You may remember my previous posts about issues with my ex and I've had a lot of stick so it may ring bells!!
Me and ex fell out recently, a minor argument that went too far. He didnt want to sort things out and wanted no communication so I contacted CMS to ensure financial support was not withdrawn following this sudden breakdown of friendship. As he is due his second child it's been a concern he may stop our private agreement and I couldn't speak to him about my concerns s as he cut communication. I believed £80 a month we had previously agreed was accurate from his wages.
Following our argument, he suddenly wanted to sort out differences but actually had discovered that CMS was now involved and he was to go from £80 p/m to £260 p/m. I never expected that. I didn't stop the claim as I felt he was manipulating me and low and behold he hates me again for going ahead as he will not be able to continue taking our son to kickboxing, keeps his Xbox games pass or go for pizzas/cinema etc with our son anymore!
Unbeknownst to me, they pulled out that larger figure because he has a company car. He wanted me to stop the CMS case as it was taking too much due to the company car but refused to share contact details again with me, my opinion was 'he no longer wants to be friends therefore his financial problems are none of my business' and he needs to take the issue up with CMS.
He didn't pay anything or have regular contact for 8 years so he got off lightly for a longtime, I didn't chase him because we got on and I didn't want to cause him stress. It's a major guilt for me because he is expecting a baby with his wife this month but I never expected I'd been 'under paid' so much for four years so I didn't intend for more money. I've had people on here call me jealous and vindictive but it's never been about those things and only 4 weeks ago I'd have laughed if anyone had told me how bad our relationship would be now! I applied for mediation to sort this, and agree a maintenance arrangement but he has refused to take part.
I stopped feeling so bad when I realised my household income is half of his and we support two adults, a teen and a toddler on it. Him and his wife had double our income for just themselves for many years and yet paid me only £80 maintenance whilst enjoying foreign holidays, taking out a mortgage and an expensive wedding - all fine but how much of the money spent was rightfully for me/DS?!
So, last week when he called DS to arrange picking him up he said 'you will have to have tea as I can't afford to buy any now your Mum's gone to CMS and we will just be going to sit at Nanas house'.
DS is 15 so it's not as easy as going to the park or soft play but he just enjoys his Dad's company he's even happy to just be with him, sit at his house or go food shopping for example.
AIBU in thinking he is just being spiteful? Previously they would have gone for food and done something like the arcades or driven back to his house but he claims he is getting a new car and "it won't be as easy to fiddle the mileage".
I offered to pay for him and DS to continue kickboxing and he said 'it doesn't work like that'.
He sees him once a week for 3 hours and the old fortnightly one night sleepover (Friday 5pm until Saturday 2pm) arrangement is replaced with a Saturday 10 - 5 twice a month until 'the baby is in a routine', so a total of 26 hours per month. I'd allow more but ex has never wanted it.