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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Well done' on getting someone pregnant

51 replies

babybrain77 · 11/09/2018 11:31

I find it irrationally annoying when the response to telling someone that I am pregnant is for the person to turn to DH and say "Well done".

Well done for what? Having sex?

Perhaps the exhaustion and constant vomiting is affecting my judgement, but every time someone (always male!) does it I feel like losing it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gersemi · 11/09/2018 12:44

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant.

WTF? What is shameful about having sex, sansherif? How would the human race exist without it? I promise you, I've never looked at a pregnant woman and thought "What a hussy, she must have had sex". You do realise that when you go into any public area, many of the people there have had sex within the last week, some of them several times?

Beautifulblue · 11/09/2018 12:45

I think it's a 'well done you can produce babies, how macho!' thing. Personally. My DP told me he always had a fear he wouldn't be able to father a child so he had a little 'I am so proud of my balls' moment when we found out I was pregnant. I would laugh at someone telling him well done, tbh.

JacquesHammer · 11/09/2018 12:48

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant. A comment like this would have made me angry

What on Earth is embarrassing or shameful about having sex Confused

60sname · 11/09/2018 12:50

OP I hear you on the pregnancy rage, but I think to most people saying it it's just a silly joke. obviously this doesn't apply if you have massive issues

JLG19 · 11/09/2018 12:54

I also think it's an odd thing to say, OP! But rather than annoying me, it just makes me laugh. My dad was a bit Confused when I pointed out that he just said 'well done' to my DP for having sex with his daughter Grin

olderthanyouthink · 11/09/2018 12:58

I feel uncomfortable when people congratulate me on being pregnant because I haven't really achieved anything out of the ordinary, in reality I failed because I tried to not get pregnant.

I might feel better about congratulations if the birth goes ok.

Dobbythesockelf · 11/09/2018 12:59

I think that it's a joke. Not a funny joke. A bit if a laddy joke but still meant in a light hearted way.
Oh and I've never seen a pregnant woman and thought "look at her, having sex with a man" I just presume most adults are having sex and have no interest in their sex lives. I look at pregnancy and think babies....

AynRandTheObjectivist · 11/09/2018 13:00

It's a joke that won't be to everyone's taste.

I personally found it funny, but I understand why others wouldn't. I wouldn't say it in case I misjudged the couple.

After I was pregnant, I remember someone messaging me to say: "Skype says you haven't been active for a while, but it's obviously wrong."

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2018 13:05

i wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant. A comment like this would have made me angry!
Ask the women pumped full of hormones every month, prodded and poked, have needles inserted to withdraw eggs, have it put back in and then wait on tenterhooks to see if it works and if not can they afford thousands more to try again. See how it's working for them knowing having sex isn't enough

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2018 13:08

OP it's either "dude, she actually had sex you??? " or "yeah man, your soldiers work!"

A simple "don't well done him, it only took him 3 minutes, it'll tKe me 9 months!"

Wispaismyfave · 11/09/2018 13:10

When I told my friend we were expecting again, only 9 months after the first she turned to my husband and said "you just can't keep it in your pants can you?!" We laughed! We had a few comments such as "bloody hell, again?" we didn't read anything into any comments, it was just joking about, as I'm sure people are with you and your partner op.

Cornettoninja · 11/09/2018 13:11

I had this from someone pretty high up ar work when I announced I was pregnant —off for a few months—.

He’s a bit nutty professor so it did make me smile Smile

newtlover · 11/09/2018 13:18

sansherif I'm really sorry you feel like that
people are right it's not the first thing that springs to mind when someone tells you they are pregnant, but I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought it....but, sex is normal and should be a positive part of a loving relationship. I don't thin your feelings are to do with asd so much as having been in an abusive relationship. I hope you're out of that now, and safe. You might be interested in doing the Freedom Programme which helps you understand abuse, but also helps you now what a normal, healthy relationship is like.
All good wishes to you.

SuckOnTHATRyan · 11/09/2018 13:21

Never had this. It is a bit odd, but yeah, so are many baby related things. I got a lot of well dones after I gave birth, even though the second dc was a planned section. I thought I should probably pass on the well dones to the surgeon and anaesthetist! Maybe they meant’, ‘well done for growing a human though, in which case, yeah, that was me Grin!

MrsStrowman · 11/09/2018 13:28

Someone said this to me, but I think before they realised what they'd actually said, because then looked a bit 'oh no what've I just said' , they're a friend though so I laughed and said I've achieved a few things, but I don't think I can take much credit for this one, it's just biology. Another male friend text me to say congratulations, you've not ruined your life, I replied I'm not sure about that yet, hopefully not if they don't have an attitude like yours, he messaged again saying not sure what else to say other than erm well done on the sex bit. But we have a very direct kind of friendship where we take the piss out of each other a lot. When I saw him he was genuinely pleased for us.
I think a lot of the time people don't know what to say. What do you say? Congratulations is a bit meaningless really.

MrsStrowman · 11/09/2018 13:29

*you've ruined your life

SerenDippitty · 11/09/2018 13:30

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'.

There is, it’s called IVF. Not as much fun and she’ll of a lot more expensive than having sex though.

JacquesHammer · 11/09/2018 13:32

There is, it’s called IVF. Not as much fun and she’ll of a lot more expensive than having sex though

Absolutely. Plus heart wrenching and comes with a raft of side effects.

Mulberry72 · 11/09/2018 13:35

I wish there was a way of making babies didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'. It's embarrassing, I hated it, felt so ashamed when pregnant

Adoption?

notacooldad · 11/09/2018 13:37

I wish there was a way of making babies which didn't involve sex because for the next 9 months everybody is just looking at you thinking 'yeah she had sex'
Bizzare!
If you think that surely it follows that when you introduce your children people will also know you've had sex.
Or maybe if you have a DP or DH people may reasonably assume you'll be having sex.
However in the real world no one give a toss if you do it don't!
MN gets more bonkers everyday.

Slarti · 11/09/2018 13:56

It's an ironic well done.

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 14:15

Yeah gersemi but strikes me as weird.
It just seems like something animals do, humans are more refined.
Obviously didnt intend to thread hijack but thats my own feeling. It is embarrassing, especially having to tell parents for instance.
Yes probably due to ex

Dobbythesockelf · 11/09/2018 14:16

But humans are animals...

sanssherif · 11/09/2018 14:17

And obviously ivf causes suffering. My post was nothing to do with that, it was figurative.

blueyacht · 11/09/2018 14:41

A sort of 'well done on getting your act together and becoming a grown up'

Ouch.