To avoid visiting my friend who boasts about her "advanced" talker when my DD isn't so great at it?

[allovertheplace]

My friend's dd is nine months younger, (aged 2) than my DD and is talking like a 3 year old while my DD is, I reckon, about average or slightly below, for her age, (using short sentences that we understand with some words being very clear and others a bit harder to understand). My friend has remarked that she "couldn't understand a word" my dd was saying and asked me why her speech was so bad! Every visit leaves me feeling like a hopeless mum and feeling uber protective of my darling DD who is actually a very intelligent and entertaining child.

Perhaps I'm being over-sensitive but my friend is coming across as being very smug and it's making it harder and harder to visit. I'm wondering if I should point out how hurtful some of the comments are or just leave it and continue avoiding her for a bit. I wouldn't say we were ever best friends but we did get on really well before she joined the "mummy club" but now I'm finding I'm avoiding her as much as possible as every visit feels like I'm being expected to worship at the altar of this remarkably clever child!

Thanks for taking the time to read this - feel so much better for having had a bit of a rant.

And the first thing he said was "mother, this soup is too cold!" When asked why he hadn't spoken before, he said "There was no need until now!"

DS1 spiojke late ( as I mentioned below) but his firs word was "Trains" so I'll reseve judgement on the genius tag for now, I think

But maybe Robert Louis Stevenson's first word was train!!! (sincerely hoping i have the right stephenson!!!, prepared to look a plonker here). My DD's first word was "woof". She was talking to her black and hairy brother!

I wouldn't consider this person a friend.

Anyone who has to feel better about themselves by putting down a child has some ishoos.

I'd let her fade away, just not contact her anymore.

But if she contacted me, I'd tell her the truth, that I didn't want to hang out with her anymore because I feel like she puts down my kids and I don't think that's cool.

Put a bit of spin on the situation. All of us are good at deciphering our own lo's speech. But maybe you are phenomenly good at understanding other children whereas she's crap at understanding anyone other than her pfb.

Who really cares anyway. When children are older noone gives a damn who was the first speaker/walker etc. Soon it'll be a distant memory.

My ds1 spoke really early. My ds2 spoke really late. It bears no relevence in intelligence or indeed upbringing imo. I'd carry on seeing her if I were you. That way when she realises what a jumped up arse she's been, you'll be there to witness it.

Chin up, you're lo sounds like she's doing just fine.

Aw, bless you all. I'm having a right laugh here at some of the anecdotes you've left and joining with those of you who've experienced the same sort of stuff in wanting to sort these mothers out!
Pride most definitely comes before a fall and I kinda like the idea of being around to see it. Not for the opportunity to be smug, you understand, but to be able to make the appropriate supportive comments........

Lauriefairycake - regarding that your "friend" said to you about your weight, that's not what a friend does. If a friend ever said that about me, I would be very upset and tell them so. A friend is supposed to be supportive and kind.

There are soooo many mums like this it really isn't worth worrying about all my lo's have spoken very well (mainly due to the fact that i talk to them incessantly!) from around 2 but DS2 didn't walk til he was about 15 months and i had people left right and centre asking what was wrong with him but he's 2.5 now and is normal in all areas. DS3 is now 13 months and isn't walking yet so i am now getting all the 'helpful' comments again - joy of joys . can't say it really bothers me too much as i know they all develop at different stages. You should concentrate on your child and not other opinions as long as you know she is happy and healthy then bollocks to all the rest

unfortunatly you do find people who enjoy having their children play with children who may be less advanced in someway to their child just so they can comment on how wonderful their child is compared to yours etc etc, tbh you'll probably find this woman is doing this to other people aswell.

It sounds like your DD is doing fine everyone understands their own children more than anyone elses, just find something your child can do better than hers and maybe slip the occasional comment in - or if your feeling particuarily mean when her child speaks just keep saying 'sorry what was that i didn't understand you' and then say to her mother 'oh i'm not understanding her as much as i used to is her speech going backwards?'

I could not be doing with a friend like her. Thankfully I am yet to meet a competitive mother type.

DS1 talked [mama/ dadda]by 10 months,and able to have a nice chat by 18 months. DS2 was a very late talker, to the point I went to the HV and asked for help, he was 3 before you could get anything that you could understand.

All children are NOT the same.
I think your friend needs to be a little less thoughtless.

I think your friend is just being a bit competitive. Children's speach varies from child to child. My DS nearly 6 had an amazing vocab at 2 1/2 but DD's was not as good. I think it just depends on the child and also I probably spent more time with first child reading etc and you don't have as much time with the second. I had a friend whose DS was 19 weeks older than mine and all she ever did was make comparisons. My Ds is bigger than yours, my ds can do this or that. My DH got so fed up with her comparing that he then referred to her DS as Einstein!!
I know it can be annoying but maybe if you value her friendship you could tell her that when she points out how bad your DD speech is it annoys and upsets you. Your DD sounds to me like a normal child of her age. Why not ask her if she has had her DC's IQ tested! LOL!!

Hi I think if it is at all possible you should try and feel a little bit sorry for her. How sad to feel so insignificant that you are desperately trying to attach some sense of super-ability to your child. I have a very very bright oldest boy who is also extremely good looking and really charming too. I think there was some dreadful mix up in the delivery room. My second boy is profoundly autistic and has a smaller vocab than his 4 year old sister. Most strangers cannot understand what he says and if they can they have no idea what he is on about. I have no direct responsibility for either outcome. If it is genes then presumeably it is all thanks to my parents and beyond. If it is enviroment then I am both a fabulous mother and a negligent cow.
I only ever take pride in my kids for things that are learntthrough example - like manners.
FWIW you could also feel a little sorry for her offspring if her happiness is going to depend on a super bright child. Why do people never glory in the absoloute joy of an average child - bliss!

It IS hard when some parents choose to believe their children are really very advanced. My DS is a smashing boy and he was the last to to reach every milestone in his NCT group. Apart from his teeth. He was VERY advanced in that area.

I just used to say he was a bit thick. He might be, I've no idea but it's far too early to tell. I refuse to subscribe to this mentality.

Ignore and avoid this silly woman. Or have a laugh, lay it on thick and really ooooh and aaaah at her DD.

And anyway, it's just performing monkey stuff at this age. My children were both very early talkers and late walkers. The early talking said absolutely nothing about their intelligence or lack of it - it was just a "trick" they could do. I suspect it may also have had something about their lucky lack of any of the passing speech impediments that most children have, and which can make them harder to understand. Maybe they are all talking at 9 months, it's just that they havan't got the physical control to make themself understood, if you see what I mean.

Smile sweetly at her, and remember that in a couple of years time there is NO differnce between late, average or early talkers.

Thanks to all the recent posters. I'm overwhelmed by the support you've all shown and your understanding of how people, (surely without thinking) can make you start to doubt things. My DD is what the Baby Whisperer would call "textbook". She has reached every milestone exactly on the average spot, including walking. I've always thought, how cool to have a child who's hitting her milestones on time. She always says "please, (peas)" and "thank you, (hangoo)" and just today she said "hangoo much Mummy". I think her little speech wobbly bits are just the cutest thing. Yesterday she had her first lollipop which she called a "lickylol". Awwww - bless. Oh and she can sing in tune too,(oh there I go.... boasting).

Seriously though, there's nothing wrong with being proud of your children but there are ways of showing it that are easier to swallow than others! You've all helped me realise that quite nicely

Thanks again everyone!

I've had one freakishly early talker, one bang on average talker and one later than average talker. It all comes out in the wash by the time they're three or four, unless there is a diagnoseable problem. Neither dh nor I can get a word in edgeways, these days.

My son has been under the child development centre since he was 22 months old. He was late to walk and late to talk. In fact he is seeing the community paediatrian on Monday at he age of five and half years old.

My son has come on leaps and bounds since he was 22 months old. At 22 months old my son was crawling almost every where and had very little speech. He is now coming to end of reception and can read fluently. His maths is also coming on nicely and he has plenty of little friends.

His speech improved a lot when he had his adenoids removed and grommets inserted. Unfortunately the grommets fell out. His language skills improved again omce got issued with hearing aids.

As far as physical skills go, my son had 18 months of physio. At five years old he does gymnastics. He isn't very good, but he enjoys it. I am planning to take a photo to show our paediatrian.

I think you are better off finding different friends. Development is a journey rather than a race.

Your friend sounds very insensitive. If you do like her other than the comments I would tell her you would rather she didn't comment on dd speech you know it is not as advanced as her dd but they all catch up in the end.

BTW which they do!! DS1 spoke very early and now aged 3 he is exactly the same as his friends. Similarily he didn't walk until 15/16 months (late) and now runs, jumps, kicks etc with the best of them. Your friend sounds abit insecure to me if she has to keep mentioning this stuff to you.

I know how you feel Allovertheplace. I knew a mother with an advanced talker when my dd2 was around that age. Advanced Talker was always beautifully turned out in matching everything while mine was still wearing her breakfast on her face and odd socks, and had an official language delay of a year. (At 2 yrs 10 she was performing at 1 yr 10.)

I don't think the mother meant to make me feel bad, but I was less keen to see her and didn't keep in touch when they moved away. (She wasn't an old friend).

Despite the slow start in talking, dd2 did really well in KS1 SATS and has continued to perform well above average in KS2. She is not as academic as her older sister but has a wider range of interests and more "emotional intelligence".

Never too late to learn that everyone is differnet and we're all OK really. My DS is very talkative but not potty-trained yet (unlike all the other kids at playgroup).

bitty insensitive of ur friend - don't worry about it

I have an 11 month daughter and I have promised to myself to be very honest to my friends about our kids. I think that there is lots of insecure and unhappy people outthere trying to play it off against each other.

If I was you I would let her know where you stand regarding "development" issues.

You are not alone!

you are not being unreasonable. Asking why her speech is so bad is pretty terrible imo. God know sshe much understand how this would make you feel? so might be enjoying being one up, and that just is crap