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Original poster

Worried baby will have birth mark.

48 replies

Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:26

I've name changed, as I've spoken to a couple of people about this (both blokes who I am fairly sure don't have mn!) but just to be on the safe side.

I have a pretty big birthmark that has caused me huge anxiety my whole life. It covers about a quarter of my body and only my parents and DP know the full extent of it. DP likes it and makes me feel beautiful and strangely I don't feel uncomfortable around him. Anyone else I would die on the spot if they saw it.

I have this awful irrational fear that my baby will be horribly deformed or will have to grow up with the same problems I did. I don't believe it is genetic however it's still a huge fear I have. I know that childbirth is going to be full of fear of seeing my baby for the first time.

I think I actually need to be told I'm being stupid and unreasonable. I have only talked to DP about it and nobody else other than my parents know how big my birthmark is. I have nobody to talk to in rl.

AIB stupid to worry about this?

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Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:26

Forgot to add I'm 32 weeks pregnant!

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Confusedbeetle · 11/09/2018 22:27

I think you need to speak to a genetic counsellor for a realistic opinion

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:28

I feel stupid even taking about it. Only talked to DP and briefly to my dad and they aren't the best with advice so could use some clarity Sad

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Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:28

@Confusedbeetle consultant said it is absolutely not genetic but I don't think I will ever be convinced.

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GummyGoddess · 11/09/2018 22:34

Any deformities would have been picked up by now. You will still love and adore your child even if they did have a birth mark.

You have a family and partner who love you, even if baby did have a birth mark, it doesn't mean they will have the same issues you did and you have already shown that they can be happy no matter what.

SadTrombone · 11/09/2018 22:35

It is 100% not genetic.
YANBU to be anxious however as pregnancy does that. I'm a couple of weeks behind you and am worrying about all sorts of shit that is never going to happen .

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:37

Thank you @GummyGoddess - I have no doubts at all that I will love my baby. I never ever doubted that. I just had such a hard time as a child and I fear I'll pass that on to mine. It's completely irrational but I'm so terrified my baby will be like me.

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Bearwithverylittlebrain · 11/09/2018 22:37

Do your parents or other family members have a similar birthmark?

I have a birthmark (very small and light in a non visible place), neither my parents or siblings do.

1 niece has a strawberry birthmark on her leg. None of her other 5 siblings, or their children have a birthmark.

Unless I am mistaken, I don't think they are genetic.

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:37

@SadTrombone thank you and many congratulations Thanks

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Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:38

@Bearwithverylittlebrain I've been told they aren't genetic but am still convinced my baby will be just like me. I am completely irrational but it's a real fear I have and I just can't bear the thought of childbirth as I know I'm dreading seeing my baby for the first time as I'm so scared they will have something wrong. That sounds so, so awful.

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IamPickleRick · 11/09/2018 22:41

My beautiful middle boy had a large red birthmark across a lot of his face. I can honesty say I barely noticed it, I just saw his beautiful eyes and on point eyebrows. It faded and is only there when he’s angry or tired now. I had a lot of comments on how he “hurt himself” and just explained it was his birthmark. He is the sort of lad now that absolutely no one would make fun of without a good thump, please don’t worry. Your baby will be gorgeous x

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:44

Thank you @IamPickleRick - it's amazing isn't it. I could never think a baby was ugly or unsightly to look at. They're babies. They're gorgeous. It's more me worrying about my experience being the same for my baby. I was so badly bullied that I tried to cut my birthmark off my body. I wore long sleeves on holiday in Spain. It was just awful. It's completely irrational.

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BusyBee27 · 11/09/2018 22:44

I have a huge strawberry birthmark that covers the back of my upper arm and to be honest, I barely ever remember that I have it! A huge part of the reason for this is that my parents never made a big thing of it and always told me it made me unique, nothing else. This has rubbed off on me, if you like, as I don’t hide it, am very proud of it when I actually remember I have it(!!) and am very upfront with people about what it is if they ask.

I understand why you have some anxieties about this, given your own negative experiences, but I honestly think that PPs are right when they say you will love your child even if it does have a birthmark and, as long as you don’t make a big deal of it, they wouldn’t view it as anything other than part of who they are! HTH Smile

ExPresidents · 11/09/2018 22:45

Please don’t worry OP. You are being irrational but that’s ok, everyone is irrational at some point during pregnancy Grin
It’s totally normal to worry about anything going wrong/being wrong the baby especially as you get closer to the end but those worries shouldn’t be all consuming and if they are, speak to your midwife please. She will be able to help.

Please please please believe me when I say as soon as that baby is placed in your arms you will see the most beautiful person that has ever existed Smile

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:47

Thanks @BusyBee27 - my birth mark is huge. It covers my whole back, half of my stomach area, both of the tops of my legs, a bit of my neck, my buttocks and the back of one of my arms. I amazingly cover most of it. I've been thinking about having a photo shoot and makeover in a bikini (nothing tacky or nasty, just for myself) so I can look at myself and appreciate myself a little more as I do still cry over my skin.

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lifeofdreams · 11/09/2018 22:48

@letitiea

Please remember that no worry is stupid and you’re obviously very upset and concerned. That being said, I doubt your precious bundle will have a birthmark because you have one.

I really feel for you that your pregnancy has been blighted with such a huge worry 😞

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:48

Thank you @ExPresidents Thanks

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BusyBee27 · 11/09/2018 22:48

P.s. should have said this in my post, but I’m fairly sure they’re not genetic anyway (no one else in my family has one) and as my mum said when the midwife told her she had bad news for her (after I was born, referring to my birthmark), I’m sure you’d say, as she did, “is that bloody all?!”. In other words, I’m sure you’d just be glad your baby was healthy and you wouldn’t give a fig that they had a harmless birthmark!

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:49

@lifeofdreams thank you.

It's a shame. Pregnancy has been tough but I'm sure will be worth all the heartache!

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TheGateauIsInTheChateau · 11/09/2018 22:49

Don’t worry op, I broke one my limbs quite badly and have lots of metal patching it back together... irrationally I was so worried about my baby’s limbs thinking it would have sting metal limb too... I think it’s natural to have these worries, no matter how silly they are. If you’ve been reassured then try and shake it off.

BustopherJones · 11/09/2018 22:50

I hope the moment you first see your baby is wonderful. Have you seen many newborns before? Not everyone has seen a baby that young, and they all look a bit funny when they first come out - they’ve been all squished up, and they often have marks that fade. They’ll be beautiful though.

Pregnancy is worrying, though. Worrying makes you worried, not stupid.

BusyBee27 · 11/09/2018 22:51

@Letitiea, is it a strawberry one? Sounds awesome! Grin I think a photo shoot is a great idea, I bet the birthmark is so much more beautiful than you think it is - I really think they are quite special, but I’m a bit biased Wink

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:51

@BustopherJones I've seen lots of newborns as I watch many, many childbirth videos (since they were allowed on Instagram!). I love them. They bring me so much joy. I know so much can go wrong but as much as I am scared I am excited to meet my baby. I have so much love for them already.

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AgathaMystery · 11/09/2018 22:52

I don't think your worry is irrational. It's a huge part of your body and life. I am sure your baby will be born healthy and without a birthmark like yours, but I know what anxious pregnancy is like and I don't think you're irrational - you have my sympathy and understanding x

Original poster
Letitiea · 11/09/2018 22:54

@BusyBee27 it's a port wine stain. It's not as bad as it was when I was little but still extremely noticeable. Very rare to run in families but not impossible which I think is where my fear stems from

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