To lie and say I don't have the money?

[Biscottis]

So a bit of backstory, i live with my ex we separated 6 months ago. He’s moving out in December. We’ve agreed to go half on all the bills, but here’s my problem, the last 2-3 weeks I’ve been topping up the gas/elec because he doesn’t have any money. He spends all his money on his new girlfriend, clothes, eating out etc. She lives close to us and literally comes to our house and waits for him outside nearly everyday, that’s how I know he’s with her most of the time.

The last few days he’s been hinting that he hasn’t got any money, and telling me how broke he is etc. The gas needs to be topped up again soon, and I know I have to do it since I’m the only one with money.

I’m really tempted to tell him that i don’t have any money aswell, and that will force him to borrow money to top up the gas? Or is that childish?

I’m just tired of working and saving up money, whilst he just spends it like water and doesn’t worry about anything and just leaves me to deal with it all.

just tell him to go live with the woman he is now having sex with. That's how it works.

does she know what a prize catch he is?

Assuming you don't have children together?

You can't put up with this till December. Either get rid of him now - he can live with sponge off his new girlfriend - or tell him that if he doesn't pay his share the utilities will get shut off.

You can try- but is it a meter? If the power goes off- will
You cave before he does? Of course he should be- but if he doesn't then it's whoever caves first. I'd have some spare sitting ready. Then if he doesn't buy it. You can put it in the meter if you break first.

Yes. Buy a big jumper, lie and say you don't have the money. Get rid asap.

Just tell him he needs to pay and don't cave in. Spend your evenings and mornings at the sports centre, you can have a shower there and you'll be out of the house as well getting fit.

He's moving in with the new girlfriend, and they're waiting for her flat to be ready. I just laugh when I see her waiting outside our house for him, just think to myself this is the man you want. A irresponsible lazy man child, you have no idea what's coming love.

Wit regards to the rent, it's a council house so not expensive rent. It's direct debit, so they take it from his account when he gets paid, Sky and WiFi is also direct debit from his account. I always give him half each month.

It's just the gas and electric that's not debit, it's a meter, so pay as you go. There's less than £2 on as we speak. So I know it's gonna go soon.

I have two DDs under 7, so not putting gas on is not an option. To be honest, when it goes, I'm just gonna tell him I don't have any money and then he will have to borrow from mummy ( she lives 10 mins, and always gives him money)

You'd never guess he's a 30something man with two kids. So childish

Thanks to the PP who offered to do my laundry

If it was me I'd be taking the extra out of the money that you pay him next time. Stuff that!!

Are you keeping the house when he leaves? If so is there a reason it can't be transferred to you sooner?

If the power goes off- will
You cave before he does? Of course he should be- but if he doesn't then it's whoever caves first.

This is exactly how it is. Whoever caves first.

Can you suggest/tell him that you will deduct what he owes you for the gas and electricity from what you will pay him next month for the rent and other bills, and you will continue to do this every month going forward till he moves out?

Add up all the extra you pay and take it away from the last amount you give him for rent and bills before he leaves. That way he can’t retaliate.

Is he the father of your children?

I’d just tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore and he needs to move out now , can’t he go and live with his mother or stay wherever the gf is living now .

Yanbu. Tell him you cannot afford to subsidise his lifestyle and you need a different arrangement!

If you keep paying it, he will never have any money, will he? So he's happy for your DDs to suffer but he's counting on you not being willing to let this happen.

Tell him he pays his way (and pays you back for his share that you have already paid) or he moves out now.

What is the arrangement re. his food etc? Does he buy & cook his own?

Oh, just seen that you give him half towards the Sky and wifi. I don't know if that's more or less than he owes you for the gas / leccy but you must definitely stop giving him anything towards Sky + wifi until he has repaid what he owes you and his share going forwards.

If he can't afford it then he can cancel the Sky and just use Freeview.

I mean, gas and electric = essentials. Sky = luxury. If he can't afford it all then he needs to prioritise heating and lighting.

How pathetic.

Will he be paying maintanance when he moves out?

God thank pay him half for anything tell him your money is going on gas and electric.

If it was me I'd be taking the extra out of the money that you pay him next time. Stuff that!!

This!! Simple!

If he won't pay his share of the gas meter costs then stop giving him half of the Sky & wifi bill ! What's he going to do? He's being very selective about where his money goes and is not being fair.

Seriously, tell him to get out and stay at his Mum's or a friend's - it's still a long drag to Xmas.

Like others have said, deduct the extra your putting on from the money you give him for rent/sky etc....

On another note, is he not paying becuase he's never there? If his GF is waiting for him to come from work, are they out most nights?

Definitely reduce the amount you’re paying extra for g&e from the money from the bills.

Text or email him to confirm that you’ll transfer over £xxx as normal for your half of the rent but you have reduced the amount for sky & wifi by £xx amount to cover his share of the utilities which aren’t being paid.

I’d even send him two bank transfers,1 with rent as the detail and the other Sky & WiFi so it’s always clear you’re only reducing the money from that and he can’t argue you’re not paying the rent

If you can't afford to pay the gas and electric then cancel the sky!!! Essentials come before luxuries, surely?

How are you going to manage when he's moved out - will he continue to pay half the rent?

Sounds really hard op, I would do as others suggested, pay rent as an amount marked RENT and stop paying the sky bill until he's caught up with the gas and electric he owes you.

Buy the gas yourself then deduct it from what you would normally give him for Sky etc?

If they take bills DD just give him less towards them to account for the extra gas?