AIBU to feel hurt finding out days after birth?

[Livelaughlovetoday]

One of my best friends from college had a baby recently and I only found out 3 days later. I feel hurt. She is not active on social media and generally really private. She lives overseas now and yes we are not in contact daily but I would have hoped to have had the happy news of baby’s arrival when it happened.

One of my best friends from college had a baby recently and I only found out 3 days later. I feel hurt. She is not active on social media and generally really private. She lives overseas now and yes we are not in contact daily but I would have hoped to have had the happy news of baby’s arrival when it happened

Nice try!

Dd1 was pre social media days thank god, only people I told was immediate family and my closest friends, was a couple of weeks before I told friends and anyone who hadn't heard. By time I had my son 6 years ago social media had taken over but still the same immediate family and close family got a text of phone call that day or day after, week or 2 to get round to informing other people and I eventually updated Facebook and Instagram when he was about 3 weeks old - I wasn't being unreasonable I was spending time with my family and enjoying being a mum.

It took me three days to string a sentence together after giving birth to my first baby. My priority was definitely not making sure I informed everybody in my address book.

@Livelaughlovetoday

YABVVVVVU. This is not about YOU!

This puts me in mind of a woman my DH worked with (who was someone he knew from school) when we had our first born in the late 90's. She was about the 5th or 6th to know after our parents and siblings, and bosses, and she said she was very disappointed to have been made to wait til almost THREE DAYS after we had her before she was informed.

Silly entitled woman! Really fucked me off. I thought 'who the fuck does she think she is?' I had just been through a VERY difficult time/stressful labour/difficult birth, and all she was banging on about was 'why was I not told first?'

No asking if I was OK, or if the baby was OK, (or even if my husband was OK!) All she banged on about was the fact that SHE was not the first to know about the baby. Silly cow.

SO, to the OP, stop being so self-absorbed and entitled. The birth of this baby is NOT about you.

Needless to say, we gave her a pretty wide berth after that, and when we moved house, (and DH moved jobs) we cut her loose.

Be careful OP. Your friend might do the same to you!

YOU would love for her to need you but you haven't crossed her mind because she's focused on her baby right now. Not everyone will be save as you- some people will have harder births/ harder first days/ no support/ diggerent perceptions etc. Ffs if you'd said 3 months I could be sympathetic but her first birth isn't about you! Be a real friend fgs

When I had my first baby it took ME about a week to realise what was happening. Don't take it personally. It's a pretty intense time. As you no doubt know.

I would love to be able to be the friend that is able to be there for her and help you. I

Apparantly what she needed from you was some privacy.

I had a baby a few months ago and didn’t know which way was up or down for the first week or so. Barely registered if it was night or day.

I had family members pestering me for photos of me with the baby when I hardly had time to go to the loo and mostly felt and looked like shit. Communicating with people and taking and sending photos was not high on my priorities.

I wasn’t deliberately excluding people and wasn’t depressed. I just decided to put myself and my baby first whilst dealing with extreme exhaustion and adjusting to the massive change that had turned my world topsy turvy.

Please, please do give her a break. The last thing she needs right now is to feel pressure to communicate outside of her baby bubble. Be happy for her and let her take all the time she needs.

What the actual fuckity fuck?!?! Seriously...

I was still in hospital on day 3, out of it on drugs and sleep deprivation, worried about my poor baby who had a difficult birth, oh and I had no phone signal! Birth announcements were not number one on my to-do-list! I’d be hurt and gobsmacked if anyone took offence to that tbh!

How do you propose to help her from overseas?

If you were that bothered surely you would have checked her due date and booked a flight to visit her when she was ready to receive visitors?

3 days isn't that long especially as she is abroad.
I understand the hurt though my best friend went silent on me for 3 weeks before phoning me with the news, whilst she was in the pub with another friend 3 weeks later, having left baby at home. That stung a bit and was the reason behind our thirty year friendship breaking down.

I couldn't fucking spell my own name for the first 5 days.
It took me until day 5 to go through every message and send a reply.

@livelaughlovetoday

You are being pathetic and self absorbed. As many posters have said on here, your friend has had WAY more things to think about after such a traumatic and difficult time as labour and childbirth. Don't be so mean!

@MeloCocoBanan

I understand the hurt though - my best friend went silent on me for 3 weeks before phoning me with the news, whilst she was in the pub with another friend 3 weeks later, having left baby at home. That stung a bit and was the reason behind our thirty year friendship breaking down.

So you let a thirty year friendship break down, because your friend had a baby, then told you about the birth immediately after it, then didn't contact you for A WHOLE THREE WEEKS? Then she had the audacity to go out for a well deserved night out with another friend ?

Jesus wept, how petty and childish. It sounds like she is better off without you in her life anyway!

And did you actually contact her at any point in those three weeks, or are you someone that thinks the world should revolve round you?

butterfly it doesn't sound like MeloCoco's friend immediately told her after the birth? Where did you get that from?

My then best friend had me around so her and her dh could ask me about c section experience as she was goingbon for an elective. She and her dh said they would let me know straight away they offered. All I said was yes would be useful.as I had a small surprise lined up and just waiting to confirm blue or pink.

By then never got in touch. I left it several days before attemptingvto get in touch as u know what those early days are like. She never responded until she was sat down the pub with another friend. I was actually very concerned for her. I was worried sick something had gone horribly wrong.

For whatever reason she has never explained I was the last to know when the baby was born, theses, weight and name.

I was offended as it was so out of character but before feelingboffended I was concerned but seemingly the birth was a dream and she was home very quickly and back out socialising within the week.