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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if my son is invited to party too?

34 replies

DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 10:46

DS (3) just started kindergarten last week. He’s in a class of 12/13, split up into 3/4 for some classes, so that it’s more one-on-one education and attention from the teachers, brought together for sports, swimming, playtime, storytimes, nursery singing, etc...

All the kids are new and most, if not all, of the mums don’t know each other but are gradually saying hello and introducing themselves during drop offs and pick ups, over the tops of our kids’ heads. Tbh, if you have kids, you know the drill - he’s my first and only so far, but I knew what the playground would be like in the beginning! Awkward, forced but friendly and curious... there’s no bitchiness and everyone seems lovely.

One mum has set up a WhatsApp group for all the mums in Kindergarten; for the obvious - anyone who’s forgotten whether its P.E. kit day and needs to ask, make an announcement about school closures or roadworks on way in, or (in this case) to arrange social gatherings such as birthday parties for the kids.

I got added to the group a bit later than everyone else (I’m friendly but don’t like “clicky” groups - probably out of fear of not being included, so tend to keep myself to myself. Oxymoron I know, but hey 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️), so took a while to actually start chatting to the mum who’s admin on the group. Those of you who know about WhatsApp groups will know that you can only see messages from the moment you got added, not before.

So a message came through today:

“Just confirming details for Birthday Girl’s party this weekend.
The weather is looking dry (fingers crossed please) so we will have inflatables, BBQ, games, cake and drinkies from 13:00 at ours.
Bring a cardie in case it gets chilly!
Will be going on til late so feel free to come along any time after 1 and stay til whenever :)
Look forward to seeing you all.
Mum & birthday girl xx”

Am I to just assume DS is invited, but a card and present and just show up? I would need the address first of course... Or should I reply to the message or privately to her, asking is the invite to include my son? It’s actually fine if he isn’t tbh, because it’s my birthday weekend and I’m being taken away that night with DH to eat and stay at the Shard and I have a hair appointment in the afternoon, but my mum (who is more sociable than me! Proper social butterfly!!) has happily said she would take DS for a few hours...

I just don’t want to make her feel she has to invite DS and at his age he won’t know any different anyway - but I know he’s already (according to the teachers) a very popular kid at playtime and super friendly and loves to play nicely (and loudly) with everyone. So I doubt he will have been solely excluded from invites...

I don’t know, I’m rambling now... you get the gist, so answers on a postcard please!!! Or just below will do xx

OP posts:
DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 10:48

By the way, I only mention the class situation (being split up) because DS isn’t in class with birthday girl so I actually don’t know who she is and not sure I have seen her mum or dad yet.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 12/09/2018 10:52

I would message her privately and keep it light and jokey,maybe say something like -
"Hiya, I'm X's Mum. Just seen your message about child's name party. This is super awkward, but I'm not actually sure if X is invited?! It's absolutely fine if they're not (this really isn't an angle for an invite!) But didn't want to just not turn up! 😂"

Helpimfalling · 12/09/2018 10:55

I'd do this perfect @VioletCharlotte

TokyoSushi · 12/09/2018 10:57

Exactly what VioletCharlotte said! Let us know!

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 12/09/2018 11:01

I once had to do similar. So awkward, but better than being rude right? The wording above is perfect. Wish I'd have been that good with my words at the time Grin

PuppyMonkey · 12/09/2018 11:16

Yes, send Violet's message - it will almost certainly be an 'open to everyone on the Whatsapp group' thing, and it's just that you weren't part of it when the original invitation was sent.

She says, confidently. Grin

DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 11:17

Thanks for the advice - I took it and sent the following...

“Hiya, I'm XX, x’s Mum. Just seen your message about Birhday girl’s party. This is super awkward, but I'm not actually sure if x is invited?! It's absolutely fine if he’s not, perhaps it’s just for kids in Birthday girl’s immediate class or it’s a “no boys allowed” princess party 😇 or something equally viable. This really isn't an angle for an invite - it may have to be my mum that would bring him anyway as I’m away that evening for my own birthday, which she is fine with doing, but I just didn't want to just not turn up if he was invited, or, possibly worse, turn up if he wasn’t invited and you be like, who is his random kid?! 😂 sorry for the awkward message, but I didn’t know how else to broach it and I’m not sure who you are yet in the playground to come and say hi! I may even just hide after this message 🤦🏻‍♀️ xx”

Hope she is a relaxed mum and I haven’t just created an enemy in the playground! Could even be I’ve just created a bff though, so we’ll see!

OP posts:
DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 11:19

I quickly added, in case she wasn’t aware, that I had only just been added to the group so couldn’t see any conversations before being added...

OP posts:
Spartasprout · 12/09/2018 11:38

Perfect!

spiderlight · 12/09/2018 11:38

Hope she replies soon!

zzzzz · 12/09/2018 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 11:51

From her:

“Hi DieBabySharkDie,
That is both the nicest and funniest message I’ve read in a long time ❤🤣 Birthday Girl moved up to Reception this month, she was in Kindergarten last year so I kept the invite in both groups as she still has some friends from KG that were there last year with her.
You are very welcome to come 😃
Please don’t hide if you see me in the playground tho 😃
xxxx”

From Me:
“🤣🙈 I don’t know whether to be more embarrassed that I didn’t know there wasn’t a Birthday Girl in Kindergarten or relieved that you are so nice lol! I’ll take a bit of both...
If you see someone ducking behind those swimming bag bin/storage things, you know it’s me! Although as I still don’t know what you look like I don’t have a chance of escape 🤣 if you recognise me from my WhatsApp pic and see me around, come say hello - I promise not to run away! 🤦🏻‍♀️
Xxx”

Done... perhaps a friend has been made!

(I’m new to the area too, so know no one and this has perked up my confidence to meet people a bit!)

OP posts:
Honeypickle · 12/09/2018 11:54

That's lovely - but you haven't told her whether your son is coming to the party!

BuntyII · 12/09/2018 11:54

You sound very sweet Smile id have just said ooh is DS invited or just turned up Blush

Blinkingblimey · 12/09/2018 11:56

Well done op - polite, unassuming & friendly usually wins the day!

DanSullivan · 12/09/2018 12:01

Ah, I think you’ve made a friend there!

DieBabySharkDie · 12/09/2018 12:02

Honeypickle

Yeah, I’ve told her we’ll go - me and Mum in separate cars, so I can say hi and introduce myself with DS getting to join in and make more friends, but be able to leave when I need to. Mum will be more than happy to stay. She makes friends better than I do and she’ll end up with everyone’s numbers by the end of the night, lunch dates with all the mums and will probably have play dates arranged too... everyone loves my mum ❤️

Post edited by MNHQ at OP's request

OP posts:
Honeypickle · 12/09/2018 12:06

Sounds perfect - I hope you, your mum and your son really enjoy the party! And well done - it's not easy sending texts like that, but you have a happy ending.

PS I think you may have included your son's name - you may want to report that post to get it removed!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2018 12:28

Ahhh that's good, maybe you have made a new friend with her Smile.

MaryShelley1818 · 12/09/2018 12:44

Awww such a lovely thread to read. Made me smile 😊
Enjoy your Birthday weekend and hope your son enjoys the party x

VioletCharlotte · 12/09/2018 12:48

Ah she sounds lovely! So pleased it all worked out well Smile

BusterGonad · 12/09/2018 12:56

You sound really good fun op!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/09/2018 12:56

Smile good on you OP.

SilverLining10 · 12/09/2018 12:58

You both sound lovely. It seems like a nice group. If shes the admin more likely it's not a cliquey one.

peachgreen · 12/09/2018 13:05

Aw this thread made me smile Thanks