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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Elective sections, am I making the right decision?

30 replies

BrandNewMummy91 · 10/09/2018 22:04

Hi guys I'm very new to all this so bear with me. I'm 32 (+2) weeks today and I had an appointment with my consultant this afternoon everything so far has been going ok but we've had a conversation about my birthing plan and I was given the option for an elective. I've been thinking about this for while as last year I was pregnant with my dd who decided she wanted to come see the world way to early at 23 (+6) weeks. She put up a fight but sadly left us 12 days later, the delivery was very traumatic for me as I didn't even realise I was in labour until 40 mins before she came, the hospital I was in made so many mistakes it was unreal she lost 10ml of blood when she was born due to not clamping properly and everything was just chaos. Now this time around at least with a section everything is some what more clam and controlled and puts my anxiety at ease at bit more. I told my mother in law what me and my other half have decided and she wasn't very happy, she wanted to be in the room with me when this baby arrives, she's made me feel very guilty and like I'm picking an easy/lazy root. So I guess what I'm asking is am I making the right decision here? Should I listen to her and cancel it all?.

OP posts:

doodlejump1980 · 10/09/2018 22:07

Go with your gut. A section recovery-wise is not the easy route believe me, but if it gives you peace of mind that your baby will arrive more safely then there’s your decision! Tell your mil to jog on.

cookiesandchocolate · 10/09/2018 22:10

No effing way would I have my MIL in with me.

I had an ELCS after an EMCS under general. Best thing I ever did. Such an amazing experience.

Sorry for you loss

Version2point0 · 10/09/2018 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwant2breakfree · 10/09/2018 22:14

Even if u go natural dont have her in the room. How selfish of her. Iv had 2 sections due to babys not doing what they should and a 3rd cesarean hysterectomy as my last baby decided to embed in my section scar. It was very risky. My only advice is if u have a section make sure in ur next pregnacy you keep an eye on where the placenta is growing. I had the whole its the easy way out speil as well. I felt horrinly guilty. But its certainly not easy. Recovery is hard. But i wouldnt change them because my babies are here safe. Dont let anyone make ur birth about them. Im sorry for yoir loss hun xx

garethsouthgatesmrs · 10/09/2018 22:16

Unless you have some kind of special relationship with her I would really advise against having your mil in with you anyway. That's just wrong. Tell her to jog on and then make the decision thats right for you. It's not the lazy route, in many respects its far harder. I can only begin to imagone what it's like for you and how bad the anxiety must be after what happened. Mil sounds like a bitch and I would keep her at arm's length.

Kolo · 10/09/2018 22:16

You should definitely not be choosing a birth plan based on what your MIL wants. So sorry to read about your loss. It must be incredibly traumatic for you to be making these decisions after such a tremendous loss and awful birth experience.

I had an elective section after a traumatic first birth. I was adamant about it and never doubted my decision, and I still feel it was what I needed. An elective section, in my experience, is calm, controlled, relaxed, which possibly is what you need after your experience? There is absolutely no way you are being lazy/taking the easy route. I don’t think there is an easy route for you. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your MIL does, though, sound incredibly send centred!

Canshopwillshop · 10/09/2018 22:19

I am so sorry for the loss of your DD. In my experience after 3 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy I was terrified of giving birth naturally to my DD. My midwife talked me in to trying a natural birth but after 3 days of induction and my anxiety levels shooting through the roof I had a c-section. I really think that because I didn’t trust my body to deliver a healthy baby it had an effect on my ability to let go and deliver naturally. I was up on my feet the day after surgery and had no problems with recovery.

Wishiwasonholiday1 · 10/09/2018 22:19

I've had 2 sections for medical reasons and I agree that recovery wise it's definitely not the easy route, but after your last experience, I would definitely consider it too.
I was very happy with both c sections and it was a very smooth procedure.
Just make sure you have help at home afterwards because your movement will be restricted for a week or so and don't try and do too much too soon.
Don't worry about what your MIL thinks, this is your birth and it's your decision.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 10/09/2018 22:20

I feel this needs to be written out in full.
Tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and when she gets there to fuck off some more.

Claireshh · 10/09/2018 22:23

I’m so sorry about your baby girl.

In your shoes I would 100% go for an elective section.

I had an emergency with my daughter and an elective with my son. Both sections were actually great but the elective was so calm and lovely. I had a really great recovery too.

Do the best for you and your baby. Sod your mother in law! X

pallisers · 10/09/2018 22:24

and she wasn't very happy, she wanted to be in the room with me when this baby arrives, she's made me feel very guilty and like I'm picking an easy/lazy root.

I've had 2 c-sections. Only a fool would call it an easy choice.

Why on earth does your MIL think she should be in the room with you while you undergo an intimate, personal health event? She is nuts and her boundaries are bizarre. Your consultant offered you a c section for good reasons. Make the choice based on what is best for you and your baby - no one else. And if you do have a c section, tell your MIL it is a week later than it is scheduled.

Sunshinegirl82 · 10/09/2018 22:32

Your MIL sounds awful. Does she realise this is not actually about her?

Do what is right for you. You were happy with your choice before she stuck her oar in so stick with it if it's what you want, it's absolutely none of her business.

I'd also be a bit careful of her going forward. This is not a person with normal, respectful boundaries. You're going to need to set your own and be firm.

I'm so sorry about your DD.

Haireverywhere · 10/09/2018 22:37

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Please don't make decisions based on MIL! I echo the comments re go with your gut.

Original poster

BrandNewMummy91 · 10/09/2018 22:43

Thank you guys I'm glad I'm not just being a hormonal mess, I think the way she sees it is that she had 5 kids all natural and she sees it as the best way to go, she doesn't understand all the things that I went through last time and mentally still going through, I do have close relationship with her she's normally really lovely but after today I'm going to take a step back, I don't won't to hurt anyone's feelings but like the saying goes you can't please everyone.

OP posts:

Uncreative · 10/09/2018 22:43

You should make your birth plan in consultation with your doctor, not your MIL.

She is nuts to assume you would invite her into the delivery room in any case! What on earth gave her that idea?

If she mentions it again, just tell her that the doctor agreed this was the best for you and the baby and surely that it the most important thing! Can you say that with a little tear in your voice and make her feel guilty? Probably not if she is that pushy but please try anyway.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/09/2018 22:50

I’m so sorry to hear of your baby girl

I had an elective after a traumatic first birth which ended up being an emergency section. For my own sanity knowing what was happening next and everything being calm and chilled it was totally worth it. (Also it may not be for everyone but for me the recovery from a planned section was a lot easier than an emergency).

Im not even going there with your mil. I mean is she fucking serious?! Tell her now there’s no way she will be there. I can’t believe after everything you’ve been through she can’t put you and your feelings first.

AJPTaylor · 10/09/2018 22:53

It was best for her.
Nobody knows what is best for you better than you.

madeoficecream · 10/09/2018 22:57

wtf is actually wrong with your MIL?!?! How horrible of her to make you feel guilty!

You do what you feel is best. From what ive heard from friends whove had them, elective sections are very calm and very safe... and the biggest point to make is that they are more predictable.

This is about you and your baby it is not about your MIL. Please do not give her a second thought because she clearly does not deserve one if her priority is not you and the baby.

Hopefully she will realise what a selfish arse she is being and stop it.

Im so sorry to hear about your daughter

SunnyCoco · 10/09/2018 22:57

I’m so so sorry for your loss.

I would strongly advise you not to have your MiL in the room with you, however you give birth.

I’ve had natural and planned section, in your shoes I would 100% choose the c section as long as you have someone to help you in the first couple of weeks

Wishing you every happiness x

TynesideBlonde · 10/09/2018 22:58

Im so sorry about the loss of your first baby.
2 sections here - both planned. Have the birth you want.
Recovery from a planned section is easier than EMCS. If you are concerned about managing anxiety or panicking in labour, have the ELCS. Baby will be in you arms before you know it, 90% of the time in surgery is spent being stitched.
Good luck

IdblowJonSnow · 10/09/2018 23:02

I chose an elective for non medical reasons and kept it very quiet as people can be so negative about it. Your body, your choice. So sorry for your loss. Hope it goes really well. I don't know anyone who has had a negative experience of a planned section. And my recovery was really good - just a bit tricky getting out of bed from a lying on your back position.

OwlinaTree · 10/09/2018 23:03

I've had two planned sections after a traumatic induction with a bad outcome. No regrets at all. I was very nervous about going through a birth again and knowing the planned section was sorted meant I could focus on the pregnancy and keeping calm.

It takes a while to recover from a section obviously, but natural birth recovery can take a while too by all accounts.

I wouldn't be considering what any other family members think except your dh tbh, and even then you get the final say in how you deliver your baby.

DuckPie · 10/09/2018 23:04

I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my DD (to SIDS rather than complications at birth) and having a section for the baby that followed was the best decision I’d made.

Holding a baby again after losing my DD was very emotional. Just being in hospital was difficult. You’ve no doubt been through a whirlwind of emotion and there will be more to come. For me, a section meant I didn’t have to think about the birth so much. Obviously, it’s a major op with extensive recovery but in the moment it was happening I could just lie there and try and process my emotions rather than having to concentrate on anything else. It also gave me a sense of control that I really needed.

You don’t need anyone making you doubt yourself or question your decision. It’s unfair for your MIL to make you feel that way with everything else you have to deal with

FranticallyPeaceful · 10/09/2018 23:09

It’s a personal choice - What would be easier for you?

I’ve heard lots of stories on both sides for and against both choices and I think ultimately it’s whatever would make YOU the most content.

All that matters is that the baby arrives safely into the world and that mother and baby are content afterwards.

I personally wouldn’t go near a section but I know some people wouldn’t go near a V-birth

Polestar50 · 10/09/2018 23:10

So sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter

I had an emergency c section and it was still the most magical, awe inspiring experience..
Recovery was slow but v manageable.

Would do it again in a heartbeat

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