Taking on a lodger in my house with the kids

[dustiseverywhere]

Hi
Recently separated. We have a spare bedroom in the family home. I am considering renting it out, BUT I am irrationally worried about renting it out to a bloke who ends up creeping into the kids bedrooms at nights. 😐

I know, I know. I think I am feeling generally vulnerable.

AIBU when advertising it NOT to mention that it is a family home? So I don't attract the paedophiles? But then I don't want a twenty-something who is going to be bringing a succession of men into my home. Or even just her boyfriend and then shagging for us all to hear,.

Can you tell I am not enthusiastic about this whole lodger thing? It's financially motivated, obviously, got to find some way of paying the mortgage when the ex isnt,.....Oh, for the love of god, can someone who has done this please advise me how to find a normal non-predatory non-shagging lodger? Where do I advertisers? What references do I ask them for? How do I weed out the weirdos.

My mum's next-door neighbour rents to language students. She cooks for them I think but they rarely want her to as they go out a lot. Also they are only there short term, a few weeks at a time so even if they are annoying they aren't around for long. So she gets her house back for periods of time.
Try any language schools near you.

Just put an advert on spare room clearly specifying what you are offering and what you are looking for (women, no overnight guests, non smoker etc). Costs 20 quid to stick an advert up. Be very clear up front what the rules are (can they use your pots and pans? Can they store their own pots and pans in the kitchen? What times can they not use the kitchen? Fridge space? Bike parking? Car parking? WiFi speed and limits? What are your expectations re cleaning?)

You can specify Mon - Fri, tick the relevant box and repeat it in your advert .

You may get a few people express interest who are not right but they probably just express interest in everything without reading the advert - just ignore them.

45mins is a bit far travel to attract uni students though probably. Unless it's London.

You need to price it realistically and discount a bit from other similar properties given your specific requests - it's a small pool of people to appeal to. Don't expect lots of interest but you only need to find one person.

Re asking where you'll find teachers etc Spareroom is one of the most popular houseshare sites and its normal for people to tell you their profession when giving info about why they're looking (and mosys ads specify professionals only, mature students only etc)

I think the people against this have no idea just how many people houseshare and lodge these days, it's really not unusual or just for weirdos! My previous landlady told me that she'd had a woman lodging while she toured with the royal ballet, a Russian surgeon whos wife was volunteering abroad for a year and a number of Indian and Pakistani students who had wanted to live in a house where they didn't have to worry about other people bringing friends home (as they wouldn't be permitted to associate with unrelated men) Theres a lot of variety in the needs and wants of prospective lodgers these days.

I had a lodger and she became my daughters best friend. I did meet her at work so felt pretty safe. She had a double room and shared a bathroom with my daughter. She paid £400 a month. No overnight visitors were allowed.

Have you got a proffesional football or rugby teams near by because they often need places to stay for their young players that have had to move away from their family home. They often eat at the club and only come back to the house to sleep. The pay wasn't bad when I was looking into it either

Just set out your stall, I’ve done it as a single parent, set rules, it’s fine!

Write to the Accommodation Officer at a hospital or a college.
Google foreign language students temporary accommodation.

Student nurses-usually work long days and when on nights will be asleep all day.
Ideal.
Already police checked.

I know someone who took international students. They were often Chinese and very quiet.
They did used to have to make quite a bit of effort with them - encourage them to socialise with them and take them out. I think they liked having children around.

What about renting to a nanny who has a daily job nearby? You could contact a local nanny agency and see if they have anyone who has just got a daily job and us looking for accommodation?
Might be win win as you could discount the rent ( or not) in exchange for some childcare when the nanny is free?

How old are your kids? You want a quiet, unobtrusive lodger who pays but never interferes with your family life ... are you able to offer a quiet atmosphere in return or will your lodger have to put up with screaming kids at 6am on a Sunday morning, toddlers interfering with her belongings, kids who don’t flush the loo/poop with the door open etc

Having a lodger is a 2 way thing & if your children are young you might be better either doing international students or finding an alternative income stream

We had international students live with us when dd was very little (she is now 15). Being honest it was an absolute nightmare and I would rather eat beans on toast for the rest of my life than ever do it again.

We had one who never washed, ever. They completely stank the room out and just sprayed more and more lynx about.

We had one who rang her friend in China and fell asleep on the phone (before days of mobiles and internet... bill was huge).

We had one who decided to buy one of those ready cooked chickens and store it in her bedroom drawer, eating a little of it everyday. We only realised when we went in to clean and the room smelt terrible.

We had many who stole all our toiletries (they were meant to provide their own) to the point I had to remove everything from the bathroom every time I used it (face cream, bath stuff etc etc).

We had one who would talk loudly all night on the phone next to my dds room so kept her awake at all hours despite me offering the use of a separate living room downstairs where she could chat to her hearts content.

And so on.

It was seriously the worst time of my life - just gone through a horrible divorce and then that. Would never do it again.

(And yes when you have students from outside the uk you’re generally expected to treat them like part of the family, spend time with them and provide an evening meal - all that was fine, it was all the other stuff))!

What about renting to a nanny who has a daily job nearby? You could contact a local nanny agency and see if they have anyone who has just got a daily job and us looking for accommodation?
Might be win win as you could discount the rent ( or not) in exchange for some childcare when the nanny is free?
Love this idea, thank you

Fairylea - sounds awful and is exactly the sort of thing I fear.

Lucyfox - year 6 and 4. No longer toddlers and they like their sleep. Toilet issue is a bit of an issue!

I would try and target being a
Lodging for students too . Can be a nice little earner and more temporary too

Failing that - move or inscrase income

Having a lodger will be stress for you - and probably not ideal for them either

Toilet issue is a bit of an issue!

Is there only one bathroom in the house?

These ideas are lovely but honestly? A lot of this laundry lists of wants in a lodger is going to depend on what you're offering (location, transport links or parking, rent, the room and access to kitchen/bathroom/etc). If you're not in a prime area you might not be able to be as choosy as you'd like.

Agree that, even though it's your house, your rules and your family home, it is a two way street. From a lodger's POV, it's wonderful to have a roof over your head and a safe environment, and you would of course hope that most people would respect that and give you and your family their privacy and space. However it's very limiting being in a family home, especially as people tend to have relationships, friendships, needs and wants maybe different from yours. I would personally be upfront in the adverts in regards to it being a family home, no overnight visitors etc., as neither you nor prospective lodgers would want your/their time to be wasted in viewing somewhere unsuitable.

As people have mentioned, nursing students or similar, where a DBS has already been undertaken, may help ease your mind and be a good place to start.

But please, even if a nurse, nanny, teacher etc with an existing DBS- ALWAYS check and call references yourself. Not only for safety but to enquire about personality, kindness, the right fit for your family.

I lodged last year and my landlady had been very specific that she only wanted women. That was set out in the ad. We never spoke about overnight guests but I wouldn't have felt comfortable bringing a man into her home. Have the conversation when you meet them to vet them and trust your gut.

Ask for a woman.
No way I would have a male lodger - unless he was gay.

Bloody hell, babes, calm down!

Not all lodgers- male or female- are sexual deviants, raucous party animals or trouble-makers. I’m not, anyway, although some I’ve met have been messy or have different ideas of living in a home. So...

• Have a list of ground rules in your contract, that you both sign. You can find these on the internet or get a solicitor to draft one for you.

• Ask the lodger to get a CRB (DBS) check- it’s only really valid the day it’s applied for, but may make the situation seem a bit more of a serious, professional arrangement and give you some peace of mind?

• Advertise in a place where you feel “nice” people may frequent: Law Schools, hospitals on staff notice board, “naice” unis or schools etc

• Ask around if any of your acquaintances know people looking for rooms. Again, personal recommendations may help you.

Lastly, again, not all men or any other genders, are going to necessarily have any interest in your children or any children at all. Please don’t worry about this!

And I think you may find that many lodgers will NOT want to live in a household with kids, and may avoid this due to noise, smell and mess etc. I certainly did, I rang up and interviewed landlords with the following questions:

1. Any kids, particularly babies (due to screaming)?
2. Any smokers here?
3. Any party animals?

For me, all 3 had to be answered with a “no” for me to proceed. Not surprisingly, I struggled to find a room!

I’ve just rented out my spare room for the first time. I let it in Nov and they moved out last week.
Advice:
I stated we were a family on the advert so they knew to expect a family home
I didn’t state anything about children or ages. I think I might of had to put my sex in the advert (spare room) but don’t recall
I met 4 different people until I found a young couple I really liked.
I too was very unsure about having a man in the house, but equally some of the women I met would have been wrong

Overall it’s been a great experience, they’ve been fantastic lodgers and I earned some much needed extra cash.

I went with my gut feeling when I met each of them and would suggest that along with all the other great practical advice people have given you

Oh and one other thing - I let the room (with Ensuite) and use of the kitchen etc
However the living room was our space. For me this was really important! No awkward watching TV with strangers!!