Did I miss the memo? Is this normal?

[user83389]

Wanted to get some views on here as I have had pretty mixed opinions IRL. My sons dad and I are not together. We have been separated for over 2 years now. It is DS 2nd birthday in January and I'm starting to think of birthday plans (as it's so close to Xmas)

I've found an activity he would love, and is also suitable for a 'birthday party' but because his birthday is on the weekend, I'm thinking of asking ex if he wants to be involved and invite other children from his side of the family along to save us doing 2 separate things for DS birthday and it would split the cost.

People I know are astounded by this, the fact that I'm asking him and involving him etc I think they just believe that separated parents can't be in the same room. Don't get me wrong, ex is by no means by best friend and I hate him for what he did and when we split up - but this is for our dc, so surely that overrules anything else?

Thoughts?

@Haireverywhere possibly. Although it took him ages to actually admit he was with her (even tho I found out via the text sent to me but meant for her way) and he NEVER talks about her even now. They've been together approx a year now. I would imagine that's probably what he does on his contact days, takes DS to her house, or to meet her or whatever but he doesn't say a word about her at all. If I mention her he will talk but nothing from him. I suppose at least then I'd know one way or the other if she was involved in DS life already 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@AFistfulofDolores1 you're a stronger person than I am! Or your ex is nicer than mine. Or both! Haha.

I'm surprisingly the youngest of my friend group which is quite funny actually. As I said they're all early-mid thirties with kids and 'perfect' loving husbands/long term boyfriends. It is hard having people who don't understand my situation cause they're not living it as friends! Thankfully my mum knows everything and she's supportive!

We had to break for a couple of years first, and then circumstances meant we needed to move back in. We're not necessarily "nice": we're just committed to working things through when they come up so that our kid can see what a loving and co-operative environment looks like, even if mum and dad aren't married.

It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

@AFistfulofDolores1 as long as it works for you!! Glad to know it's not just me 😳haha

Well for anyone who is interested I suggested it to ex today the joint party thing started to talk to him about it and he just said no! Nothing as to why, no reasons or anything - just no.

At least I asked! Lol guess it'll just be me then! 😂

What a shame. I am sorry.

I can't really say I'm surprised tbh. But at least I've done my bit and offered!!

Well you've shown yourself to be willing to cooperate and include. What a shame he's not willing / able to be as mature. Shame.

it's normo I think - my DS is 2 next week. ExDP and I separated when he was around 6 mo. ExDP is arriving on Thurs night and will leave on Monday - he's staying at my house, and we'll spend the whole weekend doing 'family' things to celebrate two years of DS' magnificence

We're very nice to each other, and will probably share a bottle of wine and watch TV together when DS is in bed.

We were very much more involved in one another's lives for the first year after our split, but he gaslights (not even sure if he's aware of it - in fact I know he isn't, it's compulsive and not his fault - he had a horrific upbringing and blocks out painful truths, both historic and recent) - and I had to disentangle a bit for my own MH.

Nevertheless, he loves DS, and we're committed to being kind, compassionate, supportive co-parents. DS is our first priority, always.

@TheSheepofWallSt well then your ex is a better man than mine! I didn't get a reason or anything. Just a 'no I don't think so'

Probably cause he's talked so much shit about me to his family he's terrified of us all being in the same room!

Maybe your friends could see this coming -- spidey senses. He doesn't have to give a reason I guess and when/ if you're both with new partners it might have been less desirable anyway.

At least you know and can make lovely plans yourself!