Lateness of friend

[cutthegraa]

Meeting friend with our two DDs (aged 3) out, at 1030.

I'm there at 1030. Get a text at 1040 saying 'sorry, running late. Haven't left house yet, but be there in 15 mins'. She has form for being late. All the time

When she eventually arrived at 1110, I nicely (honestly) said next time could you please just drop me a text a wee bit earlier as you must have known before the meeting time that you weren't going to make it. I would have piped to the supermarket with DD and got that done, rather than hanging about. She took the total huff, cried and said I was being unreasonable. How was I? Was I?

No YANBU and she was ridiculously late. I would always be relaxed about 15 mins but beyond that would annoy me. If I am late I am very apologetic! Perhaps there's more to this and something has happened in her life. Is she often late?

No I’d be annoyed too. That is really late and she didn’t even let you know until after you were due to meet. Her problem for being late and crying about your comment is massively OTT.

In future just adjust the time to fifteen minutes earlier than you intend to arrive. My husband is always late so I adjust the time I ask him to arrive to make sure that he arrives for the time I actually need him to be there.

Nothing going on. Actually to be fair she is 5 months preg, but I've known her for three years and is constantly late.

I won't start turning up late on the basis she will. It's just not in my nature and sure as anything if I did, it will be the time she is on time

YANBU butnif she’s got form you’ve got two choices - let it bug you forever or adjust meets by 15 mins and accept the way she is. I’ve a good mate who is appalling for this stuff but she ain’t gonna change now and it’s not worth falling out over.

Yanbu
I had a friend like this. I have wasted hours of my life unproductively just waiting for her.

Late people are rude fucking pains in the arse. Bet she could get to work on time.

I have a friend who does this too. A few times she has been an hour late! It really naffs me off too as I could be doing other stuff rather than waiting!! I try not to meet up with her because her lateness an issue. So Im 100 percent with you on this one!

I had a friend like this - and I ditched her! Occasionally get a pang when I see something we had in common but honestly, the irritation of all the hours I wasted ending up outweighing the pleasure I got from her company.

Recently heard from a mutual friend who'd arranged to meet her for drinks she turned up 40 minutes late. I was just glad it wasn't me wasting hours of my life waiting for her.

Next time don't wait - give her 15 minutes and then leave.

I get stressed reading any threads about serial lateness.

She’s rude. Her time is more important. She’s entitled.

You were not being unreasonable. I think it's one thing to make you wait but another to keep your two young kids waiting, depending on where you were that's a long time to hang around when you're that age. I wouldn't mind so much if it was just me as I'd just get a coffee from somewhere and look at my phone or something.

I have friends like this. I just end up leaving early. In the winter when it was really really cold we met in the park. 30 min late. My 3 year old was so cold by then we had to leave after 5 min to warm up in a cafe. She was disappointed didn't get to play with their child long. Stuff like this happens so often I've started telling her a later time so she doesn't get upset or sometimes not even telling her they are going to be there incase we have to leave before they arrive. Frustrating but I think chronic lateness in someone else is hard to influence so I just try and change how I react to it

Hopefully it was just the hormones making her cry, can't see how you're being unreasonable. You didn't shout, didn't have a go at her just explained how her behaviour had affected you (you could have got a job done) and asked her to text a bit earlier. Hardly an over reaction especially if not a one off

I have a friend like this, I always adjust the time we agree to meet by half an hour. One day we were meeting I. A cafe and she called to ask me where I was 5 mins after the time we were due to meet. She was in the cafe. I was picking something up before going to meet her and was so shocked I just blurted out "oh, you're always at least half an hour late so I never get there on time, I'll picking a parcel up and will see you in 20-30 mins"

She was a bit put out when I got there but I pointe out I'd been doing this for years and this was the first time she'd waited for me, she had the grace to be embarrassed. It even made a difference for a while.

I wouldn't have been there when she turned up OP. She said 15 mins and then took 30 mins. Not acceptable. Totally disrespectful. Boundary crossed.

Meet somewhere child-friendly like a park. Then you DD won't notice. Likely to get worse before it gets better if she's going to have another baby soon.

She cried because you mentioned she was 40 mins late? Fuck that shit. Late is one thing, crying and huffing instead of abjectly apologising is super wankery. Drop her like a hot shit.

I did this.

I turned up ridiculously late to meeting up with a friend. She, quite rightly, gave me shit about it.

I cried because she was right and I was ashamed at being such a shit friend.

She told me one thing that I have never forgotten (and I have never kept someone waiting that long since):

Time is the most precious thing someone can give you. You can never give it back to them. So it should be treated with the utmost respect when someone offers you their time.

She is being ridiculous. I have a BIL like this. We would drive hundreds of miles to meet up and he would still turn up at least an hour late!!
Luckily he has now on the other side of the world!

Oh this is nothing!! My friend is always late. She was coming over once and she’d text me to say could she come at 10.30. I said yes of course. 10.30 came and went. I text her at 11.30 to say I was doing the nursery run so to come after. She text me at 1.30 to say they were going to get lunch and would be there after. She rocks up at 2.30 whilst I’m walking my dogs and disappears after 10 minutes for a hair appointment. I still love her though and she is who she is.

Is this me? I am always late. I don't know why. Time runs away with me and things always seem to go wrong (spilt drink before I go, work call, difficult toddler time, cats want feeding etc.)
No friends have ever told me off.

I literally don’t leave my house til the meeting time now, with my perennially late friend, because invariably she’s “mixed up the trains”. Don’t have time for it. I also agree to meet her half an hour earlier than I would actually like to meet, because that way it actually works out okay.

She cried? 😐

I cannot stand lateness! My husband has never been on time once in our life together, even turning up at the registry office after me on our wedding day.

I’m the opposite PITA as I have to be 15 minutes early for everything or I consider myself late...

She is being very rude.

Anyone can find that events conspire against them, and they are late every now and again. But persistent rudeness is a sign of selfishness - it's a plain demonstration of 'I'm more important than you. You wait for me'

I think you were extremely restrained in just asking for more timely warning, so you can use your time better. But that would mean she would have to consider someone else's feelings, and do so in time. The very idea drove her to a tearful tantrum.

So, do you like her despite this? If so, to aoot some of the defensive measures suggested above.

But if it's really not worth the trouble any more, then just make polite excuses to reduce contact to a frequency and type you can deal with.

Agree with leaving after 15 minutes every time. Don’t be annoyed about it just continue with your day, sending a brief “sorry you couldn’t make it today - catch up another time” if she doesn’t get in touch. Or “we’re going to crack on with our day, DD is getting a bit fidgety. Catch up another time”
Then walk off and do something else.