Taking on a lodger in my house with the kids

[dustiseverywhere]

Hi
Recently separated. We have a spare bedroom in the family home. I am considering renting it out, BUT I am irrationally worried about renting it out to a bloke who ends up creeping into the kids bedrooms at nights. 😐

I know, I know. I think I am feeling generally vulnerable.

AIBU when advertising it NOT to mention that it is a family home? So I don't attract the paedophiles? But then I don't want a twenty-something who is going to be bringing a succession of men into my home. Or even just her boyfriend and then shagging for us all to hear,.

Can you tell I am not enthusiastic about this whole lodger thing? It's financially motivated, obviously, got to find some way of paying the mortgage when the ex isnt,.....Oh, for the love of god, can someone who has done this please advise me how to find a normal non-predatory non-shagging lodger? Where do I advertisers? What references do I ask them for? How do I weed out the weirdos.

Not sure about foreign students. A family member did this and had to go through quite formal consultation process, had to cook for them and give a fair bit of support. Thdfe were a few issues with communication difficulties
home sickness and illness. Not sure if that's compatible with family life tbh. An older PhD student might be better; someone who is over the partying stage!

You are not being unreasonably worried. You should only take women.

How old are your children? If they are old enough to have a lock on their door that should be OK.

I was 14 when my parents started renting my brother's bedroom to students from the local university, when he had left home for uni himself. We had about 4 different lodgers before I also left at 18. Most were fine but often a bit odd (why did they not have friends at uni to live with?) One guy was creepy, smelly, and although he never did anything to me, I once woke up in the middle of the night and he was in my bedroom, shouting at me to turn off my TV (I'd fallen asleep with it on), and it freaked me out. He later admitted to my mum that he thought our house was haunted, so she chucked him out for our safety. Months later he admitted to flashing at his new landlady, an older lady. We had a near miss there!!

X post Greatestshowwoman! Wasn't replying directly to you but to earlier post! Foreign students might be ok if supported by local college. The one's my family member hosted came through some sort of agency.

My parents had a male (student) lodger when I was my kid. They also paid him for babysitting me. Nothing bad happened. Never got the stench of smoke out of his room though. My main memory is me trying insist my dads car was the fastest car and faster than his motor cycle.

We later learned he liked to steal cars and joyride them as a hobby (like yeaaaaars later).

I guess it was a risk but I do have fond memories.

I would put all restrictions and expectations in your initial advert. No point wasting their or your own time by getting them around if your restrictions are unacceptable to them. You should also be clear it is a family house from the start, IMO, because some people wouldn't want that.

With our lodgers we provided bread and cereal and milk for them to make their own breakfast, that's all. They were allowed access to one of our two living rooms, so we had a private family space, but they never used the lounge that they could have used anyway.

So basically you want an invisible female lodger absent during the day and weekends and with no friends

If you live in a university town you can put in a bunk bed and "get two lovely Chinese students. They will be too shy to speak to you, they will keep each other company and you will barely see them. It could even be term time only and they will pay quite a lot. You can contact the university international office to advertise.

We have had lodgers for years! We had Monday to Friday lodgers only, and the last one was a woman in her 50s who had moved to the area to be near her adult daughter after a divorce.

You can be sensible and choose who to let the room to and under what terms - you don't have to accept anyone you aren't sure about - it is your home

You do know that women can abuse children as well? I'm assuming that's what you're insinuating by saying a man would go into the kids bedrooms.

I would personally never take the risk of a stranger in the house.

So basically you want an invisible female lodger absent during the day and weekends and with no friends

Oh yes wouldn't that be just the perfect lodger ? 😀

We had Monday to Friday lodgers only, and the last one was a woman in her 50s who had moved to the area to be near her adult daughter after a divorce.

This would be genuinely be my ideal lodger

You do know that women can abuse children as well? I'm assuming that's what you're insinuating by saying a man would go into the kids bedrooms.

What else would I be 'insuinuating' ? Why else would a male lodger go into children's bedrooms at night time? I am of course aware of the very rare paedophiles who are women. The vast vast majority are male though as we are all well aware.

Advertise in hospital staff rooms, ask the receptionist to take the advert..

Also get in contact with University's, for students on 6 month placements.

Foreign students.

Definately female. No overnight guests.

Spareroom.com have people looking for rooms Mon-Fri to avoid commuting.

You can put your advert on there.

I was going to come on here & suggest you look for a Mon - Fri lodger too.

There are a few websites that specialise in them - google should bring them up. One is called something like Five days, another Monday to Friday, and spare room has a Mon-Fri section on it.

My mum used to take the teachers that came over with the foreign language students. They were a lot less trouble than taking the actual students and were basically the ideal short-term lodger.

Get a female postgrad student and specify no overnight guests.

Is specify lesbian.

We've hosted foreign students, the pay is good and they mostly really lovely and if they are not they only stay for 3 weeks. I've had up to 3 at once. Two sharing a double bedroom and another in a single room. My children loved them! Very interesting for my children to find out about different cultures and they would love to keep my kids occupied while i made dinner. I've hosted children from ages 14-17 just had to provide breakfast and dinner. Also another school that had students aged over 18 that came to work in the uk for a period of time. I often wouldn't have to cook as they would be out and about meeting friends. The language schools were great if any problems and they always bought a gift! Maybe worth looking into.

I think you can be as picky as you like, but be aware you’ll need to price the room accordingly (unless you live in some trendy zone 1 borough where people will pay a million pounds a week to live in a cupboard).

You can’t expect an invisible lodger to pay the same as a flatshare or bedsit or whatevs, where they’ll be living with other young people and can have guests in the living room or boyfriends staying over whenever they like.

My friend's family did this when we were at school together. They stipulated female student, no overnight guests. And I'm pretty sure they imposed a curfew. At least during the week. They did it for years.

*I was going to come on here & suggest you look for a Mon - Fri lodger too.

There are a few websites that specialise in them - google should bring them up. One is called something like Five days, another Monday to Friday, and spare room has a Mon-Fri section on it.*

Thank you for this

Just be clear and say you want a mature female lodger and do not permit overnight guests as you have young children. This is perfectly acceptable. Most lodgers are happy with their own room and access to the kitchen and bathroom only. Just give them a decent sized room that accommodates a chair as well as their bed.

Trainee teachers, exchange teachers, language assistants - all dbs checked and often looking for accommodation. Hospitals likewise re trainees.

Trainee teachers, exchange teachers, language assistants - all dbs checked and often looking for accommodation. Hospitals likewise re trainees.

Where do I find them though ?

Monday to Friday lets are popular in cities or places where people work freelance, as they typically suit professionals who have their own family home but need a base near work. You'd need to lower the rent accordingly.
Adult international students are a good option to, and you can advertise through universities often. International students are more likely to want to lodge in a family home if they are entirely new to the country and feel this brings added safety, particularly relevant for some families who won't fund their child living with a group of single young people.
Definitely set out your wishes in your advert - spareroom is good for this. If you don't get much interest you can always decide later what you might consider compromising on.

Whilst you'll want to protect your family you do need to consider that for the person lodging (maybe with the exception of mon-fri lets) itl be their home while they live with you. If they're paying rent its reasonable for them to have a friend pop over occasionally and to use facilities in the house without feeling like a second class citizen (eg access to the kitchen)

One other option you might want to consider is if your council has a 'shared lives ' scheme. Its not for everyone, but it is essentially lodging for people with learning disabilities or mental health needs or an older adult. Its basically like being a long term foster carer for adults, though the level of care required is matched with the carer - there's a big difference between providing some company, meals and social support to an active 75 year old compared to supporting someone with a fluctuating mental health condition. The expectation is that the care is largely sharing your life with someone who would be isolated and isn't likely to manage living on their own but equally doesn't need residential care.