To ask will I ever get used to living here?!

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

So, I was born and raised in a small market town in Oxfordshire. Very quaint, very naice. Moved to a similar market town in Hertfordshire with dh, again very lovely and quiet. We decided to move in with dh’s dad to allow us to save for a deposit and we plan to be here for 5 yearsish. This is the house dh grew up in and so he knows the area well, went to school here etc. This is in London. It is so, so different to what I’m used to and I’m terrified I’m never going to get used to it! I went out today and people are rude, teenagers are scary, traffic is loud all night long. I don’t understand the buses..it’s just all so new and scary! I don’t dislike it persay, it just scares me. I know I probably sound a bit pathetic but it’s such a huge change! I am excited about having the capital on our doorstep, there are loads of exciting new places to see and things to do. I have BPD and anxiety which probably contributes.

Has anyone else made a move from a MSM all town to a city and got used to it?

Not sure where the MSM came from! Was supposed to say small market town!

Thousands of people do it all the time.

Where about in London are you? Some places are more scary than others. How long have you been there?

I live in london and I dont get any of the stuff you said. What dont you understand about the buses??

I moved from a hamlet outside a village in ireland to zone 2!!
Loved it.

I did the opposite and moved from a large city to a small-ish town and I found it very hard to adapt at first.
It probably took around 5-6 months but eventually I embraced how different it was and learned to love it.
That being said, I do enjoy being back in a suburb of a large city.

Not understanding them is probably the wrong way to phrase it. What I mean is I don’t know what stops are where, which route etc but it’s just a matter of time and experience to learn all that, I’m just venting a bit on how I felt today.

We’re in west Drayton and have been here a week.

If you haven't already, download Citymapper app onto your phone. Really helpful in getting around the city!

The buses tell you where you are.

Anyway yeh you will get use to it.

Google maps has all the bus stops on and which buses stop at them. And there are loads of transport apps.

Youll soon filter out the noise (Or get yourself some good headphones).

I hated the buses when I was in London- I had never been on a bus that announced stops before! I was so relieved when I found out they done that. Use Google Maps to help with the buses, as well.

I also grew up in a small market town in west Oxfordshire..
I have lived all over since I left for uni. Bournemouth, Bristol, Middlesbrough and now settled in Newcastle for the last 8 years.
It is very different but I left at 19 so had plenty of time to get used to it.
Some places were friendlier than others. The thing that is most different is that in my home town everyone knows everyone and you can guarantee if you leave the house you will see someone you know who knows everything about you. I do sort of miss that but also quite like the anonymity of city life.
You do get used to the background noise. When I stay at my parents house now it's eerily quiet at night.

I totally understand. I didn't even grow up in a quiet town or even village, I grew up surrounded by farmland and livestock. It took me a long time to adjust to London but it does happen slowly. I also have anxiety and other stuff so appreciate the extra stress and feeling of being overwhelmed that adds to the mix.

I learnt to take it slowly. I remember thinking I would never understand the tube! But I do now. Yes, the buses are very different (where I grew up there was one bus an hour that either went to Wales or didn't go to Wales). Is there anyone that could accompany you a few times while just exploring?

It's a perfectly normal reaction. Some of my family come from a fairly small down in S Wales and always find London a shock to the system. I've lived here over 25 years now but it all seemed huge and confusing at first.

Take it day by day. Walk around your area on the weekend and check where the bus stops are and the route numbers. Then go on the TFL website and check the route maps.

Go online and find the nearest supermarkets, leisure centres, shopping streets and go for a wander or catch a bus. Remember if you don't have an Oyster card you can use contactless.

You will adapt.

Citymapper and tfl journey planner are your friends for now, you'll get used to it in no time. Then when you move back somewhere you can't get sushi at 2am, or busses that run all night, where there are only shops that all close at five or six if it's late night shopping 🙄 you'll find it frustrating!

Thank you all for the reassurance! Dh works shifts 4 days on 4 days off so he’s around x loads to help me. It was just today I ventured out to meet him for lunch at work and just felt a bit overwhelmed!

There really isn’t anything to actually be scared of. London is just a place which is big and has lots of people.

The teens are just teens, same as in the country.
People can actually by surprisingly friendly but tend to know what they are doing, where they are going, and get on with it. The pace is quite fast.

Just get used to the bus routes that you need to travel to begin with. They will be familiar in no time.

It's only been a week. Give it some time.

I'm in Zone 2 and love it. Buses are easy once you get in a bit of practice. The tube's even easier. People are actually by and large friendly and helpful but I would say (very generally) that people tend to assume you want your privacy and won't spontaneously approach you or strike up a chat. Almost everyone IME responds pleasantly if you approach them, though.

I also found, in my neighbourhood anyway, that I became a 'local' and a 'regular' very quickly. It's easy to become friendly with people who work in shops and cafes that you go to even semi-regularly, and once your face is known people who you see out and about in the street are up for a smile and a chat. Again, all IME, obviously!

I live quite close to West Drayton and a lot as I have family there. If you want me to show you around the local area just pm me. I can give you a quick tour or where everything is and what buses take you where

it will take time.give yourself that.
your feelings on this are your feeling so they are real and valid.but its how you go on from here and take the enxt stps that matter.
but some people don't like city living hense why they live elsewhere in the countryside.so you might not love it.but for now if this is where you have to stay then make life the best it can be.
do you have time on your hands.can you go out on random tours out.just getting on and off a few main bus routes.getting to know the tube.
don't treat it as something to fear but an adventure.
also you mh issues wil impact hugely on how your taking this.you wil be on auto pilot fight or flight with your mh as it is.the illness you have means you will be more prone to panic.see the doom in situation and feel fearful.but again that's how it is so how do we make it better.livable.even lovely.
print out the tube maps.print out the bus routes. just keep having a glance or keep them in ur bag.
would things like some podcasts help to put on and you could go out for a walk and explore. are there breathing guides that could help you keep calm when out and about.
go out with hub for a ncie meals.time out,go and make some memories that help you see life can be good too in the city.
you will get used to it.yo didn't come home in the countryside and know it.youve had ur whole life to do that! so give it time.
don't put up walls of fear and already think you cant do it.that will put huge smog like screen in front of your mentality to get through this.just go with the flow use each da as it comes and it will be ok

I grew up in the middle of nowhere and moved to a city. Not London. That would freak me right out! Can't deal with crowds, noise, traffic etc. Living in a city was a surreal jump, but it did me good for the 8 years I lived there. Very glad to be back in the sticks again now, though. You'll be fine for 5 years. Give it a while, and embrace the challenges. It's not forever.

Shadow that is so kind thank you! I’ll pm you.

I’m sure I will get used to it and love it, it’ll just take time.

And yes lots of time on my hands to walk about and get to know the area. That Citymapper app is brilliant so thank you whoever suggested that!

Give it time . A week is no time at all.

No but when first married, we bought a very small terraced house in Sidcup. Nothing wrong with Sidcup as such, there are some very nice houses and roads not far from the high street - but the bit we lived in was called "Blackfen". It was dire. I was very unhappy all the time I was there, scared to go out on my own if it was dark and became depressed. Boy was I glad when I moved.

The area (Blackfen) was attractive to first time buyers because of the low house prices, nobody stayed there that long, except of course for some people who were much older and had been there most of their lives.

What you are experiencing is not unusual but there's a lot to be said for living in London once you get used to it. Anyway it isn't forever is it? When you've saved up enough you can buy your own place where you like.