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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed/upset about this

54 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2018 13:43

Hear me out I’ve had a long week... so may be making a mountain out of a molehill

I am vegan have been for quite some time. Everyone knows and I’m not preachy about it and try not to be awkward about it, won’t rifle through packaging checking for errant milk powder if my friends have cooked something and even in places with no vegan food will go and order a side salad or something to be sociable.
I’m away all weekend for a friends 30th in a big hired house so self catering.
When it was being arranged people were talking about catering and what people wanted to eat I said straight away I’ll bring my own food as I didn’t want anyone to feel put out by me. Told not to worry/everything could be adapted.
Just arrived here and informed we are going out for dinner and due to the group size we’ve preordered, which I wasn’t informed about. And someone has ordered me a hallumi starter and a cheese-based main. When I politely mentioned I hadn’t been told I got really dismissively shut down by my friends older sister who said that it wasn’t their fault I was a faddy eater and everyone else is just having a set menu and I’ve already been awkward needing something different.

So as not to drop feed I did have a long term ED through my teens and a totally unprepared for REALLY high cal meal of stuff I can’t eat anyway has put me in a real spin.

I’ve had a really rough week but I just want to say fuck this and go home now Sad
Aibu to be a bit upset.

OP posts:
Mimsy123 · 14/09/2018 14:23

Is this woman a bit, well, thick?

TruffleShuffles · 14/09/2018 14:24

Regardless of whether you are a vegan, meat eater or have any allergies it’s extremely rude that they would just preorder for you without even asking anyway. Presumably you are paying for your meals? I would be extremely pissed off if I had to pay for a meal that I didn’t even choose and may not even like. The fact that they knew you were a vegan is even worse and means they definitely should have checked with you before ordering.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 14/09/2018 14:25

YANBU at all.

sexnotgender · 14/09/2018 14:26

Anyone preordering with no consultation is a dick.
I’m not super fussy but don’t eat lamb or fish.
If someone plonked either of them down in front of me and expected me to eat and pay for them I’d be pissed off.

Izzygrey · 14/09/2018 14:27

I'd be seething if anyone ordered for me - I'm not veggie / vegan / anything-free and it would still piss me off

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2018 14:29

We are paying for this meal which we have been told about today. The others seem to know and thensister arranged it so I suspect she is just keeping it from me. Which is weird

OP posts:
viques · 14/09/2018 14:30

I can think of nothing worse than someone else preordering your food at a restaurant. It's one thing if you go to someone's house, you try to eat what they have made, but to eat something another person has chosen from a menu makes my hackles rise in a quite surprisingly aggressive way. Don't know why, but it does.

Call the restaurants OP and say the ordering bitch made a mistake.

applesin · 14/09/2018 14:30

I'd be really upset OP, YANBU - what's more is if you've not eaten dairy for some time it would likely make you feel ill.

DarlingNikita · 14/09/2018 14:33

We are paying for this meal which we have been told about today.

Again, have you called/are you calling the restaurant?

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2018 14:36

Yes darling... I don’t expect them to do my bidding for me...
it will be a chips and a side salad thing by the sounds of things.

OP posts:
kerryleigh · 14/09/2018 14:41

I eat almost anything, there are few things that I'm not mad about, but if I'm hungry I'd give them a go, no problem....even so, I would be majorly pissed off if someone ordered for me. She's rude... and thick on top of it if she doesn't know the difference between vegetarian and vegan

SeriousAlligator · 14/09/2018 14:42

I'm a vegan. Tonight I am going to a dinner party-they're doing a roast and I have already said I'll bring my own 'main bit' and just have the veggies so they're not put out at all-you sound similar. I don't preach about it or even talk about it unless it comes up in an obvious conversation about it and/or someone asks something I have knowledge of in relation to it. They sound incredibly rude.

Having said that an old woman who just didn't 'get it' once made me tuna canapes, and cheese ones when I went round for a drink with family who she knew well. I thanked her profusely, and my Mum ate them and I just ate crisps and nuts. She had made a genuine, generation based mistake, fine and she apologised and was embarrassed by it which made me feel quite bad! This seems to be different to that though.

Iloveacurry · 14/09/2018 14:46

Well don’t pay the full price for the set meal if you’re only eating chips and salad. And yes your friends sister is a bitch.

DarlingNikita · 14/09/2018 14:47

Good, OP.

Well don’t pay the full price for the set meal if you’re only eating chips and salad. I agree with this. And don't let that bitch be nasty to you again. Fix her with a freezing stare if she says anything, and ask her frostily to repeat herself.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/09/2018 14:52

Will you answer the question that has now been asked a couple of times-are you going to call the restaurant?
It's not hard to do or rude, simply call & rearrange your meals-if you don't it will make for a really shit evening for you, why suffer because she's a twat?

PlatypusPie · 14/09/2018 14:52

Do you think it could be that vegan has just got mistranslated to vegetarian ? Some people call themselves vegetarians except they eat fish (pescatarian, I know) so maybe who ever did the ordering thought that vegan was some fuzzily stricter form of vegetarian. And default vegetarian in many cases is ' give 'em cheese' ) So maybe woefully ill informed but not necessarily malicious, as many on here seem to think.

(My DD can't have dairy medically, so often goes for the vegan option as it is a useful shorthand, even though she does eat meat and fish, as there is, hopefully, no butter slipped in the cooking. I don't have dairy because it triggers eczema, so am also aware of the increasing availability of non dairy options in restaurants.)

daffodillament · 14/09/2018 15:00

Totally inconsiderate ! Hope you enjoy your salad and chips ! ..Make sure you have a massive glass of vino and let the rudeness of the awful woman wash over you ! Grin Ps. Make sure they don't hassle you in to chipping in megabucks for the main bill !

NervousPotato · 14/09/2018 15:00

@NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Oh my god she has answered this, read the thread!!

eddielizzard · 14/09/2018 15:03

People can be so fucking awful.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2018 15:10

Haha I’ve said flat out I’m not paying £17 for a green salad and chips!

OP posts:
TruffleShuffles · 14/09/2018 15:14

You’ve rang up OP and they can only offer you a side salad and chips? Most restaurants nowadays have at least one starter and main vegan option is there nothing else you can have?

Sparklesocks · 14/09/2018 15:20

Absolutely bizarre, when organising a large group meal the first thing you do is find out dietary requirements! Aside from veggies/vegans people might have severe allergies, you can't just plonk down a meal in front of someone.

DarlingNikita · 14/09/2018 15:24

PlatypusPie, I don't disagree with anything you say, but the real point is that this woman dismissed and shut down the OP and told her she was 'a faddy eater' and 'awkward'. Which is what most people on here are annoyed about.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/09/2018 15:58

Truffle the only veggie options were lumps of cheese and even the soup was made with chicken stock and milk

OP posts:
DanglyBangly · 14/09/2018 16:02

Did the other people get to choose or did she preorder for everyone?