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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to enjoy my week off work!!

59 replies

Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 16:56

So I took this week off work- as my little angel started school and it's half days all week. Been looking forward to this week off for ages. Enter... twatty husband.
He's "working from home" all week. Mildly annoying in itself but never mind.
So today I got up, dropped said little angel at school at 9, walked back made breakfast, watched TV on the couch, went to pick her back up for 12, come back, make lunch. Me and little angel sat on the couch at 1pm, finished our lunch, watching paw patrol, enjoying life... enter... twatty husband;
Him 'When are you gonna sort that washing'
Me 'erm dunno, maybe later'
Him 'you're just sitting on the couch'
Me 'yes I know, I'm enjoying my day off'
Him ' you're so lazy'

I ignore him, me and little angel go upstairs, play in her room for a while, I Potter and tidy up a bit. Come downstairs about an hour ago.

Enter.. well, you get the idea!
Him 'you got anything to say'
Me ' I don't think you wanna hear what I've got to say'
Him ' you're so lazy, you're a child, you don't do anything unless forced to do it'
Me 'give me a break- it's Monday I have all week to do what I need to do'
Him (ranting and speaking to me like shite at this point) ' I've had it up to here with your laziness bla bla bla'

So I go upstairs and just cry in bed cos I'm 4 months pregnant and rather emotional anyway.

I am now angry (maybe irrationally so- who knows) but as I know he thinks he hasn't done anything wrong and I'm the bad guy here- he won't apologise.
So I am considering, as I have my scan tomorrow, and I don't wanna see his face right now for fear I'll try to break it-
Can I just leave the house tomorrow- pick little angel up from school, go out for tea, go to her dance lesson then straight to scan and not mention it to him? Then ignore him if he tries to contact me?

I am literally fuming. I feel like he spoke to me like I'm another one of his children and he's not my fucking dad. Angry

Help me calm down. I really needed a rant. And I need to stop crying also but I'm like a box of Pringles l when it comes to crying.

OP posts:
CloudCaptain · 10/09/2018 17:27

If my dh spoke to me like that I would have told him 'dont speak to me like that, I'm not your housekeeper. If you want the washing doing, you know where the washer is.' Then, I would have left the house for a lovely walk with dc. But my dh only tries this crap occasionally, usually when something is stressing him out. I generally bribe him with chocolate which cheers him up again.
Don't do any chores for the rest of the week. Unless your house is an absolute shit tip and your dh actually has a point.

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:28

@NotTakenUsername
It's not a regular occurrence, I can't remember the last time we had an argument.
However it has happened before. He can be very stubborn and will not see things from someone else's point of view.

OP posts:
sprinklesandsauce · 10/09/2018 17:28

Why is he working from home this particular week , when you have a week off?

Time to draw up a rota of chores so that you each do 50/50. But if you have different standards, I fear that this will always be an issue. I am not very tidy and I don't care. There is no way I could be with somebody who needs to live in a show home, we would never be compatible Grin.

MortyVicar · 10/09/2018 17:29

He's just made his own dinner

Is there any for you or just.....him?

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:30

@PreseaCombatir
Definitely a coincidence- he hates working from home and it's being forced to.

@CloudCaptain
Yeah it's occasional here too- but not any less annoying.
Maybe I could bribe him with a chair to the face Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:31

@MortyVicar
I've just had a look in kitchen- he's warmed up left overs from yesterday's roast. So there is some for me. Just back in the fridge haha

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 10/09/2018 17:34

As he’s home I’d go back to wrk and he can manage the half day pick ups.

Lollypop701 · 10/09/2018 17:35

Who made the roast??? You have a week of leave for childcare... he’s welcome to take time off so you don’t have to use yours? So you can use it when he’s not in the house 😂

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:37

@Lollypop701
We both did- had my sister round yesterday. Lots of leftovers.

I would but really want to drop off and pick up as I won't be able to when I'm in work Sad

OP posts:
ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 17:37

Meh, he sounds like he’s approaching it like a twat, but I’d be pissed off if dh had a whole week off and spent it doing nothing at all towards the house.

He was already moaning at her about it at 12:00pm on Monday! I would be pissed off if I had a week off and wasn't allowed any time to relax during it (especially if I was pregnant).

NotTakenUsername · 10/09/2018 17:37

he hates working from home and it's being forced to.

I bet this is why he’s being a prick. He’s taking out his frustration at being forced to wfh on you.
He maybe finds it even harder to work from home when other people are there.
It might actually be something he would like if you headed out with dd, but I don’t think that’s particularly fair when you just want to have a nice chilled week off work.

RebelRogue · 10/09/2018 17:41

He resents working from home and he resents that he can see you doing nothing while he has to work. He's a dick. And if he's suffering everyone else has to as well

SkippingPages · 10/09/2018 17:43

Sounds like you need this time on the couch and if he left you to it, it could set you up so well for the next few weeks and months.

BUT you're also not 'just sitting on the couch'. What annoyed me in the OP is that you're doing something lovely for your dd, by choosing to take the time this week and 'just be there' with her, in a gentle low key way, while she gets used to school.

You can't put a value and this kind of thing. Easy to judge it as 'nothing'. But it really is offering her something that she could benefit from - if th (twatty husband) could allow that to happen.

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:43

Maybe it is that.
I have plans with her most of the rest of the week- she has dance tomorrow, we're going the farm on wed.
I just feel annoyed that he's already ruined my week off which I have literally been so excited for!
My daughter started school today and I was emotional as it is haha!

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 10/09/2018 17:45

What does he do on his holiday time? If the lack of housework bothers him then he could probably get quite a bit done in his lunch hour.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 17:46

BUT you're also not 'just sitting on the couch'. What annoyed me in the OP is that you're doing something lovely for your dd, by choosing to take the time this week and 'just be there' with her, in a gentle low key way, while she gets used to school.

Also this. How lovely that her mum's sitting with her on the couch after her first few days at school. Washing can wait.

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 17:48

@SkippingPages
Thank you for this. So much.
I hate that I have to work, and that I can't drop off and pick her up every day. So I took this week to do just that. I was so happy just sitting on the couch with her talking about her first day at school. But he's burst my happy little bubble.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 10/09/2018 17:56

Can I have a psychic moment and guess that you're his second wife/partner and that he has children with his previous one? I'm getting a spooky feeling that this twat has done this to another woman before you.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 10/09/2018 18:01

If the essentials get done, he needs to get over the fact that you have different ways of spending days off. If he wants to go into a cleaning frenzy on his own days off, that's fine, but he shouldn't be surprised that you might not want to do that, yourself. Especially since you clearly aren't someone who "cleans for fun" (just like any sane person).

The fact that you're pregnant makes his behavior even worse, imo. He should be encouraging you to rest while you can!! (He sounds like a jerk.)

Try not to let him ruin the rest of your week! Maybe you shouldn't exclude him from the scan, if that's something he would normally have been involved in, but I don't think there's anything wrong with planning a relaxing/fun afternoon or two out for you and your daughter. Or a fun afternoon in, if that's what you'd prefer.

Grump-butt husband will just have to get over his annoyance that you dare to spend your days off as you please. (Again, he really does sound like quite the jerk.)

Original poster
Winchester89 · 10/09/2018 18:07

@HollowTalk
Haha very psychic moment.
I am the second wife- I think he first was very much a housewife (and sahm) And his parents and sisters have very old fashioned views when it comes to relationships. But again, all of them don't work so it's easy to be a housewife while your husbands the one working full time.

OP posts:
pineappple · 10/09/2018 18:10

Why can't he do the washing?? I'd do the laundry but leave his at the bottom of the pile :)

CherryAide · 10/09/2018 18:21

My goodness OP this would drive me insane. I'm pregnant and my DP is telling me to slow down and doing stuff for me so I don't have to! I felt pretty shitty at 4 months pregnant.

Not much to suggest however YANBU. He should be helping you out.

Benjaminbuttonschild · 10/09/2018 18:30

He shouldn't have spoke to you like that OP. Re housework I believe if both partners work full time housework should be divided up as equally as possible without the expectation that the other partner is responsible for x, y, z (in this case washing).

Re doing lovely things with your daughter, this is absolutely what I did last year when my eldest started school. I took the week off, we went swimming one afternoon, went to the cinema another and just basically hung out together properly whilst youngest was at the child minders. It was grand

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/09/2018 18:48

Every time he complains about your perceived laziness, don't react to his accusations and just keep constantly asking him how his work is going and how busy he is with it. If he says that he's really busy, tell him that he'd better get on with it, then. You could even play the martyr and insist that you really don't want to be distracting him from his work, so he really mustn't worry about what you're doing!.

If he says that he hasn't got a lot of work on, say how lovely: once he's finished all that he can do, he'll have time to do some housework. After all, it's not like he was expecting to have any leisure time, as, unlike you, he isn't on annual leave. If he asks why you aren't doing it, just ask him why HE isn't as it isn't just your job, obviously - you work too and aren't a housewife. Ask when he's going to take annual leave so that HE can catch up with the housework, as he's already doing very, very little when it should obviously be 50/50 and he has a long way to catch up.

Nip this in the bud now as, once the baby arrives and you're on ML, I suspect he's going to be one of those husbands who sees ML as a free holiday that women get as a reward for having had a baby - you'll probably have half an hour or so of baby-related things to do, but you'll have pretty much all day, every day for months twiddling your thumbs with nothing at all to do, whilst he has his nose to the grindstone all day.

MeteorGarden · 10/09/2018 19:04

Have you considered just saying - look I took this week off to enjoy little angel doing to school and relax as I’m pregnant and tbh you’re ruinning it for me, can you go back to work please?

Honestly he sounds terrible and I would not have the patience you do. Were I pregnant/ in your situation this week he would be getting a very short sharp shock and sleeping on the sofa.

I read a wonderful comment on another MN thread that laid out how men treat us the way we allow them to. (Unless you’re dealing with actual abuse)

I wouldn’t be standing for him having you in tears, early pregnancy, on your much deserved week off. I hate housework too, you’re not alone and shouldn’t be apologetic for it. Xx

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