To ask for more money?

[washat30]

I divorced my XH 5 years ago, DCs were 2 and 1 at the time and we'd been together 10 years. He moved away to be with OW, has them every other weekend and about 40% of the holidays.
The amount of child maintenance he pays me, which was slightly over the amount suggested by CMS, has remained the same since.
I didn't get a settlement as the property we owned had no equity in it. I didn't take any money from his business - I was naive and didn't know I'd be owed some.
He has now re-married and has purchased 2 properties in the interim and the business is very successful. I am slowly building my career back up and do well for myself but obviously as a single mum it's been a difficult and slow process. I still rent and have been saving to buy, though now have a DP who I will be moving in with next month (he owns his house outright).
WIBU to ask XH for more money, commensurate with his higher earnings? I have no idea what he earns now but imagine it's a lot more than when we split. I have a good relationship with him and am worried about upsetting that, but at the same time would like the security of more income and would still like to purchase a property as investment and security for my DCs, even though I will be living with DP. I also feel strongly that DP should not have to financially support another man's DCs as well as his own and a bit more money in to our joint family pot would help that.

Well it's up to you but it sounds as though you may well be entitled to one , don't forget your pension contributions will have been limited too. you really need legal advice - knowledge is power. Good luck

How much are you currently receiving and how much do you think it should be?

I'm all for you EXDH to pay more in accordance to his salaries but I really resent the term single parent when the children are looked after my the other parent some of the time (and pays for them). That is not a single parent, that is co-parenting

FWIW I have 2 DCs and work, as does my OH. If we split up, I wouldn't expect him to pay so I would have enough not to work

It sounds like you current receive the correct CMS amount so leave that issue aside.
The second issue is spousal maintenance. Check if you had a court sealed consent order on divorec finances. That is your priority.If yuo did not and he and you did not receive a "clean break" and never settled the finances at the time (check all this out) then you can go back now for a capital division based on yours and his assets and secondly possibly spousal maintenance for you but less likely.

You're getting a hard time of it on here, I don't really get why. So he is giving more than CMS calculator says he has to- but he is also earning way, way more than what he's officially declaring, isn't he? So the CMS amount isn't really a fair amount at all.
I'd say something along the lines of "I was wondering if we could have a chat about maintenance amounts? Seeing as we've not reviewed it in five years, and things are getting so expensive...'

@Xenia we didn't have a clean break at the time so I would be entitled to go back for a capital division.

@Pidlan thank-you, I'm not sure either! I would have thought it was OK to ask for more than 5% of exH's income to help pay for his DCs . CMS is capped and he earns over the threshold for them to enforce, so if he didn't agree informally I'd have to go through the courts and apply. I've held off doing this before now as we have such a nice relationship but I'm starting to think we have such a nice relationship because I'm getting a little stiffed...

You need to go through the CMS. Although saying that, whether or not he's giving you a fair amount depends on how much he gives you IMO, I don't agree with the way the CMS works out the right amount based on earnings. I think it should be based on how Michael it actually costs to raise a child.

In theory, you could be getting quite a lot of money, even if it is only a small percentage of earnings. On the other side, RPs often don't get anywhere near the reality of 50% of costs despite being paid the 'right' amount according to CMS. So it's hard to say without knowing what figure you're already given.

If you feel you need more money, could you just ask him to directly pay for 50% of the larger expenses, rather than just asking for more money into your family pot? My ex gives me a basic amount each month, but then on months where there have been school trips, or we've needed to buy a whole load of new uniform or pay for a club or something, I'd text him a picture of the receipt/letter, and he would give me half. It always seemed the fairest way to do it.

@cookiesandchocolate I don't expect not to work at all.

IMO I am a single parent. XH does no school runs, doctors appointments, has never taken the kids on holiday, doesn't come to parent's evenings, doesn't know the names of their best friends, wouldn't know their shoe sizes if asked. He is a great dad when he's with them but is very much 'fun dad' - takes them swimming and to pizza express and that's it. He hasn't lived with them since they were babies, and has them two days out of 14. Discipline, all child-related admin, all clothing and essentials... basically the day-to-day of child-related stuff is all down to me.

@NailsNeedDoing he earns more than the CMS cap so I'd have to apply through the courts for a top-up.
I'm going to start by compiling a list of how much it costs to raise kids (I think he'll be surprised!!) and get some legal advice, and present this to him in an informal way.

There are some Odd responses on this thread. 😕

OP, I think you can ask but maybe it would be best to seek proper legal advice first then decide what to do even if you want to do things informally.

Are there any direct expenses related to the kids that you could ask him to pay such as tutoring, childcare, hobbies or clothing. Might that be a way of upping his contribution in a way that he is more likely to agree to easily.

BTW. Have you chatted to him about university or savings for the kids. Might he be putting money away for them for later on?

Was it his choice for you to have the kids most of the time? Is there a possibility that if you push for more cash he might decide that he would like the kids 50/50?

Am I in a parallel universe?

Wtf is wrong with you people?

She never once said anything about spousal maintenance or the new wife's non existent kids.

If he's earning more then there is absolutely no harm in asking for more for your kids. If they have a wealthy father they should have the full benefit of it. He'll probably be happy to!

No idea why you're the villain here op. Good luck!

Did you not claim on the business because a) he hid the earnings, or b) your solicitor knew but didn't advise you to?
Either of those situations means you need legal advice; a is illegal and the financial case can be reopened, while b you could make a claim against the solicitor.

You don't get to have more money because a business that didn't have money then has money now. You can discuss child maintenance, but it doesn't sound right that you imply you'd be solely living on that money as it's for costs associated with the children (some of which will be increased bills but mostly it'll be clothes, food, books, school trips, clubs etc). You say the right words about spousal support, but talking about buying a house is way beyond child maintenance, I doubt you're putting it in the kids' names and planning to move out when they reach 18.

Having the kids once a fortnight or whatever is def not coparenting. Sad if he doesnt want to see more of them. He is definitely getting off lightly hence the amicable arrangement no doubt about it. My husband has paid his ex cma (previously cms) payments for 14 years, they review his salary every April on my birthday 😂 and increase it in line with his increase in salary. He sees his children half the week. Your ex has been very unfair imo and not a good dad, can't have a proper relationship with your kids when you see them so infrequently surely. You are right to feel you're getting short straw and right to pursue it, be prepared for the relationship to become non-amicable though. Best of luck

As I said above, as you have an amicable relationship with him. Talk to him first, if you go in armed with facts and figures and legal advice it may piss him off to start with . If he was already paying over and above what he needed to, back when it was agreed, there’s nothing in the OPs post that makes me think he’s unreasonable. Treat him as unreasonable and he may just dig his heels in and go for what he legally has to do.

So is he giving you 5% of the 15k he earns on paper or 5% of the 150k you suspect he earns?

If CMS or courts calculate it won't they just go off his earnings on paper and tax paid?

If it's 5% of the 150k then that's a good amount to cover child rearing costs isn't it?

If it's 5% of the 150k then that's a good amount to cover child rearing costs isn't it?

I strongly suspect the Op is putting a lot more than 5% of her income in to support the children.

@Mumoftwoyoungkids

We don't know that though do we? No idea whether he's giving her £750.00 a year or £7500.00. She hasn't said. With her child benefit that would be 750 a month. My kids don't cost that much so in that situation I could put 0% of my income towards them

We don't know that though do we? No idea whether he's giving her £750.00 a year or £7500.00. She hasn't said. With her child benefit that would be 750 a month. My kids don't cost that much so in that situation I could put 0% of my income towards them

Three day a week childcare for one pre schooler and one in primary school cost us nearly £700 a month. And that’s before I even think about housing, feeding or clothing them.

They are both in primary school now so no more childcare costs as we are able to work around them. We don’t seem to be any richer though - dd has inconsiderately decided to discover that she is rather talented at a sport. Suspect she did it on purpose just to ruin my “holidays in the bahamas now we don’t have to pay for nursery” plan.

Of course you can raise children on much less than this - we are both decent earners and we choose to prioritise the kids. But the kids in discussion have a parent earning in the top 1%. 5% of income is not really prioritising them.

Yeah, I know childcare can be extortionate but the OPs kids are both school age. And her reason for wanting more wasn't that she was struggling to support the kids. It was to be able to run two homes. One as an investment and one with her DP. Said she wanted more in the joint family pot.

And the OP also only said she "suspects" he earns that much. He's built his business up since they divorced. It's hard not to resent someone doing well when a bit of you feels it should've been yours probably.

All that said I don't think she is unreasonable to ask for more money. It can't hurt! He can only say no and then OP can choose her next steps from there

Townhall "might decide that he would like the kids 50/50". Course he would! He 'urged' OP to be a SAHM. Even paying over the CM calculator I can guarantee he will not and never have been paying the cost of childcare for and bringing up two DC 24/7 for his half of the week. No wonder he's so amicable.

As there was no clean break order they both might get half of net current assets which they each own.