DD is starting school September 2019, and as she has SN I have already looked around all of the local primary schools, and am taking DD on open days and for individual tours so I am 100% certain which school I want as we’re also applying for an EHCP via her Nursery.
ExH and I have been separated since the beginning of 2018. He sees DD once a month for 6 hours due to his work –well that’s his excuse anyway--. He lives in the same town as me so could have her more regularly.
Due to her SN and the location of the school I have already ruled out the school nearest to ExH. I’ve been round it with the SENCO from Nursery, and as soon as we saw the outside of the building we both said it wouldn’t be suitable. DD has mobility issues and struggles with stairs, the school is across several levels with no lift and it would be hard to make adjustments for her as the PE and Assembly hall are on one level, with what would be her classroom on another level and the dining room and medical rooms (which she would need access to regularly) on a 3rd level. The school is also up a steep hill and although I drive the parking for the school is at the bottom of the hill and parents are encouraged to walk children to the actual building.
I haven’t ruled it out to spite him, it is purely due to DDs needs.
I think personally she’d be better at the school nearest to me. Not only is the entire school on one level apart from one classroom which can be accessed via a ramp but also the school is less than a ¼ of a mile from my house, I could walk it even if DD ends up in a wheelchair which means I only need to use the car if there's no other option, I can see the school playground from my kitchen window. It’s also has a fantastic reputation for dealing with DC with SN, and the SENCO was so positive that DD would fit in and be able to learn there and I believe that teachers attitudes towards children with SN is a big part in their acceptance at school. We walk past the school already to get to DDs Nursery so she is also familiar with it and she’s part of a group of 6 from Nursery who will all likely go to this school which isn’t a huge pull for me but I do think will help her settle in as she’ll have a couple of familiar faces.
The only problem is, is the school is a church school and is heavily involved with the church it’s affiliated with because it’s VC – they say prayers and sing hymns in assembly, have regular visits from the vicar and use the churches grounds for PE. It really doesn’t bother me, I don’t hold beliefs but was brought up Christian and attended a church school. I am happy to tell DD that this was the best school for her and that she doesn’t have to believe in god if she doesn’t want to, some people do some people don’t and it’s up to her when she’s older to make that choice. I don’t want her to be removed from collective worship as I know she will love singing the songs and the school did say it’s only really in assemblies and when the vicar visits that “god” is pushed otherwise they’re just using the churches buildings and grounds for PE lessons anything else the school do with the church is optional (although some of it sounded really good and I would let DD be involved with). But ExH has said he does not want her to attend this school, he and his family are very atheist, and he has said that she will not be going to a church school as he doesn’t think it has a place in education. He has said if I apply to the school then he’ll apply to the courts for a Specific Issues Order to prevent DD from attending this school, he does not want her having any religious influence at all.
The other school in the area is catholic so would cause just as many issues.
Part of me thinks he is being awkward because he wants DD at the local school to him even though he’s not visited the schools in question. The other part of me can see his point, and if it were my views on it being ignored by him I’d be seriously upset.
We have no court orders in place currently. And if it weren’t for DDs mobility issues I’d happily send her to the school nearest to him for a quiet life, but I honestly can’t see anyway it’s going to work even the SENCO of that school said he couldn’t see a way that DD could attend and be happy there. Plus I’m going to be doing the school run anyway as I do the Nursery run as he just won’t – he says if she goes to a school that’s not a church school his mum or dad will help me with collection but they don’t want to be hypocritical so won’t go near a church school.
So AIBU to ignore ExHs views and apply for the school anyway if DD likes it when I take her round? Also would a judge really rule she needs to attend a non religious school because her father said so? The next nearest non-religious school that is suitable for her needs is 10 miles away and while I could get her there part of me thinks that actually there is a suitable school less than 0.25m from my home so why shouldn’t she go there?