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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Strangers asking for money.

119 replies

ALongHardWinter · 10/09/2018 18:29

Is it just me who's experienced this? There seems to be an epidemic of people approaching me in the street,while I'm waiting at a bus stop and even actually on a bus,either asking me directly for money,or spinning me a convoluted story about they've lost their wallet/been mugged. In the high street of the nearest town to where I live there has always been the odd homeless person sitting outside a shop and asking for any spare change.
But this is on a different level. Yesterday evening,I kid you not,I had 4 different people approach me on the space of an hour while I was making my way home from the town. Requests varied from 'Can you 'lend' me a fiver?' (Yeah right,like I'm ever going to get it back!) to 'Can you give a few quid to buy some food'. I (politely) said no to all of them as I am really not in a position to be handing out money to total strangers. But by the time the fourth person approached me,I was like WTAF?! I can guarantee that barely a day goes by when I'm out and about when I don't get at least one person asking me for money. Is it the area I live in? (West London) or is it because of benefit cuts and people are feeling the pinch?

OP posts:

Clawdy · 11/09/2018 23:00

Our local Big Issue seller is Romanian, and a delightful guy. I find it ridiculous that people are implying it's a gang thing, or that it is a form of begging. The sellers buy the magazines to sell.

makingmiracles · 11/09/2018 23:09

I live in a fairly rural market town and our big issue seller is a Romanian lady too, sticks out like a sore thumb as there are very few Romanians in this area, we also have Romanian gypsys selling bunches of Heather in the summer.

I don’t give to people who harass, I give a small amount if they are making some sort of effort, musically or art wise but generally only give to people who are not asking. I gave £5 and some tabbacco to a bloke in Bath last summer, he looked dischevelled, dirty and sad, he didn’t appear to be on drugs or smell or alcohol so I gave him the money and as I bent down I noticed his baccy pouch was flat and empty so gave him 1/4 of my pouch. He was very grateful indeed and kept calling me his guardian angel, I felt good as I’d helped him and when I got back to nearly empty car park found a full bag of lush products and change that someone had obviously forgotten to put in their car, felt a bit like karma.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/09/2018 23:18

Big Issue run by Eastern European gangs?? That sounds like an urban myth to me

If it's a myth then it's one our local police have fallen for hook, line and sinker - and it's apparently the selling they're concerned with, and how it's being compromised, rather than the overall running/publishing

choirmumoftwo · 11/09/2018 23:18

I know what you mean about funding the holiday of a lifetime through donations. DD of an acquaintance has just won a scholarship to private school and is now fundraising on social media to pay for world challenge. Seems a bit of a CF to me - most of the full fee-paying kids can't afford to go!

Sarcelle · 11/09/2018 23:31

I work in Westminster and in the summer we had a glut of Eastern Europeans selling the Big Issue. On the first occasion I saw them a man was directing about 5 women to their pitches (actually he was shouting aggressively at them). They were clearly a gang, perhaps the women were coerced which is disturbing.

The one nearest to where I worked approached people standing outside pubs, which I thought was not the done thing for BI sellers. They seem to have disappeared now. They are not regular pitches so yes I do think these are scammers. Unfortunately.

I do not give to anybody on the street. If I donate I do it directly.

UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 11/09/2018 23:32

I never give money to people in the street. I give to the Salvation Army because (1) they know who really needs it and who is a scammer; and (2) they know how to make a little money go a long way and it’s more effective; and (3) that way none of my gift goes on drink or drugs.

Belindabauer · 11/09/2018 23:42

Years ago I worked in a busy city centre. Every day at the train station an elderly guy would ask people for £1 for a cup of tea.
Once I was behind him in the train station shop when he emptied his pockets and asked the cashier to exchange his pound coins for notes. The amount he had collected was eye watering.
I never give money to anyone who asks me in the street.

sueelleker · 12/09/2018 06:16

I work in a hospital, and twice in a week I had a woman at the bus stop opposite ask for money, as 'she'd just been discharged and couldn't get home'.

Original poster

ALongHardWinter · 12/09/2018 16:34

I bought a Big Issue from a man outside W.H Smiths in my local town several years ago. I regretted for months afterwards as he obviously thought I was a soft touch and started pestering me to buy one every bloody time I saw him! He couldn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want another one when I'd bought the exact same issue a week before!

I also remember one from a few years back,who my DD and I jokingly referred to as 'The Foliage Women'. 3 of them would hang around outside McDonald's every day,and thrust a small piece of scruffy greenery at you as you walked past,and if you made the mistake of actually accepting it,they'd say you had to give them 2 quid for it. If you handed it back and said 'no thanks' they became abusive. I strongly suspect that they were from a religious cult,as they were all dressed in identical clothes,like a uniform.

OP posts:

GhostsToMonsoon · 12/09/2018 16:57

I'm still annoyed that I fell for two of these scammers twice when I lived in London, and I don't consider myself a gullible person - they must have been convincing with their sob stories about how they had just been mugged and needed a few pounds. I haven't come across any where I live now fortunately.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/09/2018 17:38

He was very grateful indeed and kept calling me his guardian angel, I felt good as 'I’d helped him and when I got back to nearly empty car park found a full bag of lush products and change that someone had obviously forgotten to put in their car, felt a bit like karma.' '

So you undid your good deed by nicking someone else's Lush shopping??
That's bizarre Karma!

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/09/2018 17:42

I'd be calling it something else if I'd left a bag somewhere and no one handed it in!

BE18mum · 12/09/2018 18:15

I was asked for money for food - said no as I genuinely had none (skint!) but offered him the apple I had in my bag - he said no thanks, he couldn’t eat it, then gave me a big grin showing that he didn’t have a single tooth in his mouth. Actually believed him a bit more after that.

Don’t usually give as the town beggars aim for the tourists and barely bother hiding their motives/acts from the locals.

juneau · 12/09/2018 18:55

Big Issue run by Eastern European gangs?? That sounds like an urban myth to me

If you Google it, you'll find newspaper articles about it - it's not an urban myth at all. I got suspicious when a Romanian woman approached me in the small, rural market town my parents live in and so I did an online search and lo and behold it is suspicious.

BeenThereDone · 12/09/2018 19:16

This really gets my back up. I typed up a whole novel basically in response to op but deleted as it was severely ranty.... 😂 I don't mind beggars as such, genuine ones but these cf who approach people with a sob story and do it again and again. Different days, locations. It's like they have fucking roster system going on

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 12/09/2018 19:17

I told him I don't have money but I did have food - I had a box of Nakd bars. He refused them! Said he wasn't that hungry 😂

In fairness I have NEVER been hungry enough to eat one of those bars. The names promise so much but it's basically like chewing on a health food store.

dancerdog · 12/09/2018 19:28

My niece fell for the shoeless man begging scam once, in Glasgow. She was so upset when she spoke to him that she went off and bought him a pair of shoes. When she started to tell me the story, I knew what was coming. Of course, she saw him shortly afterwards wearing another pair of shoes.

Also in Glasgow, I used to see a woman who knelt all day on her bares knees on the pavement with her hands out for money and her head down. I think she was Romanian or possibly Albanian, and was part of a group who were often seen begging. It was awful to see. There was no reason to do that apart from to make her look even more down on her luck, and I am fairly sure there would have been coercion involved. Just grim, but I never gave money either. Hard to explain my feelings about this but I knew she would not benefit from anything she would be given. Still bothers me.

DoubleHelix79 · 12/09/2018 20:43

My favourite episode involves a Christmas shopping trip with my parents, many years ago. A small group of punks asked my mum for change. She refused.

One of the guys then pointed to the considerable number of shopping bags she was carrying and said something along the line of "I bet you spent at least 100 quid in the shops, and you can't give me any money?".

Cue my mum looking him up and down. "I've spent much more than that, young man". Then she walked away.

:-D

Bolloxio · 12/09/2018 21:54

Our local big issue seller resents giving you the magazine! As I found out one day when I decided to get one.

There was a guy in Benidorm too, walks around with a too small walking stick, says Spanish healthcare is horrendous, cannot afford and so on..very convincing. He was there 2 years running and we gave cash each time. 3rd year, DH had a dodgy leg and actually had a walking stick to help him when it was playing up. We actually set out on our last day to find this guy as DH said he would just get another at home if he needed it. Long story short, he clearly was not actually genuine and seemed really pissed off actually.

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