To want to curl up into a ball and die every time she does this?!

[milkytea]

I met OH when I was 19, and I was already pregnant. DD is now 4 and since the beginning we've been very open about him not being her bio dad but loving her just like a real dad.

My problem is with MIL. Don't get me wrong, I love her alot, she's an amazing grandmother and we get on so well. But anytime we bump into somebody she knows and I havent met them before, she will tell them EVERYTHING. It normally goes something like:

This is my DS [OHs name], his girlfriend [me] and this is their DD [DD name]. Yes I didn't expect it either! They met when she was already pregnant and he's taken on the roll of daddy!

AIBU thinking this is just unnecessary?? I feel like curling into a ball and dying of embarrassment every time she does it. The looks I normally get. It's making me so anxious when we go out with her. Going out with her later and I'm dreading it!

Ok the weird bottles are just meant to say (oh name) (my name) (DD name)

Yeh it’s completely unnecessary, maybe she’s proud of your DP? I would speak to her and tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Ask her not to do it?

I think it's a bit clumsy but I agree with PP that she may just be proud of her son for stepping up and treating your DD as if she were his own. As you said, you are quite open about the fact she is not his biological daughter so maybe she doesn't want to step on your toes and give anyone the wrong idea.

I think it’s telling that she says ‘their’ daughter rather than ‘her’ daughter.
So although it’s a bit awkward, I think she is saying it out of pride, just it’s a bit clumsy and unnecessary!
Maybe have a word with DP?

Not sure I explained that well. By saying ‘their’ daughter it suggests she’s completed accepted your DD as part of the family, which I think is nice.
If she introduced DD as ‘and this is her daughter’ then I would feel she is deliberately making that distinction and be upset.

But I agree it must be a bit embarrassing to have your life story shared every time!

You need to speak to her about it.

This is your private business. No one else needs to know.

I do think it's a sign of her pride in her son & her acceptance of your DD as her granddaughter.

But, no, I wouldn't like the world and his wife being told my private business in the street. Talk to her without being accusatory.

She wants her Son to be seen as a hero.

She wants her Son to be seen as a hero.

'He didn't have to, but he did. Wasn't he great? I thought he was mad!'

etc. etc.

Maybe talk to him first?

Meant to say 'this' to your post TheFishin !

Is your DH quite young? Maybe she means that she didn’t expect him to be a father at his age.

It is odd though, I would say something your MIL probably doesn’t even know she is doing it.

"Yes I didn't expect it either! They met when she was already pregnant and he's taken on the roll of daddy! "

What it is that makes her add this bit?

It's obviously fine until then.

This “introducing thing”. Is it peculiarly British? She bumps into someone she vaguely knows at the gym and may never see again and feels the need to tell someone else’s life story? Weird.

Imo he wasn't great at all.
You were for deciding to let him share your precious dd!

@diddl

I'm a step-dad and we really get a bizarre amount of kudos from many people for what we do. (Whereas step-mums are routinely seen with suspicion and sometimes outright demonised for the same!)

I think it's old fashioned view of women being naturally maternal and men not being so good with kids. We've overcome and natural deficiencies when it comes to raising children, and deserve a medal for it. Hundreds of medals. You know, just like us men do for 'helping' with the housework or taking a small share of the mental load. ;)

-I hope everyone's sarcasm detectors are working today so I don't get crucified...-

She is proud of her DS OP, at the expense of belittling you , she's a twat.

Have you actually asked her not to?

I agree it's very insensitive of her. You have told her how upsetting you find this and that she must stop doing it haven't you?

So you’re not married and he’s not adopted her? Maybe she’s protecting herself emotionally because if you two broke up, she’s in essence lose her grandchild and her son a daughter. He’d have no parental rights to see her without your permission.

Yes, it's tmi really isn't it?

Because if someone says that you've had a daughter (together) young/soon after meeting, she could just agree.

There's no need to say more, is there?

Do you feel that she's doing it to hurt you, or is she an over sharer?

No wonder you’re cringing!

You’re going to have to ask her to stop, it’s awful and pretty belittling.

" you are quite open about the fact she is not his biological daughter so maybe she doesn't want to step on your toes and give anyone the wrong idea."

Yes, but it's not necessary for everyone she knows to have to be told when she meets them is it?

Her not adding that bit of info won't make the 4yr old suddenly thing that he is her dad, will it?

Ha your mil is just like my mil. Overshares everything

Pfft. She's just being clear. She wants the people who know her to understand that the lovely child isn't her blood grandchild. But she says 'their', she thinks of the child as belonging to you and her son.