He can bring who he wants back to his house.

crazycatlady5 · 15/09/2018 17:18

@BitOutOfPractice yes but OP didn’t even say no?

I also just think it’s curteous if your partner isn’t feeling great/has a bad back to think perhaps they won’t want to have someone over for dinner! It’s not a matter of not being allowed to, it’s just thoughtful to assume perhaps she might not be up for it.

user1510568216 · 15/09/2018 17:19

Can see 100% where your coming from but can also see it from DH point of view. It was probably just an off the cuff invite. He wouldn't for a second thought about you being in pj's etc. Shove a jogging suit on & continue to chill out.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 17:19

He was being courteous, giving her due warning. She quite clearly made her displeasure known.

CrabbyPatty · 15/09/2018 17:20

Disagree @BitOutOfPractice yes he can but a bit unreasonable of him not to be understanding of his partner's needs.

Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2018 17:21

You maybe should have said, yeah, that's great but he would have to sort out their meal because you were in PJs so would go to lie down upstairs.
He can't expect to spring something on you and get an enthusiastic response, especially when he knew you aren't feeling good.
His response was childish.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 15/09/2018 17:21

Unless he was expecting you to rustle up a meal then Yabu. He gave you a heads up they were coming so you could get out your jammies or disappear to your room. It’s his house too and after a good day with the dc everyone piling to someone’s house for dinner is the sort of thing we do with friends stopping for supermarket pizza on the way.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 17:22

Christ I am allowed to say op is bring unreasonable you know without being @-ed every 2 minutes.

And why do her “needs” trump his? Surely she could just go upstairs and chill?

ShawshanksRedemption · 15/09/2018 17:22

I don't see what the problem is with his mate coming back? You can move as you've been tidying up, so maybe not unreasonable to expect you are dressed. If you were immobile then I'd understand it. And I'd expect DP to be cooking or getting take-out for everyone too!

Courtney555 · 15/09/2018 17:24

This will sound blunter than intended, but..
You've had the day chilling on the sofa with a back pain that you say is nothing more than uncomfortable.
The house is nice and tidy.
Dp wants to have soon food with his mate in his own home, whilst bringing along the playmate of DC.

I don't see the issue..

If the house was a state and you were too sore to even move, then it would be quite thoughtless, but he's had nice day out on his own with DS, something you say is rare anyway and is wanting to continue this with a bite to eat at home.

Yabu.

crazycatlady5 · 15/09/2018 17:24

Calm down @BitOutOfPractice the whole point of AIBU is to have a discussion about the original post 😂 her needs don’t trump his, but him having a mate over for dinner isn’t a need at all.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 15/09/2018 17:25

Surely going upstairs would be rude? Plus my DD who I haven't seen for a few hours is gonna be home... I do appreciate it's his home to, which is why I didn't say no, I can't... but I just can't be bothered for it in all honesty. I do understand why his pissed off, or at least I would if I said no out right. Just because I wasn't over joyed about it doesn't mean it can't happen, just think he over reacted. He'll either get my messages & turn up with friends, or choose to ignore the message & come back ready to row 😖

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 17:27

It’s quite annoying to now get 3 emails saying I’ve been @-ed on a thread that really doesn’t warrant it.

And lying on the sofa isn’t a need either, when there are alternatives like bed.

Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2018 17:27

Surely going upstairs would be rude?

Of course it's not rude!
If you don't feel ok and weren't expecting to have to entertain people, then THEY would be rude to expect you to grin and bear it.

MrsStrowman · 15/09/2018 17:28

YABU you've had all day to rest and by your own admission your back is just a bit uncomfortable, you just can't be bothered with guests. All you had to say was, yes that's fine but we've got nothing in for extra people so can get a takeaway

Catfacecats · 15/09/2018 17:29

If your back if sore then it definitely not rude! Say hello and excuse yourself. DD can easy come up and see you.
I wouldn’t give it a second thought if I went to a friends and she said her partner was upstairs with a sore back.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/09/2018 17:29

Look op I think you know you were a bit U. He was also U to react like that. It’s really not worth the hassle of a row.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 15/09/2018 17:29

I wish I had been less obvious about how I felt about it now tbh. Agree should of just suggested a take away, would of been easier. But I still stand by the fact I didn't actually say no!

OP posts:
fc301 · 15/09/2018 17:30

OP I can't believe the responses on here!
All you said was "aah ok"
His "fuck off" response was a massive overreaction.
Is he always an angry man?

Butterymuffin · 15/09/2018 17:31

Would it be expected that you sort out dinner for them, or would your DP be doing it? If the former, YANBU - if the latter I'd be a bit put out at having to shift out of my PJs but I'd go with it.

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 15/09/2018 17:34

@Butterymuffin no I wouldnt, would imagine they'd grab something easy like pizza on the way home. I am feeling a bit bad now, but honestly if DP had sensed I wasn't overly keen on the idea but just said ok, it won't be for ages or something it would of ended ok. I feel bad his had to say to his friend 'you can't come back' when they'd probably been discussing it so now I look like a bitch!

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2018 18:50

Beautifulblue
Stop beating yourself up! He was more unreasonable than you were. First, he sprung it on you, then he swore at you and hung up like a astrology teenager.
You dont have to feel thrilled about something just to please him!
He tried to make you feel guilty ...and succeeded!

Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2018 18:50

A atrophy teenager !!!

Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2018 18:51

Bloody hell!!!!!
A STROPPY teenager!

Original poster
Beautifulblue · 15/09/2018 19:56

Astrology teenager made me giggle @gottagetmoving 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: