How involved are/were your family during pregnancy?

[Cranberri]

Mum and Dad have been great. I have a sister who hasn't contacted me once however we don't speak much anyway. Very close to my brothers. Have hardly heard off either of them. No texts to ask how I am, I always have to contact them first. We live fairly far from each other but neither have made an effort to visit in the 6 months they've known I'm pregnant. I've had to drive to them. I've had to try and make plans. I've seen both of them once.

AIBU to feel a bit disappointed by this? I don't make a big deal out of my pregnancy but it's almost like my siblings just aren't that bothered. I had some real complications that they are all aware of but again, nothing much in the way of contact. Maybe pregnancy emotions getting in the way of my clarity do please tell me if I'm expecting too much...

My siblings were interested, or at least pretended to be! I don't live near my parents but they rang me alot to check how I was (I was very sick while pregnant). My inlaws were all about the baby, I was just the inconvenient incubator.

I don’t think you are unreasonable. It sounds like you’ve had a rough time of it. I’d be deeply upset if I was having to consider a late termination and no-one had contacted you. This isn’t your run of the mill pregnancy aches and pains.

@Cranberri I don’t know your siblings circumstances, but maybe your brother is at an age/stage where he doesn’t understand the serverity of some pregnancy related issues (or even health issues for that matter) or doesn’t know what to say/how to act? a couple of years pre-pregnancy I very nearly died from sepsis, and my then 22 year old brother barely seemed to bat an eyelid, but from talking to him afterwards I know he was worried, same as when I miscarried at 18 weeks earlier this year, he just didn’t know what to say so didn’t really say anything and naively assumed it was “just one of those things”. Not sure if that is usual tbh, but some people just don’t really think about or know the severity of some situations or don’t know what to say or do so don’t say anything at all.

My family are 5000 miles away. Their support amounted to a few phone calls.

Just stating a fact.

Important to remember though, that even if you are being unreasonable, how you feel is still valid - and you can still expect a few texts here and there.

In speak to my brother multiple times a week, he doesn't ask about my pregnancy though, I wouldn't expect him to unless he knew I was unwell. He did ask when our sex scan was and if we were finding out. SIL all the time but she's due for weeks before me so we compare notes a lot. Parents will ask how i am, but in all honesty I find it weird when people keep asking me how I am, how I'm feeling etc. I'm pregnant not disabled or terminally ill. I'm fine, like most women are. I'm working, socialising, currently on holiday where I've done a lot of hiking and climbing. If I'd been in and out of hospital they might ask a bit more, but then some people don't as it might be upsetting for you to talk about. Remember this pregnancy is only really a big thing for you and your partner

They were no more interested than anyone else I happen to know. My mum probably more interest but nothing major.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all to expect that your family might enquire as to how you are given you’ve had a complicated pregnancy. Doesn’t matter than pregnancy isn’t interesting for other people, you are their sibling and they should be concerned about how you’re doing.

Sometimes it takes something traumatic in our lives to realise who our real friends are. When one of my twins died and the other was in hospital for months we saw hide nor hair of DH’s siblings. They probably just didn’t know what to do or say to help but it really felt like they just didn’t give a shit.

We live 4 hours from my SIL and she's texts almost every day to ask about us and our DD, I would expect more

We live 4 hours from my SIL and she's texts almost every day to ask about us and our DD, I would expect more

Is your daughter born or are you still pregnant?

I don't think my siblings had any reaction really, they both live abroad. One of them has met my DS but only because she was in the area at the time and I think he was about 18 months old.
MIL on the other hand, absolutely obsessed, to the point of insanity.

I know which I'd pick but a happy medium would be nice!

@SadMummy85 well done 👍🏽

My mum couldn't cared less at the time. Dad doesn't really like babies but was overjoyed when she turned 3 and was 'a proper little person I can talk too'

I was just left to get on with it & I think I liked it that way, although my best friend was pregnant at the same time so we were always together so that was nice