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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much to spend on DD?

70 replies

l0stmummy · 14/09/2018 01:12

It's DDs birthday at the beginning of December, and then Christmas too. She will be one. DH is saying £50 all together because she's not going to remember it and family will go crazy. But I don't think that'll get her anything, let alone two separate days worth of presents. Christmas was a flop last year (living with my mother with DH and DD in a tiny box room, in a house of 10 people). I really want our first actual Christmas as the three of us to be memorable, and DD will only have 1 first birthday. AIBU to want to spend more than just £50 for her gifts? DH really thinks it's irrelevant.

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 14/09/2018 01:14

I’m with your DH on this one. I bought only a few bits for DD first xmas. Maybe you could get a bit more if you buy things she needs anyway and wrap those up, like pjs, clothes, shoes, toothbrush. She won’t care, it’s you that does.

SpoonBlender · 14/09/2018 01:38

It's irrelevant. She'll enjoy the wrapping paper and attention more than the gifts. Don't put any serious money into this.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 14/09/2018 01:41

Get her a cheap fun present that comes in a MASSIVE BOX.

(Spoiler: she will have much more fun playing with the box.)

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 14/09/2018 01:42

And I know this is not fun or romantic or going to generate any fuzzy Christmassy feelings at all, but if you want to get her a present she will really appreciate, get her something which will massively increase in value by the time she is 18.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 14/09/2018 01:55

For her first birthday what do you think will make her happy? A little cake with candles, maybe a balloon, essentially all she needs is happy, loving family there.
It’s really not about what you spend or buy.
Christmas, well, I’m sure a 1yr old will enjoy the lights, warmth of a happy environment, tree, and leaving a carrot out for Rudolph.
It’s not all about money. 1yr olds really are not going to remember what they got for Christmas,they might, however, remember mummy and daddy hanging up a stocking (that was filled with fruit,chocolate and stocking fillers

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 14/09/2018 02:01

Don’t spend more than you can comfortably afford. Seriously your DD will remember nothing and will be happy with a wrapped up empty box and a little bit of cake! I love keepsake presents, I have classic children’s books with inscriptions from my first birthday, Christmas, christening etc. and am now reading them with my DD. So I plan on keeping up this tradition and will get DD a book along with maybe a cute outfit (that’s more for me) and perhaps a toy or two but nothing OTT.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/09/2018 02:22

Just get her a toy that will help her development on both occasions and a book each time. Thats plenty. Get lots of pictures with her cake/ gps and ye of course as they love looking at those pictures as they get older.

Aus84 · 14/09/2018 02:23

It's not about how much you spend. 1 year olds don't really need presents so I'm with your DH on this on. If you feel guilty about it (which is normal) maybe set her up a bank account and put the extra $$ you want to spend on her in that. I would do that each year until she is at an age where she starts wanting the more expensive stuff.

KnotsInMay · 14/09/2018 03:57

A well chosen toy that you know she will actually play with is better than a big pile of crap.

And even then she might prefer the box.

Monty27 · 14/09/2018 04:08

I agree with DH. Keep the money for when they really need it. A 1 yo is easily pleased.
Don't waste it.

AllyMcBeagle · 14/09/2018 04:25

Tbh I'm not sure if I'd even spend £50.

Do you remember your first birthday or Christmas OP? I would imagine not.

If there's something that you wanted to get her anyway at some point (eg clothes or toys) then you could give those on her birthday/Christmas, but she will not have any expectations of the days or memories of them at this stage. Giving her your love, affection and attention is what she really wants (and as pp have said, maybe a big box! Grin).

Fluffywuffyunicorn · 14/09/2018 04:38

I think £50 all together won't get you a lot. A one year old might not remember their first birthday or Christmas, but they still get just as excited as any other child when it comes to presents and new toys. Dd was very excited, we bought a range of keepsake gifts, toys that were age suitable but could still be played with for year, books and stuff that she needed anyway like clothes and feeding bowls, sippy cups.
Ds will be 1 in October, he won't be getting as much toys, because we've still got dd's old ones. But we will be trying to make the day memorable, just so we've got good memories.

Twotailed · 14/09/2018 05:39

I totally understand why you feel like that OP but expensive gifts for a baby who won’t remember them aren’t what will make the day memorable. Save your money for lovely food, experiences and adults. There are many years ahead for more extravagant gifts.

Bumpitybumper · 14/09/2018 05:48

It's a tricky one as I think it depends on if your child needs some new developmentally appropriate toys or clothes anyway as if this is the case then birthday and Christmas can be a great time to give these. If they pretty much have everything they need already then I would caution against splashing out on lot of additional toys at this age as they are still changing so quickly and honestly a lot of the things they might like at 12 months may well be totally uninteresting for an 18 month old. As birthday and Christmas are so close together could you agree to hold back half of the money you would have spent so that you can go out and buy some new toys/clothes next summer? By then your child will probably love thing like padding pools, scuttlebugs etc which would be totally inappropriate for them now.

ToesInWater · 14/09/2018 05:59

I would buy her a good quality cuddly toy (15yo dd still has the teddy she got for her first birthday on her bed) and probably a nice book of whatever stories you would like to read her at bedtime for her birthday and as someone else has said something in a big box that can be covered in wrapping paper and bows that you can take photos of her opening for Christmas 😊 Maybe think about the traditions you would like to start - especially for Christmas. Enjoy the cheap years!!!

BikeRunSki · 14/09/2018 06:08

We got DS a toy box with his name on and out a few age appropriate toys in. He’s 10 now, the toys are long gone, but he still uses the box. IME dc don’t really “get” Christmas until they are about 3 or 4.

AhoyDelBoy · 14/09/2018 06:11

I’ve kind of gone crazy for DD’s first birthday next week but it’s all stuff she needs or will use which I think is pretty typical at this (or any) age? E.g. we’re just going into spring so I’ve got her a new dress. She doesn’t really have many toys that are more for the toddler age so I got her a sturdy wooden pram/walker/trolley and a rocking horse (hopefully we will keep this forever). Also a few other bits like a simple puzzle, shape sorter, books and nice brush and comb set. Now that I’ve written it down it doesn’t seem THAT much but it sure cost a bloody lot Blush

Monty27 · 14/09/2018 06:11

Enjoy your cheap years!! Love it.
It's so true. Enjoy them seeing family and birthday cards, sparkles or whatever.
But hey if you have money to waste crack on. It's up to you OP.

lborgia · 14/09/2018 06:18

Get a balloon. Or two. With or without helium. Get a bottle of bubbles. Wrap the bubbles, and a dress/ outfit for Christmas. Maybe another toy.

A 1 yr old will be beyond excited with those and pretty biscuits, cakes, candles, magical to them.

Yes, start an account too.

1frenchfoodie · 14/09/2018 06:30

Of course £50 will get her something fun and memorable. Not least because baloons, bubbles, a shapesorter etc are not that expensive but also because £50 is genuinely not a small amount!

pictish · 14/09/2018 06:33

If you want to spend bigger on her presents as a gift to yourself then fine...I’ll bet a LOT of parents spend more than that on baby’s first birthday for that reason...THEY want to mark and remember it as a special day.

However your dh is also right...your dd won’t remember or care whether you spend hundreds or a tenner. It would be money wasted on her from that perspective.

pictish · 14/09/2018 06:37

I think ds1 got a wooden push along cart with bricks in it for his. Ds2 got a Tonka truck for his first while I can’t even remember what dd got...maybe it was a simple remote control duck from ELC. Nothing huge. They were just babies content to scrumple wrapping paper and scoff a little slice of homemade cake.

ShowerOfMonsters · 14/09/2018 06:38

I think he's right, tbh. Get a couple of tree decorations - one non breakable that she can "help" decorate with and one that goes higher up the tree as a keepsake.
Mine are older now, but we still buy token gifts because they are swamped with gifts from IL's.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2018 06:39

Tbh I think that amount is fine. When dd was little it was about spending regular amounts on her, not artificially saving it up for birthdays and Christmases. So for example if we went away anywhere we couldn’t take the contents of the house so I’d take a few toys and books and get her a holiday present, which kept her largely occupied - im talking around age 2-3 plus. Better to save your money now and spend it later. Children get more expensive the older they get. If you want to spend more, maybe put the money in a bank account for her and she can buy herself something with it when she’s older.

Ellisandra · 14/09/2018 06:41

It’s shocking that you don’t think £50 will buy much, and a bit sad that you think the way to create a lovely day is to throw money at it Sad

Kids outgrow toys so quickly that for a tenner you could get a pile of books and toys for both occasions at a car boot sale.

Or as others have said, a balloon is enough anyway!

Stop defaulting to equating money with things being shallow.

Is spending time together REALLY not special on its own? I’m sad for you if it isn’t.