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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Well done' on getting someone pregnant

51 replies

babybrain77 · 11/09/2018 11:31

I find it irrationally annoying when the response to telling someone that I am pregnant is for the person to turn to DH and say "Well done".

Well done for what? Having sex?

Perhaps the exhaustion and constant vomiting is affecting my judgement, but every time someone (always male!) does it I feel like losing it. AIBU?

OP posts:
JenBarber · 11/09/2018 11:33

He Hath Mighty Sperm and A Mighty Penis!

Maybe. I don't know.

Dumbass thing to say though.

Ilovefishcakes201 · 11/09/2018 11:47

I think it’s a joke, you finally found someone to actually have sex and children with you.

araiwa · 11/09/2018 11:59

Well done

ragged · 11/09/2018 12:01

Some families can't achieve that much. Come on, it's lighthearted, recognising he had a contribution, too. Do you want much more attention on yourself?

kaytee87 · 11/09/2018 12:05

I think it's just a not very funny joke.

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 12:07

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant. A comment like this would have made me angry!
Ugh.

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 12:09

recognising he had a contribution, too
Squirt squirt

Best go buy a hallmark card to acknowledge such an effort

kaytee87 · 11/09/2018 12:09

@sanssherif seriously, no one is thinking that. Unless they're 14....

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 12:13

It made me hide my bump for as long as possible. I hated being pregnant because of it.

Pamdoo · 11/09/2018 12:20

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant

Do people actually think like this?!

ragged · 11/09/2018 12:20

That's the funny thing, we are ashamed of sex but proud to announce pregnancy & delighted to announce a birth. Even though all linked together.

DebbysMum · 11/09/2018 12:20

What a bizarre non issue.

People say congratulations to expecting Mums as well even though they haven't actually done anything out of the ordinary. Are people also offended by that? Confused

Hotchocolate86 · 11/09/2018 12:21

I can honestly say I have never looked at a pregnant woman and thought ‘yeah she had sex’.

kaytee87 · 11/09/2018 12:23

It made me hide my bump for as long as possible. I hated being pregnant because of it

Then I'd gently suggest you may have issues surrounding sex as that's not a normal reaction.

ToftheB · 11/09/2018 12:28

As an adult in a loving relationship I'm not even slightly ashamed of having sex.

I also don't think people congratulating fathers to be are thinking of the moment of conception - more about the commitment they've made in bringing another life into the world. A sort of 'well done on getting your act together and becoming a grown up'.

Mrbatmun · 11/09/2018 12:30

A sort of 'well done on getting your act together and becoming a grown up'.

But women don't get this sort of congratulations?

Let's be honest, the man's contribution to a pregnancy is minimal. Once the baby is born is when they can prove their worth.

Racecardriver · 11/09/2018 12:31

@sanssherif but people can think that about married people, people in a relationship, pretty much everyobe over the age of 20, people with children and so on. I don't think they do though. The last thing that vibes to mind when I see pregnant women is sex-I am too busy thinking about babies!

SunnyCoco · 11/09/2018 12:31

I think I assume most adults are having sex, pregnant or not

AlwaysWantedToBeATenenbaum · 11/09/2018 12:32

I've never ever looked at a pregnant person and their other half and thought - oh they've had sex.
Can't believe any one would be embarrassed! How very British of you.

VickieCherry · 11/09/2018 12:32

Isn't the assumption that if you're married/in a long term relationship you're having sex? I mean, I know fine people aren't but generally, they are and that's totally normal. It's what humans do!

Mrbatmun · 11/09/2018 12:33

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant.

What, really? I know quite a few women (in their thirties) who have jokingly said that the person they were dreading telling the most was their dad because then they would know they had had sex. But the wider population? No.

And its not just when you are pregnant. Every time someone sees that you have a child they will know that you had sex Shock

SoyDora · 11/09/2018 12:33

On my third pregnancy and this has never happened to me! We generally just get ‘congratulations’!

VickieCherry · 11/09/2018 12:33

*some not fine! I swear I checked...

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 12:35

Ive got asd and had an abusive husband. To me, the idea of sharing a bed and having sex regularly feels weird and disgusting.
Just my standpoint as most dont think like me

blueskiesandforests · 11/09/2018 12:41

Actually almost any reaction to announcing a pregnancy is ridiculous if you think about it too much. Yet people have to say something.

I agree well done is fairly ludicrous, or potentially sarcastic! Really congratulations isn't much different though! Better than "it can happen to anyone" or various more negative things!

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