To want to curl up into a ball and die every time she does this?!

[milkytea]

I met OH when I was 19, and I was already pregnant. DD is now 4 and since the beginning we've been very open about him not being her bio dad but loving her just like a real dad.

My problem is with MIL. Don't get me wrong, I love her alot, she's an amazing grandmother and we get on so well. But anytime we bump into somebody she knows and I havent met them before, she will tell them EVERYTHING. It normally goes something like:

This is my DS [OHs name], his girlfriend [me] and this is their DD [DD name]. Yes I didn't expect it either! They met when she was already pregnant and he's taken on the roll of daddy!

AIBU thinking this is just unnecessary?? I feel like curling into a ball and dying of embarrassment every time she does it. The looks I normally get. It's making me so anxious when we go out with her. Going out with her later and I'm dreading it!

What does your OH have to say about it?

Ask your dp to speak to her, he can say he finds it embarrassing (and he probably does) It is definitely no way to introduce anyone!

YANBU

Just because something's not secret doesnt mean it's not private. I think you should get your OH to have a gentle yet firm word. Much better it comes from him.

I agree..it's embarrassing. Perhaps next time she says it, say this, "he obviously had a thing for pregnant women!". She will never...ever...say it again!

My first thought was to shoot her and bury the body where it will never be discovered. On reflection, you say she’s an “amazing” grandmother and that she refers to your daughter as “their” child.

Your son needs to have a word with her about her verbal diarrhoea. If nothing else, it won’t be very pleasant for your daughter, growing up and hearing her grandma introduce her to every Tom, Dick and Harry with the caveat, “This is Little X, Jack’s daughter except HE’S NOT REALLY HER DADDY.”

How does your partner feel about it? I think it would be better to ask him to have a word.

The "I didn't expect it either" is weird. Is that in response to something the other person says?! Because a young couple having a four year old daughter isn't at all surprising

Maybe try and get in first next time and introduce yourselves - "hi, I'm X and this is Y - here's our little Z. She's four now." Witter on a bit about something mundane so that she can't easily leap in and say her piece.

Shes boasting about her son is what that is, and getting an amount of kudos from raising a son so "generous and giving that he'd take on another mans child". Shes not thinking about you at all.

OMG you need to tell her to STOP!

She has no right doing this. It's YOUR business if you want the world and his wife to know this.

It's like my good friend who had a rough time with her one child (at the birth.) She had an emergency section, and without giving too much away, she was told not to have any more children.

For the first couple of months after the birth, every time they met someone who asked if they were having another baby, her husband said 'no, because Lisa got damaged during Hannah's birth!'

She glared at him on several occasions, then by the 7th time or so, she said 'For fuck's sake will you stop TELLING people that?!' 'It's personal and sensitive information that no-one needs to know. Just say 'we are not planning anymore!''

He was completely oblivious to how pissed off and embarassed Lisa was, and how he was sharing waaaaaaay too much information.

He stopped then though.

So you need to ask you MIL to stop @milkytea It's not her place to say this.

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*Lisa and Hannah are not their real names obvs!

Does she do it with other topics, OP? Eg you ask her how she is and she describes every ache, pain and bowel movement she’s had that week?

Or is it just when she’s introducing you?

YANBU OP! I have similar except my MIL was the 1 person who didn't congratulate DH for putting DD First. 9 years later she still refers to long out of the picture Ex as DDs Dad, despite being told many times its offensive and belittling to our family. Sorry to rant.Solidarity OP

Say "MIL, I've nothing to hide or feel embarrassed about. We are a happy family. But please don't give every tom, dick or Harry our life's history everytime we bump into them....I find it awkward and DD will do as well soon"

Or walk away when she starts doing it?!

I had a similar experience with my MIL. She went round my small town telling anyone she got chatting too about my near death experience that was very traumatic and intensely personal especially the ongoing injuries it left me with. I had strangers in the park commenting on it!
I knew she was just proud of how we as a family coped but still it really upset me. I had a word and put a stop to it. Really it's your private information to impart to the people you choose to. Definitely ask her not to discuss it. X

Ex MiL used to introduce her brother as "this is my brother X except he's not my brother he's adopted". Every. Single. Time. He'd been her brother his whole life. She did it to be absolutely crystal clear that she didn't regard him as an equal member of the family. Your MiL is doing the same.

Is it obvious at first glance that DO is unlikely to be the biological father? Different ethnicities or very different colouring? Is she aware people may wonder and be clumsily trying to make clear it doesn't matter? Otherwise it's very weird.

How about trying to change the record kindly? E.g. "I would prefer you to just introduce DD as your granddaughter, because after all that's what you are and I don't want her to feel that there is some limitation on your relationship with her, particularly as she gets older." If that works, you could then add: "We want her to know about her biological father and ask any questions she has, but it isn't something everyone else needs to know about because as she gets older I don't want her getting random questions about her biological father that might make her feel uncomfortable."

I don't think she's boasting, I think she's stating facts to avoid 'oh doesn't she look like her Dad when he was her age?' or 'you can tell she's your GD' comments which then leads to awkwardness and you have to explain anyway.

She shouldn't have to lie for you. Describing your dd as her granddaughter, as described above, would be a lie.

A lie? Really? What a strange, sad view of family you must have.

She sounds proud. I think that's nice.

She can be proud without divulging such sensitive information. She needs telling to button it pronto.

“A lie? Really? What a strange, sad view of family you must have.“

But Barbarian, the OP says it’s her other half. Not her husband. He has no rights to see the child, should either of them leave the relationship. . She’s “family” in spirit only but in no legal sense.

Thank you all for your input! OH has spoken to MiL about it. I don't think it's malicious, just oversharing. She can talk for England sometimes, with no filter! Seeing as OH as been in the picture just under 5 years now, weve put in the application to the local authority for him to adopt as he is an amazing father and no matter what our relationship is, him and his family are her family too now. I can see where you're all coming from though. Thanks again!