To put lock on kitchen cupboard or to just hide snacks?

[shuz1980]

We have recently had my dh's dd (15yo) come and live with us. We also have 2 dc. Since dsd has come to stay with us she is eating anything and everything. We cook home cooked meals every night and dsd has same size portion as me and dh. So dont think she's still hungry, she's either greedy or has a sweet tooth. She has eaten 7 penguin bars during the night that the next morning ive had none to put in dc's lunch boxes for school. The other night, we woke up to 3 empty biscuit packets in the bin. She had eaten 3 packets while we were sleeping. We bought a ben and jerrys ice cream for the family to share and she ate the whole tub on her own. She just keeps eating and eating. But she claims it's not her. Ive stopped buying biscuits but she's eating the stuff for the sandwiches, even down to eating all wraps or all the tuna/cheese. I cant understand why she's eating so much. We've spoke to all the children about it and tried not to single her out but it still keeps happening. What would you do? My dh thinks we should put a lock on the snack cupboard so we can monitor their eating and they can only have when they ask. Our shopping bill is soaring at the minute. I dont know what to do or how to deal with it. Any advice would be great

Also she will eat fruit as quick as we buy it. I bought strawberries, cherries and blueberries for a smoothie and when i came to make it all the fruit was gone. So its anything and everything she'll eat.

Teenagers eat a lot, but that does seem a bit excessive. That said, you should have been somewhat prepared for the soaring food bill no? You have an extra member of the family living with you.

It’s hard as she is denying she’s eating it, but maybe she’s anxious about the move and doesn’t want to rock the boat. I used to comfort eat a lot at that age. I think she probably needs some support and care, not locks on the fridge door. I think your dh is being U and lacking in empathy for his dd.

Children at that age DO eat alot - they need it - she clearly needs more at meal times - you can't measure it against what you eat - you are not in school full time or growing like she is.

Get one of those lockable fridge things if she really can't abide by the don't eat xyz as they are for sandwiches and just keep it all in there. Don't buy the unhealthy stuff if you don't want her eating it but do make sure there is plenty of fruit, bread, available sandwich fillings etc.

Hormones are also running riot and if she is influenced by social media eating a whole tub of B&J is seen as a badge of honour!!! Buy it the day you need it and that's that.

Also teach her how to make simple smaller meals - stuff like egg on toast or beans/hoops to fill a hole especially after school. I find kids this age do not eat properly through the school day for a range of reasons so are ready to eat anything in sight when they get home. A beans and toast snack till 7pm diner for e.g. is better than biscuit, crisps and bread and butter

I would stop buying sweet things like icecream, chocolate bars and stock up on some healthier but slightly boring /bland things to fill the cupboards. Definitely have a chat about healthy eating with all the children, Saying you are switching to some healthier items and you will still have treats from time to time. Bring out the sweet things occasionally but just buy enough for one each abs hand them out after a meal.
Alternatively give each person a tin/ Tupperware box and fill with 7 different mini treats which will be filled each week on Sunday night then up to each person wether them spin it out or eat them in one go. This could work well if other kids are used to items in packed lunch.

There may be a deeper issue with DD 15 - binge/ overeating. A sensitive chat with some indirect support book / website. Plenty of activities to boost self esteem ( one on one time, shopping.. write a note praising her for some things you admire about her which are not appearance / health related). She may be comfort eating...
or just simply doing that very teenage thing of eating you out of house and home!!

She does make her self smaller meals when she's hungry, pasta, beans on toast, cheese on toast, sandwich, fruit. She knows if she hungry she can make herself any food she wants, but don't go crazy with the snacks, be mindful of others and don't touch the things that are for packed lunches but she doesn't listen but then she's denying it's her.

I think the idea about mini meals is good egg on toast or Panini grill much much better than an unhealthy sugary quick fix!

I like selly’s ideas of just not buying sweet stuff regularly. Switch for blander, not prepackaged, healthier snacks for the whole family. Keep sweet things as treats and hand one each to each person as selly says. Then there’s no arguing about who ate what. Healthier for everyone too (need to take my own advice and do this for my family btw)!

how old are your others?...I got sick of being the Bad Fairy with crisps and biscuits/lollies and suchlike in the summer holidays when mine were smaller, so I ended up putting a big list on the fridge of what there was and when I would be buying more. Worked it all out so there was something nice every day, a couple of spares for chums/just because
Put it all in a giant basket on top of the fridge with another note on top!

If everything was gone in three days then too bad...no treats till a week on Wednesday, they were excellent at policing one another, and then self regulating. So that worked for us.

7 penguins in one go and 3 packs of biscuits overnight is extreme even for normal teenage human dustbin behaviour and I have 3 of them!

I would suggest that she is binge eating perhaps due to her change in living circumstances?

Can you have a non confrontational talk with her about emotions and comfort eating, without getting her to admit she's doing it as she won't want to.

Could you get her a tupperware box with snacks for the week inside and tell her those are hers and that's all? Not sure if you have much younger DC so it will be acceptable to differentiate for her? Obviously if your other DC are similar age, they won't have it if she has a box and they don't!

Why has she come to live with you? The answer probably lies there.

Has she had access to treat foods before, or is she learning to regulate herself?
Has she lived full time with siblings before, or is it her first time having to share things 24/7 ?

I'm sorry but no one needs to eat 3 packets of biscuits in a single night. That isn't hunger more likely boredom. I would say you have to ask before you take to all the children. Don't say no a lot but if she asks fora penguin after tea for example say yes you can have 2, then if they still want it's fruit or nothing. Also be mindful if she had to come live with you suddenly it could be emotional eating.

I would keep an eye on her to check for any other signs of an eating disorder this sounds a lot like bingeing which can be dangerous and she is at a sensitive age and recently gone through a big change
Things to look out for solitary eating ,marks on knuckles that may indercate purging short term flucations in weight avoiding eating in public and bad teeth .

It’s been suggested here before about getting a lock box in the fridge for the lunch things.
Could you make extra at dinner and put leftovers in the fridge? So there is something filling that is grabbable late at night that won’t mess up the next days meal plans.

My other children are 11 and 4. They are both really good when it comes to knowing how many snacks they can have, youngest cant reach the cupboard and he's happy with a bowl of nuts rather than a chocolate or crisps and eldest will be happy with just a bag of crisps. Ive just tidied dsd's room and found 3 empty crisps packs, 4 bounty wrappers, 2 penguin bars wrappers in her bin. And that was emptied Sunday. I dont even know where the bountys have come from, she must of bought them with her pocket money. At first i put it down to her not having as much at her mums but bow think its way to excessive to still be eating like this after almost 2 months of been here. I like the idea of giving all the children a lunch box with seven snacks in for the week and leaving it to them when they choose to eat them. Im definitely starting that today. So thanks for that idea.

When I ate like that as a fifteen year old I was in the grip of bulimia.

Oh bless her, I don’t think she’s very well just now. I don’t think locks are going to solve this op.

I always make extra dinner and put it in a tub in the fridge, and there is always a healthier alternative to crisps/sweets. She's come from being an only child at home to suddenly having 2 siblings. I don't think she had a cupboard full of sweets/treats at home so maybe she is just being a kid in a candy shop.

sure it's no the 11 y old?
or both?
My (just turned) 12y old has been eating like its going out of fashion for the last 3 months

that last sentence didn't make any sense...haven't had my coffee yet.

Are you sure she’s not bulimic? My sister at that age would get through piles of snacks, but she was throwing up afterwards. It sounds more like a binge to me than just being greedy or bored.

It’s her age, teenagers need to eat a lot because her baby st is in go-go mode

She was a healthy size when she came, you can really tell she's putting weight on. I don't want her to start taking drastic measures to lose the weight when she realises nor do i want her to carry on snd get to a unhealthy weight. I understand the odd binge, we can all over indulge but we dont do it daily so its not like she's seeing us or or siblings to it so thinking thats just how we eat. Im trying to be so sensitive about it as know its difficult moving homes but just dont know how to approach it.

But why has she come to live with you?

You sound quite judge - are you happy to have her there?
It's not about food, it's about emotions.

(probably)