To be upset with dp over this.

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

Dp was talking about a big even coming up that we had said was a shame we missed out on last time.

We haven't spent any time alone together since April of last year, before that it was since I was pregnant with Ds (whose 7 next month)

So dp texts me earlier on to see if I wanted to go to this event next month as it's back near us. I replied saying I'd love to go so he said ok let's book. I booked. Thinking it would be so nice for us to go to this together and I was so excited.

Dp came home an hour again and nonchalantly dropped into conversation that friend 1 from work is going and dp other friend 2 might be going.

I got upset because he hadn't told me this earlier and when I went quiet he shouted that he "i knew you'd react like that! Just cancel the tickets" how I can't control who goes to the event and so on.

But I am really upset. He never said before the purchase that these people were going and to mention it now means to me it was already planned and it wasn't ever going to be what I thought it was. Add to that I'm shy, introverted and haven't met these people.

Event. Sorry for typos.

Yabu it's a public event.

Are you all going together then?

Saying that in April his friends were there again and he was doing so work

@haberpop supposedly. This is why he told me to book the certain tickets. I understand it's a public event.

love it was never going to be romantic was it? Just go and enjoy the event. How come you don’t get out often?

Maybe DH was really looking forward to a day out with you and to see others too? If he didn’t want to spend time with you he would of gone alone with his friends.
It’s wouldnt bother me.

I’d be upset too. If you get very few chances to do things as a couple an event you really want to go to becomes very precious.

If you really want to go anyway then go and accept it as a group event, but I would be making it clear in private how hurt I was that my partner didn’t put any value on time spent as a couple.

Don't go out because he always says it's a waste of time. Ok I'm going to get over it. Would have liked to have been told before though

Maybe he thinks it be good to have some couple friends that you can all go out with? Hopefully you will all have a good time. I am painfully shy but I would welcome an opportunity to make new friends with my partner.

What sort of event?

It's a music event. Ok I've messaged him and told him I'm over the upset. Thanks for grounding me

Can you arrange to go for a meal either before or after, just the two of you?

i knew you'd react like that! Just cancel the tickets" how I can't control who goes to the event and so on

I can so imagine a similar thing happening with us. DH calls me antisocial but I just don't like making small talk and find these kinds of things awkward with new people. I prefer it to just be us. I can understand him not telling you if he knew you wouldn't come and he wanted you to. I don't think its the end of the world though.

This doesn't need to be and either or situation. Can't you all go, then you and your partner pop away for some of it to have a drink or good together and then meet up with the friends again. Compromise instead of each demanding what you want entirely.

How come you were the one who had to book the event? It was his idea.

I dont think its unreasonable to want one on one time with your partner.

I do think its unreasonable to shout at someone for them expressing that.

He sounds like a bit of a dick

*an either/or

What's the problem with the OP booking the tickets? Maybe she has more spare time to do it?

I get wanting alone time but in those set of circumstances I wouldn't personally be upset. Can you guys get a hotel or something or book a meal before just the two of you?

I think you were unreasonable but you’ve realised that now. Apologise and let it go and enjoy the event x

OK so this event isn’t alone time, disappointing and annoying but not the end of the world.

That doesn’t mean you can’t arrange something else. Time to connect as a couple is really important especially after having a baby.

Explain that you were upset because you want some time just together and plan something fabulous together.

Whilst it's still a public event with loads of people going, there's still a difference between going just you and DH and you, DH and a group of his friends.

I wouldn't have been happy either

I can 100% understand this. My DP and I hardly ever go out because he isn't that into it and says we don't have the money etc. and I HATE it but can't seem to bring him round.

I would be extremely upset if he said we were going out and I though we might have an actual date and it turned to be a group thing with people I don't know. Its easy for people to say YABU if they are going out regularly and don't see how precious that 1 on 1 time has become. I think YANBU.

I think your reaction is totally unreasonable. He probably thought it would be a bit of fun for the 2 of you and these other people being there would be fun to see as well. If I'd been in your husband's shoes I'd be utterly gutted by your reaction and probably responded in anger too.

Back in the summer dh bought us tickets to a music festival, our first weekend away in a decade since having the kids. I knew one other person that he knows from work would be there, but I didn't expect to be greeted by a huge group of 20 friends and their partners, older children etc etc. Still dh and I had fun, when we wanted to be alone for a bit we just went off to do our own thing for a bit.

I'm sure you're aware you've over reacted and I hope you can both have a lovely time together. Xx

YANBU but I'd say if he shouted about this then you may have other issues.

I agree with BrightLightsAndSound "He sounds like a bit of a dick"

I am guessing you need more time alone with him, or evenings out with just him or something like that than he does. So tell him, that is what you would like. I'm someone who likes going out with friends and dh doesn't so I go out with my female friends for meals or cinema and dh is fine with that. I do tell him of social actives but he is not so sociable! His choice.

Whether you go to this event or not is up to you. If you would like some date nights, can he arrange them, can you get a sitter, can you together do something you will enjoy?

You do not need to apologise, you got upset, you are allowed to get upset.

However, him shouting at you is not on.

Plus the "i knew you'd react like that!" suggests that he knew you would not want to go to the event if you knew if was with friends rather than as a couple.

Just find a way to talk about it and show you want time with him. He should be flattered.