To feel uncomfortable class TA has child in same year group.

[Rainbowturkey]

I just found that one of the school parents is he class TA this year, her child is in the year group she works in.
I don’t feel comfortable about this. Part of the reason is because my child has special needs and health problems, I don’t want a parent to be part any meetings held about my child. Also I feel it’s a conflict of interest and they should have put her in another year group.
AIBU to be unhappy?

Pretty much every teacher in our school has a child in the school. I see it as a good thing as they are personally invested in the school and it being a success. My child has been in a year group where the teacher was Parent to one of the kids in the year and it was completely fine. The kids and parents all knew when to talk to her as x’s Mum or as the teacher.

Staff are usually kept separate from their own child(ren) for obvious reasons. Expecting a member of staff to be kept out of a year group because they happen to have a child in the year is unreasonable. There's just not the staff to do that as a matter of procedure.

We have lots of children's parents who are staff at our school. It's a workplace. People are generally very professional.

That said, I know what you mean about gossip. Sometimes people can't help themselves. E.g. The only time I've been a bit irritated is when there was reason to believe something a friend said in the staff room (perfectly reasonable but a staff to staff conversation) had somehow ended up being passed on. We realised that a member of support staff was clearly being a mole and a gossip. That sort of thing happens rarely but it does make you feel a bit like some people lack professionalism.

Honestly, i'd work to the principle that the vast majorty of staff are professional and wouldnt gossip but if you see or hear anything untoward then absolutely make an appointment to speak to the head/deputy.

I think it's a valid concern.

Most TAs probably are professionals who keep things confidential but there are bound to be some who don't.

I don't suppose there's anything you can do other than be aware in case you do find out there's a issue

Given that there are health issues and additional needs at play I think it's healthy to be cautious. There are professional TA's and then there are some mums who openly admit to only doing it in order to get inside information on their child, the school, the teachers, and the other children. Do you have a feel for which type of person the mum in question is?

In my son's class last year there was a serious incident between the son of a TA and another child. The TA mum abused her position in the school to obtain information she had no right to and was subsequently aaked to leave/resign. Separately another TA approached me about a child in the class who had additional needs, asking for gossip on the pretence of concern.

I'd keep an eye on the situation quietly and if your concerns appear validated at any point, go straight to the head.

Personally not a problem. My dd has a friend in her class whos mum is the TA.
No probs.

I used to work in a school and its strict protocol not to discus these things anyway c

Another person taught by their Dad here. I was 6. It took me a day to get the hang of calling him Sir or Mr Cat instead of Dad in classroom, but we all know how bloody cruel school bullies can be so believe me I learned quickly.

No favoritism was even a possibility with parents like you about anyway, as I was always deliberately shoved to the back just in case I was allowed to shine - due to having a parent as a teacher throughout my primary years. Isn't that just lovely?

Many years ago at my son's school the Headteacher's son was always chosen to do the extra special things such as be in a local newspaper on behalf the school or, give a gift to a visiting famous person.

Rather daft of his Dad the Headteacher I always thought.

The other thing is it just feels weird as a SEN parent where you go into school and have so many meetings where your private life is discussed at length (as home and school blur so much with Sen) and I hate that invasion or privacy that other non Sen parents don't get. It's even weirder when a peers parent is also in some way involved, be it seeing it in the classroom, overhearing conversations in the staff room whatever. They could be completely professional but it doesn't make it any easier for anyone. The TA might feel real uncomfortable too. With Sen I feel our world has become very small as so few people understand, or accept. Blurred lines make it even harder.

Sorry but yes YABU.

My school offered huge stafg discount perks so all the staffs daughters schooled along side us.

Wasnt an issue really. If anything their parents gave them a harder time. Over compensating as to not to be seen to favourite their own offspring.

@Mosaic123 i imagine some of this was to do with parental concent for photos in paper etc. Easier as his parent was there to give it etc maybe.

Just a thought...

Notquiteagandt
One of my colleague's children was in my class and they went through a phase of being a PITA. Colleague and I are friends at work. They'd joke that they'd have to make an effort not to keep asking how their DC was because they said it would be unfair on the child. Their logic was that if I needed to pass anything on then I would, but it wouldn't be fair on their child having every minor indiscretion relayed to their mum when for most kids it would be dealt with in school.
I tend to find that if anything teaching students whose parents work at school is awkward a bit because I don't want them to miss out on opportunities but equally I don't want people to think I've only given them an opportunity becUse their mum or dad works at school.

It completely depends on the person.

I've had TAs who wouldn't dream of being unprofessional and discussing other children, but I've had some who literally gossip about everything, with other teachers too.

DS' Year 3 teacher had a child in the same class and that child was picked to do everything. He was on every school council type board, in every newspaper photo involving the school, in every sports team and holding the ball in every picture. He was also chosen for individual class privileges, won the class "points" award every month and the overall achievement prize. It was foul - it can happen.

Dsis teaches in a primary where all her DC are at.

Would be hard to avoid her own DC. They have all learned not to call out 'mum' when putting up their hands.

Dd’s School nurse is someone we know socially. She now has a detailed accounting of my dd’s medical condition. It happens. I’ve decided to look at it as a positive.

When my dad was a teacher, he had all of his younger siblings as students. He was much older than them and it was a small town with no other options.

It probably cannot be avoided. You could ask that only certain teachers and maybe some other people are involved in decisions about your DC.

I agree with people who say that the TA is a professional and you need to regard her as such. It's highly unlikely she would risk her job by disclosing confidential information.

Unfortunately one of the TA's at DS's school, who had a child in his class, wasn't such a professional. She was in my son's class temporarily and another mum told me that the TA had told her about my son's ASD / Asperger's diagnosis. She told me this in a pub, on a night out with some of the other Year 5 mums.

DS's had chosen not to tell his friends about his diagnosis. I had to prepare him for the possibility that other children might know - which they did because one of them had overheard adults talking. Within a couple of weeks the whole village knew. Some of the responses were very positive, some were very pitying. There was one child who simply stopped playing with DS completely. We had a hard few weeks.

YABU, my grandmother was my nursery teacher, lots of my friends and their parents didn't even know until later on. Friends of mine who were taught by her still call her Mrs Teachername though, regardless of how often she has said call me first name.

Not a TA but i work in a school with my youngest now (others have come and gone!). I have no conflict of interest mainly because I don't allow it - anything that vaguely involves my child automatically gets handed to a colleague and I don't want to know anything they wouldn't ring me to tell me!

If I have to deal with a parent I know I either deal with them without any mention of my child or my knowledge of theirs previously, or again I hand it to a colleague to make the call/meeting. Most parents are happy with the dispassionate approach but if I even suspect they might try to be my friend I'm out of there! I'd certainly never discuss anything about a student/parent with anyone else - but that's a basic part of my role regardless of whether or not I know them.

I've taught both DDs in secondary school - DD1 for 3 years, DD2 for 1. I'm firm about boundaries with their friends so outside school I'm happy for first name only, but strangely they always call me Mrs Malbecfan, the same as in school. DDs both got used to it VERY quickly! Like other some other posters, I was pretty careful not to show any favouritism to either and was probably more strict with them than their peers.

To the OP, it depends on the size of the school and in my case, the number of subject teachers for that subject (only 1 or 2). In a primary school, I would think that TAs could move between year groups if there is likely to be a conflict of interest. Monitor it and give it a few weeks. If all is going well, leave it. If not, ask for a change, but definitely wait and see first.