To avoid visiting my friend who boasts about her "advanced" talker when my DD isn't so great at it?

[allovertheplace]

My friend's dd is nine months younger, (aged 2) than my DD and is talking like a 3 year old while my DD is, I reckon, about average or slightly below, for her age, (using short sentences that we understand with some words being very clear and others a bit harder to understand). My friend has remarked that she "couldn't understand a word" my dd was saying and asked me why her speech was so bad! Every visit leaves me feeling like a hopeless mum and feeling uber protective of my darling DD who is actually a very intelligent and entertaining child.

Perhaps I'm being over-sensitive but my friend is coming across as being very smug and it's making it harder and harder to visit. I'm wondering if I should point out how hurtful some of the comments are or just leave it and continue avoiding her for a bit. I wouldn't say we were ever best friends but we did get on really well before she joined the "mummy club" but now I'm finding I'm avoiding her as much as possible as every visit feels like I'm being expected to worship at the altar of this remarkably clever child!

Thanks for taking the time to read this - feel so much better for having had a bit of a rant.

Your dd sounds utterly utterly gorgeous and adorable - and what on earth could be better? Your poor friend, that she can't simply enjoy her own dd in a relaxed way without making it into a (totally spurious) competition.

DS was a ludicrously early talker - clear speech and v complex. But he wouldn't eat, sit still, sleep....and now he has settled down at 5 and achieved those life-saving (I'm talking me, not him!!) basics, he is absolutely no more or less 'advanced' than his school contemporaries. Not a jot.

That's v interesting Blu. When my dd was diagnosed with her speech difficulty, I had people saying "are you worried she'll have a low IQ?" - which I hadn't been until I heard that!

Hi again,

I must say, I'm feeling very humbled at reading over these responses again and reading the latest ones, especially those of you whose LOs had difficulties of their own. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I'm much reassured that it will all come out in the wash. My DH and I can see just how bright my dd is and every day she surprises us with new words and phrases, which we can clearly understand since we know the consonants she has problems with.

Thanks again - it's been so enlightening and reassuring.

hmm, have to admit that I am drifting away from a friend whos dd (3 mths younger than my ds) eats everything and in great quantities while my ds has a repertoire of about 4 different foods and refuses anything new. She can't help saying "oh, isn't he going to eat anything?" and offering suggestions that Of Course I Haven't Tried GRRRR. tbh life is full of occasions that make you feel less adequate than you want to, so why go looking for them?

...of course being the bigger person is great and if you can manage it then I bow to your far superior parent-managing-skills!

Remind them that Einstein didn't start talking till he was three

I needed speech therapy for over a year when I was little. It's had no bearing on my intelligence as far I as can tell. I've done reasonably well professionally and am university educated. There isn't much of a correlation between early/late speech and intelligence so ignore your "friend" and enjoy your time with your rather adorable sounding little girl.

marie you do not know how glad I am to see you type that

my nephew could hardly talk when he went to school at nearly 5 and he's just doing his A levels now so I think your "friend" is talking out of her bottom and being extremely insensitive.

She will have her come uppance when her DD is still in nappies when she goes to cschool or something like that and she realises that each child is an individual who does things in their own time.

allover: see this link
You will see how many speech things children are not expected to get correctly until they are actually 5! And that by 3, most children are only about 75% intelligible.

Kitbit - your friend sounds like my friend! The speech thing isn't the only thing she's claimed this younger child is better at. My DH and I have started to joke about it recently. When my DD asked where this child was, (she's going through a phase of asking where every person she knows in the world is), DH replied, "she's filling out her application form for Oxford University... at her own house"

Happily, no-one else I know is like this. Sure, they're all proud of their LOs little achievements but in a much more healthy way, which I'm only to happy to join in with.

I have reduced contact with this person but now feel ready to deal with any such future boasting sessions on the odd occasion that we do get together, since my dd does love her dd and loves playing with her, so I wouldn't want to deny her that completely. I actually feel like I've got the upper hand now, thanks to this conversation.

Cheers again everybody

You´re not alone allover, my ds will be 5 in October and he is only just getting to grips with certain sounds. He can pronounce all the sounds of the alphabet it´s just that he really has to concentrate with certain ones. A person I know who has a child 9 months younger than my son is constantly going on about what a wonderful talker she is/always has been and although it´s not really directed at me I sometimes wonder

I was most heartened to find the Caroline Bowen website and certain others and am now not as remotely worried as I used to be as my ds is normal.

If I was you I´d mention how you feel and explain to her that not every child has the same development milestones.

LOL at university application!
I know it's really hard isn't it. The same friend also used to make "helpful" suggestions when ds couldn't get himself to sleep at night and needed rocking or walking in the buggy - just a phase but lots of "can't you just..."s were said and she kept saying how she didn´t understand it as her dd went to sleep perfectly well every night all by herself... (grr! yes thank you I KNOW!)

I refrained from pointing out that ds was walking at 10 months and her dd was 18months before she did "no hands".

oh, also worth pointing out that kids who talk later often come out with more completely formed words when they do start, skipping a bit of the babbling stage. ds often comes out with a word I know I haven't said for weeks (place names etc) so it is true that they are spending the time listening and it is not time wasted in delay.

Brilliant that you are feeling OK about it all!

LOL allover about university application form, this person´s dd that I know will be joining them I´m sure Have now read most of this post and your dd sounds gorgeous.

I think I'd just casually say my daughter was toilet trained at 1yr or something and watch her grind her teeth in frustation.

It's not a race - bar children with SNs, they're generally walking/talking/toilet trained by the time they start nursery.