To want DH to move an hour away from his parents to provide our children with a better education?

[Amyk01]

DH and I are both from the same hometown and currently live here, as do both of our families who we are both close to. We are going to be moving home in the very near future, and I am taking schools into consideration for our daughter.

We are extremely fortunate that we are in a position to send our children to private school, however there is only one excellent school local to us which takes children in from age 7. It is a great school, but certainly not the best and would be our only option for senior school as there are no local grammars.

However an hours drive away, there are an abundance of private (from age 2 onwards) and grammar schools, which are consistently ranked extremely high and I feel would provide our children with greater options and a significantly better education than our one local school with the intake from age 7 onwards.

Moving an hour away would have us living in a beautiful area with a vast number of high performing infant and senior schools to choose from all within a short distance. However, it would also add approximately 10-15 minutes each way to my husbands journey to work, and would mean he is an hour away from family which is not something he wants at all, and it seems is somewhat of a deal breaker.

I have crazily considered driving the hour daily to take my daughter to my preferred school, but fortunately fellow Mumsnetters have told me how crazy that is and how detrimental the journey would be to my daughter.

AIBU to want us to move the hour away to give our children the best possible start in life, whilst also moving to a substantially better area? I know many say that a child will thrive anywhere, but the stats are there for these schools in terms of results and leavers destinations, and that most definitely isn't the case for the schools currently local to us. Also it somewhat makes me feel that my husband is prioritising proximity to his family, over our children's education.

It's extremely abnormal for an adult to think the way your DH does unless they have some kind of mental health problem

Seriously?.... A mental health problem?

Racecardriver

That's a really extreme post. Perhaps the OP's husband doesn't think that the DCs will get a better education by moving? As I infer from the post that the DCs are under 7 why is it assumed that the grammars will be the right choice for them or that they will pass the exam?

Suggesting that the OP should just ignore her husband's objections and treat him like he has a mental illness is not advice conducive to a happy marriage.

I think you're being very OTT racecardriver. Maybe he thinks the local schools are fine and he's prioritising seeing the family more. I tend to agree with OP but I think DH is entitled to his preference too.

Don't underestimate being an hour away from family. Its too far for them to do school pickups etc. It's too far for evening visits, too far for a lot of scenarios.

I would go local for now and support your child at home. See how you feel in 3 years.

extra 20-30 minutes added to his journey

Yes, it would be madness to move for the sake of a tiny minor difference in a school at that cost alone. If it was a specialist school and the child had needs that could only be met by the school that would be different. But educational outcomes are not significantly differentiated by school, parental involvement is more significant and losing an hour a day of a parent could easily outweigh it. Certainly though the cost on that adult is enough that they have a right to say no if the "slightly better school" is the only reason.

Frankly sounds like you want to be away from his parents. Reading between the lines, their ‘expectations’ sound like a total pita. I would move for the sake of a great education for my dc. My parents did it to get us into the two top schools in the area.

An hour away from family compared with 15 minutes means no just popping in of an evening. Visits need to be planned and agreed. Visits will de facto be longer to make them value for commuting time. Grandparents can't so easily attend sports days, concerts etc. Baby sitters no longer on tap.

You are moving from a close distance to a travel issue.

Having read all 3 threads I’d say either home school til 7 or ask the local 7+ school where those dcs go for yr1-3.

It’s not results you need to look at but instead something called value added. This will tell you how well each school did with the specific intake they have. Will be based on school performance between year 2 and 6.

If the extended family enrich your family’s life and you can offer your child one to one tutoring on top of normal school lessons, then why move?

I'd say that a lot of it depends on how often your DD sees her grandparents now and/or how often she will want to (and they her, obviously). A two-hour round-trip isn't that drastic for a visit that's planned in advance, but it will stop any chance of spontaneous visits, those 'popping in for no real reason' times that can be the glue in natural family bonding. Your DD (and any future siblings) will never be able to go to see her GPs herself when she's a bit older, until she's old enough to drive herself (unless you have good public transport between the two places, maybe).

Like it or not, having to allow a minimum 2 hours for the round trip will mean that her GPs (and your and your DH's parents, for that matter) won't be a natural part of her life - it's not the other side of the world, but seeing them will be an occasional, pre-planned, scheduled thing - very unlikely in the late afternoons/evenings in the week during term time - rather than a regular, relatively impromptu situation. Of course, your DD and her GPs might not be that close, but - sorry to sound harsh - I don't see how she will ever grow up being nearly as close to them as she would have done if you still lived in the same town, even if it isn't quite as 'smart' as the one with the apparently better schools.

It's entirely up to you and your DH to decide, but, as PPs have said, if she's naturally bright and/or keen to learn (and a private tutor in addition is still very much an option), the potential difference in her results may well not be that stark at all.

I did exactly this op. When my dd was 18 months I realised that the local secondaries were all absolutely awful (truly bad) and there was no other choice nearby. The town was also a dump but because dh and I both grew up there we hadn't even thought of moving.

18 months of research and we decided where we were going- an hour down the motorway, 3 counties away to somewhere with a choice of very good state, grammar and private schools. It's also got so much going on here, loads for kids etc, I'm so glad we moved. 1 year we've been here and dd started reception last week.

We still see some family just as much. Others haven't even been to visit once so I've stopped bothering to visit them when we go to our hometown now, just keep in contact via fb really.

The hour to the parents and his extra 20-30 minute commute are they clear road timings or rush hour timings? An extra hour commute a day would depend on the working hours and how long the commute is now. DP is out of the house 13 hours so an extra hour would be horrid,

Have you actually looked at the state schools op? You haven't mentioned them. In the area I live in, and I recognise it's all different, the state secondary is better than the private.