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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you ask a dc if they were OK?

80 replies

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 14/09/2018 11:30

My dd nearly 12 was walking back from a friend's the other day and a hornet had landed on her hand and stung her. Sting was still in, little bit of blood but she was very upset.
We live in a busy but small touristy place, friendly locals.

Nobody asked her if she was OK.

Not really surprised, just wondering if you would approach a dc or just look away?
Back in the day (1970's)I fell off a wall I had been walking along, alone and about 7, cut my fanjo enough it was bleeding badly, and a man walked me home!! Def sure that wouldn't happen today!!
At the park /zoo places I have assisted a lost dc but never in public tbh.

OP posts:

notacooldad · 14/09/2018 13:25

I've asked.
I work near 3 High schools and often I'm out and about so over the years I've seen a few kids upset.
I usually keep it light and say ' Hey, you look like your having a bad day are you ok' usually they say they are fine but a couple of occasions a child has admitted they aren't and ice asked if there is anyone I can call for them.

SirVixofVixHall · 14/09/2018 13:25

Yes I would ask a distressed child if they were alright.
Re the sting, hornets don’t leave a sting in place, nor do wasps, only bees. Worth knowing the difference in case of allergic reactions .

Vegeetas · 14/09/2018 13:25

Funny story....

I was taking a delivery at work, across the road from my shop are council flats. The road next to my shop has problems with speeding cars in general, its not particularly wide either.

My dad sense kicked in farily rapidly as I realised there was a 2 year old little girl in the middle of the road, no sign of the parents and no siblings about and a car was hairing down the road towards the child. I made the judgement call and ran into the road and scooped the girl up as the car skidded to an emergency stop. The driver jumped out and realised what had happened and thanked me profusely (whilst close to tears) as he hadn't seen the girl and wouldn't have been able to stop in time.

The very next thing I know the childs mother came storming out of her flat and screamed at me for touching her daughter and called me a "filfee peeedo c**t tryin to maddie my baby girl innit". Thankfully before my adrenaline anger kicked in, the driver piped up and told her she should be thanking me and to stop being such a fruitloop (I have paraphrased VERY heavily as this would be exceedingly sweary otherwise).

Negligent parent scumbags who then scream at you for saving their child really do contribute to people not rushing to help. I would save the child again in a heartbeat and I would hope anyone would do the same for my own girls but you never know.

I reported her to child services and nothing happned :(

kaytee87 · 14/09/2018 13:26

I would but I can see why others wouldn't.

When I was little I was always told if I got lost or needed help to 'ask a policeman or a mum with children' - probably not the most pc sentence now

Cath2907 · 14/09/2018 13:27

Absolutely. I used to "rescue" small howling kids in soft play and return them to their parents. I've helped a lost kid find parents in the supermarket before and have asked crying people of all ages if they are ok. I hope she is feeling better.

Liskee · 14/09/2018 13:34

To the people saying the parents aren't particularly grateful when you return their lost children, I think its more shock or bemusement as they most likely haven't even realised the child is missing yet. Trust me, if you're the parent of a lost child, you're not standing still waiting for them to be returned to you...so if you bring their child back and they aren't running about like a headless chicken, the lost child hasn't been noted as lost yet.

I agree with @Batteriesallgone, if a small child is visibly distressed or hurt then I'd check on them, but an older child or adult who doesn't look physically hurt I'd leave them to it. Obvious physical injury of any sort, to anyone of any age (including someone falling) and I'd offer a hand or to help.

tillytrotter1 · 14/09/2018 13:41

Dh would too, though he always says that after the event he worries

That's the sad problem though, isn't it? Thirty or more years ago a small child came to us in tears, we had a girl of a similar age, she said she couldn't find her Mummy. It was a crowded market, OH lifted her onto his shoulders and after a couple of minutes a relieved, tearful mother came up to us, she was also very grateful. I'm not sure the same situation would have the same outcome now.

Family121 · 14/09/2018 13:59

yes i would, i think nearly everyone in my town would x

FedUPFTMum · 14/09/2018 14:04

look I've seen fully grown women on the tube crying and I've asked if they were ok, wanted tissue? water? a hug? Thats what humanity is so I would definitely ask a child if they were ok?

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 14/09/2018 14:04

Of course!

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 14/09/2018 14:05

I once found a girl (aged about 5) crying and clearly lost at Butlins. Another woman and I took her to find the Redcoats at their info desk. It would be weird to just leave her alone.

peachgreen · 14/09/2018 14:16

I would (and have). If I was a man, probably not. I think DH would though.

InsomniacAnonymous · 14/09/2018 14:29

FedUPFTMum, anyone offering assistance to a fully grown woman (or man) wouldn't have fears about being seen as a possible paedophile would they? It's that which makes a lot of people hesitate to help a child.

Also, many children have been taught to fear strangers speaking to them and as a PP said may well react very fearfully if you did approach them. It's quite a dilemma and every situation is different so I don't think everyone would do the same thing every time. A child in immediate danger, such as a toddler wandering in the road and no parent visible is different to the 12 yr old described in the OP. One can only make a judgement as and when it happens and hope it's the right one.

sickmumma · 14/09/2018 14:53

I am not sure in that situation I would have realised your daughter needed help unless she was visibly in tears and upset.

I have helped children before as well as adults and even teenagers it it depends on the situation though and I guess there may well have been people I have missed. I would rather look like an idiot to people whom I probably will never see again then not help that one person.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 14/09/2018 15:10

I would if she had been in floods of tears or something, I wouldn't if she just looked a bit sad.

I know my DH wouldn't unless I, or his DC were with him.

Crackedvase · 14/09/2018 15:14

I would always enquire to a child who is alone/hurt. My friends daughter walked out of her school, and kept walking 12 miles, across a dual carriageway right into another town and onto a main roundabout entering a motorway. She was 12, and not one person stopped her.
Yes the school noticed and search teams went out. But 12 fucking miles. So upsetting

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/09/2018 15:34

The thing about this is, even if you can't actually do anything to help a distressed person (of any age really), sometimes just showing concern is a boost to that person.

I've been on the receiving end of other people's kindness, and it's always made me feel better that someone cared, even if that someone was a stranger. Once my bike skidded on ice and went sideways, I came off and crashed onto the pavement. A secondary school boy came rushing over to ask if I was OK.

A lady stopped at the shopping centre to ask if I was OK. I obviously wasn't but insisted I would manage (ds, 2yo, autism) - but it made a huge difference to me that she bothered. Others have offered help when I've been seen to be struggling. Bless them all.

So it is worth doing in my opinion.

starcrossedseahorse · 14/09/2018 15:39

'Fanjo'? FFS.

Eliza9917 · 14/09/2018 15:48

I would.

Last year or the year before I was parking my car and two teenage boys came up and asked if I could take them to the hospital. As I walked away from the car I looked at them and one had blood on his face like he'd been in a fight. They said he'd fallen off a wall near the train station but they'd walked about 10mins along a high street/sea front and lots of shops/people to get on my road which I thought was odd. So I said no.

As I got to my house dp was in the front garden getting rid of our old washing machine so I called them back, told him what they told me so we drove them to the hospital. He had me come too in case they said anything about him.

When we got to the hospital I took them in and up to the desk, told the receptionist what happened and passed them over to her. She told them how long the wait was and asked if she could call someone and they declined and walked off.

All very odd. I don't know whether they wanted to try to attack someone or what. But I'd definitely, and have done, help a small child.

Creeper8 · 14/09/2018 15:59

I wouldnt stop for an adult crying. Its a well known scam around here!

Returnofthesmileybar · 14/09/2018 16:19

I definitely would. I'm very saddened that some wouldn't to be honest.

I approached a very upset toddler about two years ago, long story that ended in a mn thread and the police. I see her from time to time and I remember how tightly she hugged me, still makes me sad, poor thing, there is no way I could not ask a child, or adult for that matter if they were ok

anitagreen · 14/09/2018 16:54

Yes a boy about 9 flew over the bars of his scooter and smashed his face in a little well chin, and I gave him a baby wipe and a cuddle

sparklepops123 · 14/09/2018 18:35

Yes I have many times and elderly people. Somebody stopped and helped my son when he fell once and I was very grateful she did

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2018 18:42

Id have asked her if she was ok OP (Id ask an adult in the same situation tbh). And Id have helped her if she'd wanted me to but I wouldnt have persisted if she said she was fine as I might with a younger child.

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2018 18:43

My brother was knocked off his bike by a car when he was a teen and cars mounted the pavement to get round him.

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