How involved are/were your family during pregnancy?

[Cranberri]

Mum and Dad have been great. I have a sister who hasn't contacted me once however we don't speak much anyway. Very close to my brothers. Have hardly heard off either of them. No texts to ask how I am, I always have to contact them first. We live fairly far from each other but neither have made an effort to visit in the 6 months they've known I'm pregnant. I've had to drive to them. I've had to try and make plans. I've seen both of them once.

AIBU to feel a bit disappointed by this? I don't make a big deal out of my pregnancy but it's almost like my siblings just aren't that bothered. I had some real complications that they are all aware of but again, nothing much in the way of contact. Maybe pregnancy emotions getting in the way of my clarity do please tell me if I'm expecting too much...

I think I'm just realising that it's going to be tough living 200 miles from my family and am feeling quite down about it. Very envious of folks who have family round the corner...

Not a single one of mine was remotely interested. Not sure why they would be? It’s fairly boring to everyone else and nothing much happens. I’m sure if you see them they might reference it but not really sure why people should text? Thinking about it, even in communications with my sister and sisters in law we spoke often via text and messenger whilst all pregnant but never really discussed each other’s pregnancies unless they bought something up themselves.

In laws relatively interested (third grandchild) my parents/brother very interested since we're close anyway and it was their first grandchild/niece. Also me and DD's dad ended up breaking up so they had to give me a lot of support.

You're not being unreasonable for expecting more interest - however for some people pregnancy is just very boring! It may change when the baby is born, don't worry. If it's really getting to you maybe mention it!

Also I would be upset if I hadn't heard off my brother too, so if you're unreasonable then so was I!

I think it's more a case of them knowing the pregnancy has been complicated and just not bothering to contact me at all. There was a point where I really thought I was going to have to tfmr after 24 weeks, they both knew this and still no contact.

Maybe IABU I guess I just expected more from my brothers.

Most of my family were not interested but to be fair I wouldn’t be massively interested in their pregnancy. I prefer seeing the baby at the end

Tbh I wasn’t really expecting them to be “involved”.

They were pretty interested in the babies once they had arrived though.

I... don't really see what there was for them to be involved... with?

I told them. They were happy for me. They asked me how I was in the usual way when we saw each other. They were happy when the baby was born. Apart from my PILs, who had my oldest while I was in hospital for the birth, I didn't really expect anything else from them.

It’s your pregnancy though, and that is often personal even private for some, expecting people to be involved in it is unrealistic. Perhaps to ask how you are is more likely? Involved... no.

What sort of involvement do you want?

Sorry things have been tough for you but I wonder if you’ve got slightly unrealistic expectations about how interested everyone else should be by your pregnancy.

I dunno. If my sister was pregnant and I knew she had had complications etc, even if she hadn't I might've text her once in a while. I haven't heard from my brothers once! Maybe involved was the wrong word. A bit of concern or at least display of caring would have been nice. A text occasionally. As I said maybe I expected too much!

Not remotely, and I had 6 pregnancies (2 miscarriages) no sibling contact although my Mum came to stay for a few days after the first child (also 200 miles away). You will be fine. Gather your own support network with friends and other mothers. If you go to NCT you will find at least on person you relate to having a baby at a similar time. Good support. Find a friend you can pole round for a coffee with at short notice, invaluable esp if another mother. Family isnt always the best support anyway

I had a difficult first pregnancy, living 400 miles from my mum/brother and about the same distance from the in-laws. Didn’t see them any more than we normally would have, although my mother in law came to stay with us the week before my due date, mainly so she could look after the animals when things kicked off. Didn’t bother me too much when I was pregnant tbh, however I found adjusting to being a mum very difficult and we ended up moving closer to our folks when our son was 3 months as my husband got offered a promotion down our way anyway, so that all worked out.
I’m not sure I’d have wanted to have seen them any more than normal whilst I was pregnant though, I find my family hard work at the best of times, never mind when I was feeling like crap 😂

I was also about 200 miles from my family and, thinking about it, they weren't particularly interested, but why on earth should they be . I have absolutely no interest in anyone else's pregnancy, I wasn't even interested in my own, found it tedious and dull. I know this will sound harsh for anyone who sadly struggles to get pregnant but not everyone finds pregnancy, childbirth and being a parent the most interesting part of their life.

Yeah I guess it's the distance that's the issue here. As I don't see my family often, if they don't text, I literally don't hear from them in months. I haven't really for the past 6 anyway!

I genuinely thought that when people were having a tough time that their families pulled together and helped them through! I have done for my brothers in the past when they've been unwell, had break ups etc.

It is in my nature. Maybe it's just not in theirs.

So people are honestly saying that if they told their brother at 26 weeks that they might have to tfmr which would involve giving birth to the baby, and they then didn't contact them after (probably for 4 weeks in which time I didn't update them) they wouldn't be a bit miffed?

Totally fine if the answer is no. I'm getting the feeling I need to accept that I'm expecting too much. Thanks for being honest at least I know my family are normal lol.

Nobody was remotely interested to be honest with either pregnancy, even less so with the second. With my second my in laws never contacted me during pregnancy or even ask my husband when they spoke to him!! My brother didn't even meet his nephew until he was about 4 months old (he lives around the corner from us!!) and even then it was only coincidence he was at my parents house at the same time.

My parents and sister didn't really keep asking how I was either, but then again it'd annoy me if they did, I'd much rather just get on with it and I didn't share details of every single scan/appointment.

Maybe your expectations are a little high, other people's pregnancies aren't all that interesting really.

I think you have overly high expectations. I don’t recall any interest at all apart from a “That’s nice” when I told them. Then again why would they be? It’s not exactly anything unusual or an illness, is it?

My family had a bit more contact than was usual for us. Not a huge amount, but a bit. OP YANBU to be disappointed that your family don't seem to be that bothered about you when you could do with their love and support.

You're not being unreasonable, especially if it's been a difficult pregnancy! Let your brothers know how you're feeling, they will probably kick themselves. Even if it's just a text to say 'how are you feeling', when you're pregnant and hormonal it will help

@CherryPavlova sorry I know I didn't add to the original post. It's not an illness no but when we thought we were going to tfmr it was as good as.

I accept that IABU however as that is the general consensus!

Nobody 'has' to tfmr.

Don’t apologise to me, everyone is different but my experience is siblings aren’t overly interested.

@SadMummy85 your comment is a bit unnecessary. And irrelevant.